


A Revolution of Hope

by susanreneewa



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Kiss, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friendship, I Ship It, Lightsabers, Miscommunication, REALLY bad parenting, Revolution, Reylo - Freeform, Rose is Smart, Slow Burn, Space Jane Eyre, Space Rochester, Terrible Proposals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-03-26 09:13:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 70,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13854684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/susanreneewa/pseuds/susanreneewa
Summary: Three weeks after Crait, only a few are left aboard the Falcon. Supplies and fuel almost gone, the remaining Resistance must first bury their Princess and General before they can seek to destroy the First Order. Rey is burdened by what passed between her and Kylo Ren, and must find her way forward, the hopes for the future she saw in the vision gone. She and Finn, Rose, Poe, Chewbacca and the droids are all that is left, and they attempt to enlist the aid of former allies to put in motion a daring, tenuous plan that could either be the death of the Rebellion or the birth of a new, free Galaxy.Meanwhile, Kylo Ren is the Supreme Leader of the First Order, but his inner turmoil has worsened since Rey's refusal and the death of Snoke, making him even more unstable. Hux believes him to be useless, and seeks to destroy him by any means within his grasp.But, Ren's bond with Rey isn't gone. They both must use it to understand themselves, and each other. The Force will see to that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

 

Terror and darkness have blanketed the galaxy. As news of the death of Luke Skywalker and the near-obliteration of the Rebellion on Crait spreads throughout the systems, hope for salvation begins to die in the blinding white light of the First Order’s ambitions.

Kylo Ren, stymied in his plan to seek out and destroy the remaining few members of the Resistance after his humiliation at the hands of his uncle on Crait, has ordered General Hux to use his troops to brutally suppress any system who once offered support or sanctuary to the rebels, hoping to force them to reveal their location by denying them safe haven. Hux, however, believing Ren to be compromised, plans to secretly summon who he believes is his last hope for finding Luke’s frightening new protege and finally ending the Jedi religion and, with it, the Resistance.

Unbeknownst to any save the surviving Rebels on the Millenium Falcon, General Leia Organa has died, her heart weakened beyond hope by injuries sustained in the destruction of the Raddus. As the desperate Resistance flees from system to system, they find no rest, the New Republic that had so recently held the dream of defeating the First Order and returning a hard-won peace to the galaxy defeated, possibly once and for all.

Their hopes all but gone, the five seek brief solace in a safe corner of the galaxy to say goodbye to their beloved Princess. But, unbeknownst to all save Rey, they never travel alone...

  


**Chapter One**

It was quiet on the Millenium Falcon. 

Rey sat on her bunk, knees pulled in tightly, arms clasped around her shins. She gently bounced her back against the long, poky ridges running the length of the wall behind her where padded panels had once been bolted, keeping herself uncomfortable. Each poke was a thought that kept her awake, each little pain a question she couldn’t answer. She kept her feelings lined up like mental tic marks, and close, because so much was already lost. They all had to be sorted before she could put them away, let them go, but, until now, there had been no time. Or peace. It had been three weeks since the battle on Crait; terrible, blurred weeks since they had lost nearly everything, since she tried to bring Ben back to the light, since she learned what she could do, and what she could bear. 

Leia was gone now, along with almost everyone else. In each port since their escape, the General had ordered her remaining officers and staff to stay behind, find transport and the pilots and soldiers who had dispersed after Starkiller, rally them and beseech any allies hiding in the Outer Rim still willing to throw their weight behind the dying Resistance to join them, give them ships, soldiers, anything. But, so far, they had only found those too terrified or exhausted to offer them more than a place to spend a few nights, provide them with what little fuel and rations could be spared, and speed them on their way before their presence brought the First Order down upon them as it had the Resistance Fleet and the Hosnian system. In the end, it was just nine: Finn; Poe; Rey; Rose; Chewbacca; Leia; and the droids. Now, it was eight. Just eight. 

At dusk, they would lay their princess to rest, far from her childhood home, far from the First Order, and they’d have to say goodbye again. Poe had chosen Endor, so she could be near her father. He also knew all the stories, that Luke had been the one to save the Rebellion and Vader, and that it all ended here, before starting again. It seemed fitting. It was also close, and would take little fuel to reach. They had to be practical, even in their worst moments.

Poe and Finn had seen the Jedi that day on Crait, the hero Leia had hoped for, come to save the Resistance. Chewie had lived it all from the very beginning, and, once they were safe in the forest for a bit, it seemed the right place to tell the stories to Finn, Rey and Rose as they sat around the fires at night. As she listened, Rey came to realize that she knew almost nothing of the man she had called Master, although she was one of a burdened few who knew his failings, not that she would have shared them with the others. They needed their hero.

She had no master now, no one to help her become a Jedi, to discover who she was in this bleak new world. But that was nothing new. She wondered if the dark that had called to her from the cave on Ahch-to had been right, that she would always be alone. She started gently bonking her head against the wall now, using her hair to cushion it a little. It was soothing, almost like rocking.

She often hid on the Falcon since landing on Endor. The others made excuses to avoid being onboard, sick of the smell and close quarters. But, it was hard to grieve in public for those who were used to solitude, and Rey loved this ship. It was her home now, the only place where she felt safe enough to reflect. So, Finn knew where to find her that day, when they were going to say goodbye to Leia for the last time. 

At first, when they were reunited, she couldn’t wait to tell him what she had learned about herself, about Luke, the Force, the dark and the light, in their time apart. But not Ben. Not yet. What she and Ben had seen in that moment on Ahch-to when their hands touched, it changed her, and she thought it had changed him. But it hadn’t, and she had to deal with that somehow, because  _ somehow _ , he had still misunderstood their vision, or maybe she had, in her stupid, unceasing optimism. She hadn’t told anyone what he had offered her that day in the throne room, that he had reached out to her, literally, begging her to make a sacrifice of herself. And oh, that she was tempted to join him, however briefly. But she was no savior. She was no Luke, although, to be fair, no one was, not even Luke himself. 

So, she waited and thought, and listened as Finn told her everything that had happened since D’Qar, enthusiastically stretching out the story beginning with waking up to find her gone. Survival had altered the key plot points from their mission to Canto Bight and capture on the Supremacy from desperation and betrayal to triumph and legendary heroism. And, dammit, he and Rose were heroes. 

From where she rested, Rose rolled her eyes at the more ridiculous editorializing, interjecting pieces of the story that Finn forgot, or was unconscious for. BB-8 swiveled his little head between them, chirping his own part in the saga, indignant that he had been almost forgotten. Rey was an excellent audience, so transparent with her emotions and generous with her praise. She wished she could have helped them somehow, but they had done just fine without her. 

They told her of the horror of the final battle, of Finn’s near sacrifice, before she came to rescue them. Rey clung to Rose as Finn told how she had saved him, so thankful that this brave woman had brought him back. Rose’s love gave Rey a little bit of new resolve, new hope for what it could accomplish, although her faith in love was badly shaken. Rey had always thought, like all orphans do, that a parent’s love could do what nothing else could, and that, if she carried Han and Leia’s along with her own, it would be enough. It had been for Vader, and Luke. But not this time. Not for Ben.

She hadn’t seen him since that brutal, red day at the old Rebel base. The Force bond, although at first an infuriating violation of her free will, had, in the end, brought to her the only person who truly understood all that she had faced, all that she was. They were the same, and they both knew it. Now, she felt deeply lost for having been betrayed by that bond, dissected and raw. He was there, she knew, she’d always know. But, she hadn’t seen him since they left him on Crait. She could feel that he had closed off his mind. She missed him, and was angry at herself for it. She was disappointed far beyond anything she had ever allowed herself to feel that he had thrown himself away and that she hadn’t known it would happen. 

“Hey,” Finn said, hopping up on her bunk next to her. “How’re you doing? You okay?”

He had been the first person in memory to ask her that, on Jakku, a lifetime ago, the day they met. They had so much in common, two lonely, brave children who had been taken from or given away by their families, never thinking they would be wanted for fear of further disappointment. Her decision to keep secrets from him now made her feel all the worse. 

“The same as you, I think. Sad. I miss Leia. I didn’t even know her for very long, but I miss her. I’m glad you’re here.”

They sat quietly together for a little while. Rey rested her chin on her knees and kept rocking. Finn spoke first. She could tell he needed to get something off his chest.

“It’s not right. Why was everything taken from her, when all she had done was give? To end up with nothing, with nowhere to go...” He trailed off.

Rey thought about Leia, the faith Rey had placed in her, faith that was returned tenfold. 

“She believed in the Republic. She had hope. It was what drew us to her, and then made us want to stay and to fight. She gave us purpose, and, well, love. And she had us,” Rey reminded him, nudging him with her shoulder. 

She paused, torn as to whether now was the time to say what was pressing on her. She looked down, uncertainty making her shy. She raised her eyes again to him, hoping to see on his face evidence that he could bear what she wanted to tell him. She found it.

“She had so much love in her heart. Why was it not enough?” she asked.

Finn looked confused. His brow furrowed. 

“What do you mean? For who?” 

He looked at Rey, who said nothing. His face suddenly relaxed in shock as he understood. 

“No,” he said, jumping up, “No. It wasn’t her. It was him. He chose to go to the Dark Side. His mom loved him. His dad…” he waved his hands around him, gesturing to the Falcon, “...loved him. He turned and destroyed everything. Everything.” 

Rey remembered what Ben had said about her looking for family in his own, and that she would be disappointed. Now that she knew what Luke had done, she wanted to know what had happened with his parents. She couldn’t reconcile the Leia and Han she knew, even in so short a time, with the people who raised Ben Solo, who let him go, let him be taken, only to blame everyone but themselves. Why did she and Ben both have parents who didn’t want them? Why did Finn? Why were they not enough? Why were they all still not enough? There were no easy answers. She could no longer wait, and convince herself of something other than the truth. 

She looked at Finn and suddenly couldn’t stop herself. She was so angry with Ben, so sad, so disappointed. A little embarrassed. Alone, again, in the deepest part of her heart. A little despair leaked out.

“He did. But, Finn, I don’t think he had a choice, in the end.”

Finn had been pacing, and he snapped around to her, furious, face reddening. 

“What?? He had a choice, he had a million choices! I was a Stormtrooper, and I still made a choice. I chose not to shoot on Jakku, I chose to come back for you. I chose to not keep running. The First Order took everything from me, and you say he didn’t have a choice?? I watched him kill Han Solo. You watched him.”

Her brow creased. Now she was frustrated that she had put herself in the position to defend their enemy, to explain why he was worth defending. He was a murderer. But so was she, so was Finn. So were they all. There were children on all the star destroyers, thousands just like Finn who had their lives stolen. But still, Kylo Ren had violated her mind, Poe’s, countless others’. Those were just a few of the things for which he would have to atone.

Rey blinked away the tears in her eyes. She seemed to always be crying these days. She hated it, and she peevishly hated Ben for making her feel these things.

“His parents sent him away. They were frightened of him because he was Vader’s grandson, that he was too strong, so they sent him away. He was just a child when Snoke came for him...” she wanted to say, “...like the First Order came for you,” but she couldn’t. It would have been too cruel. 

She knew Finn was right, that Ben had chosen his path, but she had seen the terror, the conflict, the betrayal he had roiling in his heart, a thousand pieces of him, shards of longing and petulance, bitterness and strength, weakness and desperate, desperate loneliness. Shattered. She saw what had happened with Luke, but she knew Snoke had already laid claim to Ben’s soul even before Luke turned on him at the Temple, and that Luke didn’t fight for him. No one did.

“I know what being alone for so long can do, how it makes you think. I know what it’s like to not be wanted. Ben Solo is still in there. I know he is. I can’t give up hope. Especially not now, now that I know what happened to him, why he turned to the dark side.”

She said this was startling finality. She wasn’t defending Kylo Ren, although Finn couldn’t tell the difference, not yet. She was defending Ben, the other lonely kid like her, to yet another left-behind little boy. Speaking the words aloud to Finn had clarified some of her own feelings. If she gave up now, it would all have been for nothing, and Ben would still be lost.

Finn’s eyes widened. 

“What are you saying? Are you saying you think, what? He’s an okay guy? That we should forgive him? That...that you CARE about what happens to him??” 

He stopped moving, stopped pacing. He got very quiet. 

“You didn’t just hear about this from Luke. What happened that you’re not telling me?”

Rey was silent, a thousand words choking her. She wanted to tell Finn everything, wanted to stop, never say another word, hug him, run away. But they could have no more secrets. Secrets destroyed. 

“I went to him. On Snoke’s ship. We talked, before that. Snoke…” 

She gestured with her hands, miming a line between them. 

“...connected us, through the Force, over and over again, we kept seeing each other. I hated him at first, but he was so broken. Snoke hoped to trap me, and it worked, I left Luke. He told me not to, that it wouldn’t go how I thought. But I didn’t listen. I thought I could see the end. Luke was right, but he was wrong, too.” 

She shook her head, trying to force her words to fall into place. 

“Ben…”

Finn’s face was a mask of fury. 

“That’s not his name.”

Rey insisted. 

“Ben was waiting. I told him I knew that he would turn. He told me that he knew I would. We had...seen each other’s future. Our hands touched, Finn, and I saw his future. So, I went to bring him back. Like Luke, and Vader, I thought. Snoke ordered him to kill me. He thought his plan had worked.”

Finn was past words now. He stared at Rey in disbelief, shaking with betrayal, his face wet with tears and rigid with fury.

“But Snoke was wrong.” 

Rey was so full of blistering emotion: conflict; fear; hope; and deep, deep longing. She looked at the floor, the wall, anywhere but Finn’s face. 

“Ben killed him. To save me. And we fought. Together, until all the guards were dead, until it was just...us.” 

Rey drove on, knowing that, if she stopped, she’d never tell anyone this again, knowing what a burden she was placing on Finn, angry at herself for causing him pain, but needing to lessen her own. She finally raised her eyes to his face. He had gone so still.

“He asked me to join him. To rule the galaxy together. But he had to know I could never, ever say yes. I told him...I begged him to come back. He couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. The way he looked at me… We fought over the lightsaber. You’ve seen it. It wouldn’t come to either of us, we destroyed it and it was only luck that I woke up first, afterwards. I didn’t kill him, Finn. I had the chance, but I didn’t kill him. I couldn’t. I failed.” 

Her head fell back against the wall, her face so hollow and bloodless that Finn, suddenly protective, blazed back to life. He pointed at her. She was a little scared of him in that moment.

“No. No. I can’t...but no. Not you. Never you.”

He turned and strode off the ship. As he stormed down the corridor, she heard him strike the reinforced wall with his clenched fist. It must have hurt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has to tell Rose what's happened to her and what she shared with Finn.

Rose wondered where Finn and Rey had gone, but she knew better than to follow when they slipped away after preparations for Leia’s funeral were finished. Whatever was going on, it was between the two of them, and that was okay. Like Finn and Rey, Rose had grown up surrounded by brutality, hardship and want, but, unlike them, she had been loved by parents and a sister. The First Order took everything from her planet and her people, but not that. Finn and Rey hadn’t been so fortunate.

For four years she and Paige had worked and fought in the Squadron, but now her sister was gone, dead in the blast that had also destroyed the dreadnaught. Everyone said her sacrifice meant something, that she was a hero, and they said it often, but, sometimes, in those first terrible days, Rose was not so sure. Their bombers gone, their ships badly damaged, the fleet so, so small. It seemed hopeless. But, still she showed up. She had to keep showing up. Paige would have. And then she had, by luck or fate or the Force, met Finn, and now she was here, with him, the only place she could be. 

She felt lucky for one more reason, aside from merely being alive when so many had died. Finn brought her Rey. The two women had taken to each other immediately, one enormous heart opening for another. Finn was wedged between the two of them, slightly squashed and a little confounded, but he didn’t seem to mind. Poe, however, thought the whole thing was hilarious. One sleepless night on the Falcon, he found Rey and Finn sitting on the floor next to Rose’s bunk, all three of them wrapped in blankets, telling stories. He made a rude joke about a love triangle and immediately felt like an ass when Finn and Rey stared at him blankly and Rose blushed. After that, he decided to keep his jokes to himself, even though it was a huge sacrifice, for him.

It was plain that Rose adored Finn. It could have devolved into idolatry, which would have been deadly to both of them, but she saw him, really saw him, and loved him for it. She had surprised him with her love, and he responded with devotion. He cared for her in her convalescence in so many ways; with food, with blankets, with the better, softer places to sleep, with his slightly overzealous demands for silence when she slept. The extent of her injuries terrified him. She had lost so much blood on Crait, broken so many bones. But, as she told him repeatedly, she was young, she would recover. She’d knew that she’d found her people, even though it had almost been too late. She could never give up now.

***

Rose saw Finn storm from the Falcon not long after he went to find Rey. She could see his agonized face from where she sat, a short distance from the Ewoks. The furry little warriors had delightedly welcomed them back a few days before, especially C-3PO, their proper golden god. Their families told stories, too. She slumped a little, not realizing how tightly she had been holding her shoulders. Relaxing the muscles hurt and felt good at the same time.

The survivors were all so brittle now, so exhausted by their grief, so quick to argue and forgive, that she just watched as he stormed into the woods. She’d find him later, he’d be calmer and they could talk. But Rey was still on the ship and might need her. That girl took everything on herself. Rose set down her empty wooden bowl that had contained some kind of thankfully unnamed cooked meat, geriatrically stood up and made her way back to the ship across the swaying log walkways of the village.

“Rey?” she called, walking up the Falcon’s ramp, warning of her approach. 

She turned the corner of the ship’s central passage into the lounge area and saw Rey standing in the middle of the room, her eyes red and her arms tightly crossed. When Rey lifted her head and saw Rose enter, she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around Rose’s shoulders. Rose held on to the taller woman’s waist and supported her as she quietly cried into the collar of Rose’s mechanic’s jacket.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Rose murmured, stroking Rey’s back. 

After a few minutes, Rey sniffled, relaxed slightly, pulled back and wiped her nose on her sleeve. Then concern filled her features as she looked down and gingerly touched Rose’s left shoulder that had been dislocated back on Crait.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have leaned on you. Are you all right? I seem to be hurting everyone today.”

Rose took her friend’s hands, trying to reassure her. 

“Rey, I’m fine!”

It had hurt a little, but Rose hadn’t minded. Rey just shook her head. She turned and paced the length of the room, and Rose could see her mind twisting around whatever had just happened between her and Finn over and over again, trying to wring something out of it. When she spoke, Rose couldn’t tell if it was to her or no one.

“Why did I do that? Why did I tell him? It’s not his responsibility, it hurt him, but he’s my friend, we can’t keep secrets from each other. I need him to know...I need his help.”

In her grief, Rey unknowingly pushed out so hard with her feelings that Rose had to take an involuntary step back, but the surge dissipated quickly. Rose took Rey in her arms again and led her to the upholstered lounge. She sat her down and fetched a towel and some water. She shoved the cold metal cup into Rey’s hand and gently wiped her face. Just for a moment, Paige was back. Then it passed. 

“I haven’t known you that long,” Rose said, quietly, taking the now-empty cup from Rey’s hands and setting it down on the chessboard, “but I know you would never deliberately hurt anyone you cared about, especially Finn. I can’t even presume to know what you’ve faced. And, somehow, everything all seems to be on you.”

Rey didn’t have to ask what Rose meant by “everything.”

“It’s my own fault,” Rey said, uncharacteristic resignation in her voice. 

She pulled her knees to her chest as she had when Finn found her earlier that day and gazed at her feet, miserable, her jaw clenched tight against emotion. She rocked a little, again. Rose spoke, carefully.

“My sister and I used to tell each other everything. Everything. The worst, the best, the things we were proud of and the things we were ashamed of. I think that’s what love is, you know? Not being able to keep any part of yourself back. You want the person you love to know all of you, and you want to know everything about them, too. It’s a little selfish, actually, wanting all of someone. But it’s because, when you really love somebody, you care for them more than yourself, and you know that hearing them, really knowing them, all the good and bad, and wanting them anyway, will bring them peace, and...belonging. And that’s all we could ever want for them, and ourselves. Finn is your friend. You want him to know all of you, and he wants to know, too, even if it hurts sometimes.”

Rose didn’t know why she said all this. She just knew Rey had never had anyone to talk to before Finn and Rose thought how awful it would be to never have anyone truly know you. She took her friend’s hand and squeezed it. Rey looked up, right into Rose’s eyes. 

“I want to tell you what happened,” she said, “all of it. Can I? It’s not good.”

Rose smiled and nodded, grateful there was finally something she could do to help.

Rey shifted her weight slightly, getting a little more comfortable. Her eyes fell to the floor and unfocused, as though she were looking inward and not at the ship around her. She started speaking quietly, slowly, telling Rose about leaving the Resistance base, finding Ahch-to and Luke, the struggle to make him listen, her growing awareness of the Force inside her, the pain Luke was in, the light, the darkness, the Jedi texts, the porgs, everything. And then she stopped. 

“But then it all changed.” 

Rose could see that Rey was far away now, back on the island. 

“How?” Rose asked, softly, bringing her back.

Rey looked up.

“Kylo Ren. Ben Solo. We...saw each other.”

Rose’s eyes got very wide, but she didn’t interrupt. Rey was relieved to see no anger, fear, or revulsion on her friend’s face, especially as Rose knew who Kylo Ren really was, and what had happened on Starkiller. Rey took a deep breath, lowered her eyes again, and plunged on.

“It was Snoke. He created this...bond between us, me and Ben, using the Force, but we didn’t know it yet. We thought it was the Force itself connecting us. We could see each other, it was like he was standing right there on the island with me. I tried to shoot him.”

She smiled, ruefully. 

“He kept coming back. I was furious. I thought I understood everything that had happened and how he fit in to all of it. But I didn’t. Please understand, I know that he has done terrible things, unforgivable things to people I love, but...” 

She stopped, raising pleading eyes to Rose.

Rose had leaned away just slightly as Rey spoke. She was, in all honesty, a little scared, but she still reached out and touched Rey’s hand.

“You don’t have to keep talking if you want to stop.”

“No,” said Rey, a little too loudly, “I want to tell you. I need to tell you.” 

She blew out her breath and took several more. 

“I wanted answers, I wanted him to be sorry for what he’s done, to tell me why, but he wouldn’t explain anything. Every question I asked, he turned it back on me. I shouted, he stood there. It was so strange, but he never seemed to want to hurt me.” 

Rey thought she must be empty of tears by now, but still they fell onto her knees, leaving little constellations in the quilting of the pants Leia had gotten for her on D’Qar.

“And then, after a while, I saw him. Ben Solo. Not Kylo Ren, Ben. Leia and Han’s son. All the rest of it was gone. I didn’t know…there was so much I didn’t know. He was just like me, he had been sent away. His parents, Luke, they were all afraid of him, so they kept sending him away. And then Snoke took him. Rose, the dark called to me on Ahch-to, from below the island, in a cave. I heard it the first time Luke tried to show me the Force, but he was scared, just like with Ben, and he didn’t want me to listen. I got angry, though, and I went to it. I thought it would show me something...something I wanted to know. But, it showed me…”

She took a deep breath.

“It showed me that I would always be alone.”

Rose covered her mouth with her hand. She wanted to reach out and put her arms around Rey, tell her it wasn’t true, but Rey wasn’t done yet.

“Ben was there, waiting for me, when I got back to my hut. I told him what I saw, and he listened. He told me...he told me that I wasn’t alone, and he was right. In that moment, we had each other. We felt each other’s fear and loneliness, and took it, like you said. I wanted it. All of it, all the pain in his heart. We touched hands, somehow, across all that way. I saw his...our future.” 

She was lost in the memory again, far away and, for one tiny moment, whole.

Rose was very still. She knew what Rey was saying. Even if Rey didn’t know, she knew. And she was overwhelmed with pity. 

“What happened?” Rose asked, after a few moments of silence. 

“I went to him. I left Luke, my training, and I went to him. He was on Snoke’s ship.”

She closed her eyes. She wanted the story to end differently. Saying it aloud again and again made it all the more permanent, fixed in time. Rose was beginning to grow alarmed by the time Rey finally opened her eyes. She looked different, harder. 

“Rey…” Rose had had no idea what Rey would tell her when she walked on the Falcon earlier that day, but this woman in front of her, this chain of events, they were fashioned by the universe itself. She could only listen, desperately sorry for her friend.

“There’s more,” Rey said, “much more.”

Rose listened, trying to understand, as Rey told her of the fight, the offer, her refusal, the lightsaber, her destroyed hopes for Leia, for herself. But she left out what he said about her parents, about her. That she was nothing. She didn’t know how to tell Rose that, because, on some level, she was afraid he had been right. 

Rose sat, staring into her lap, for what seemed like an eternity. Then, she suddenly jumped up. She couldn’t sit still any more. She needed to use her hands for what she was going to say.

“You, you have so much...I don’t know, love? Compassion? Crazy optimism? What would you even call what someone has to have in their heart to do what you did, to go to him, our enemy, to save him?? And what’s even crazier is that it worked once, so why wouldn’t it work again? Luke, if I can call him that (wow, I’m talking about Luke Skywalker), Luke brought his father back. With love. Love. That’s what all of this is about. You see that, right? You have to see it, because it’s all we’re fighting for.” 

She stared at Rey, pleading with her to understand. But Rey, the woman who had had no love in her life except that which she carried with her, waiting for somewhere to put it, didn’t.

“See what,” she asked, plaintively. 

“You offered him love! You touched hands and flew across the galaxy because you thought that...that he could come home to his mother, come back to the light. Even after everything you saw him do, you still had hope.”

She sat down again, her hand reaching for Rey’s nearby knee.

“How did you leave after…”

She couldn’t figure out a way to finish that sentence.

Rey tilted her head and looked at Rose, thinking hard, coming back to herself a little.

“I had to. What he was offering to give me was definitely not love. It was power. I don’t want power. I wanted to bring Leia back her son, but he wasn’t there in the end. Kylo Ren asked me to stay, not Ben Solo. Rule the galaxy. How could he ask me that?”

She cry-snorted a little and wiped off her face. 

“Rey.” Rose laughed sadly, half at the absurdity of what was happening, and half at Rey’s sweet naïveté, “Kylo…” She stopped herself and closed her eyes. She reopened them. “He wanted you to stay because he thinks he loves you. He wanted you.” 

Rey made a noise to argue, and Rose held out a placating hand. 

“It was stupid and wrong and I know you never would have stayed, but maybe your vision gave him hope, that, I don’t know, he won’t be alone in his future, either? He sounds pretty...hooo....messed up. What did Snoke do to him?” she asked, knowing there was no answer.

“There’s one thing more,” Rey said, cautiously looking in Rose’s eyes. “I haven’t told you what he said about me, about my parents.”

Rose leaned in very close to Rey, ferociously knotted up her cherubic face and, in a terrifyingly quiet voice, said, “What did he say?” 

Rey looked down at her feet again, her grubby boots reminding her of who she was, who she used to be.

“That my parents were no one, that they sold me, left me behind on Jakku, that they died and no one cared. He also said that…” 

She braced herself. 

“That I was nothing, but that I meant something to him. I know it’s true, I came from nothing, but I’m not nothing. I’m not.”

Now Rose was truly furious.

“No, you’re not,” she said, looking right into Rey’s eyes, trying to force the words into her wounded heart. “You’re not. You’re kind and brave and you, you beat him. You are so strong. You have the Force, too, and he was trying to make you doubt yourself, in the most cowardly way possible. You don’t only matter to him. He’s not the only one who loves you.”

Rey looked chagrined. Love again. What was love? It wasn’t the right kind of love, if that’s what he thought was between them. The only love she knew was so recent, so full of kindness and welcome, it was honest. What she felt with Ben was so, so different. It hurt. It demanded. And it asked her to be something she wasn’t.

“I thought, I mean, that it’s the light in me. Snoke said I am the light to Ben’s darkness, and that I rose to be his equal in the Force. That’s what I am to him, the light he can subdue to bring darkness to the galaxy. But he will never get that chance again.”

Rose was overwhelmed with a chill, she suddenly wanted to flee. But she held herself still. 

“You are his equal in the Force.” 

She stated it, but stared at Rey as if asking a question. 

“What...what does that mean?”

“I don’t know.”

Rey didn’t say any more, but Rose sat by. She wanted to make sure Rey knew she would never be alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is finished, it's twenty some odd chapters, and I'll be posting about every three days, between graduate school assignments and work. I'm also an over-editor, so being too fussy may cause me to delay posting here and there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey isn't alone at Leia's funeral.

They laid Leia to rest at dusk. They dug her grave, hands bleeding from the effort, on the same spot as her father’s pyre, in a wide, grassy clearing near the Ewok village. They dressed her in her favorite rings and her Alderaan braids. Her face, as they covered it with a shroud made from what remained of one of her beautiful, celestial blue robes, was peaceful. Near her grave, they built a bonfire to light her way. Chewie knelt on the ground next to where she lay, his small cries achingly painful. The rest stood nearby, shoulders close but arms held in tight, as if their grief would break loose with a touch, never to be contained again. The night was clear as it can only be on a planet where no lights had been lit to drive the dark away, each star a beacon to welcome Leia home.

Poe, who knew Leia the best of all of them, spoke of her bravery, her brilliance, her wit, her diplomacy and her boundless, unfailing love. He had been commanded by her, sent into unimaginable peril by her, and he had absolute trust in her, despite having also been shot by her. Under her leadership, he had become a hero, a leader, although one who had relied too heavily on his General to temper his recklessness. That would be something he’d have to learn on his own, now. He sang to her a song of his childhood on Yavin, full of sorrow and loss, but also in great hopes of meeting again someday.

When the song was finished, Rose took Finn’s arm. She needed his support. She so desperately missed Paige and her parents. She, more than any of them, knew what it was to leave your loved ones behind, to hope that you would one day be together again, whether in life or death. He covered her small hand with his, squeezed it and kissed her gently on the top of her head. 

Rose had found Finn in the forest earlier that day, after leaving Rey. She’d walked for a while first, quietly thinking, taking time to work through her own feelings. There was so much pain here, including her own. She liked lingering, never having been to a planet like this one. It was so clean and so undefiled, she could breathe, the air free from other people’s endlessly exhaled and recycled particles, from mining waste and weapons fallout. She touched each mossy trunk as she passed, letting the trees’ massive patience inform her own.

When she found him, Finn was in a small, rocky clearing, kicking a fallen log and shattering it to pieces, then whacking trunks and nearby branches with a stick, ferociously but benignly venting his spleen. Just far enough away to supervise but not interfere was a round, furry face, capped in a brown hood. When the face saw Rose, it disappeared. 

She stood for a moment beyond the edge of his sight, watching, and then moved a little closer and sat down, waiting for him to finish. Her hand broke a branch and he whirled on her.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that!” Finn shouted, when he saw her sitting there.

“Don’t yell at me because you’re mad at Rey,” retorted Rose. 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he snapped. “I’ve been lied to. Lied to by my best friend.”

“Yep, Rey told me. But she didn’t lie to you. She was too scared to tell you until now, because of exactly how you reacted.” 

Finn shot her a look of fury. She shrugged in non-apology. He smacked the bushes around the edge of the clearing even harder, snapping off pieces of leaf and branch that then stuck to his clothes. He stopped, turning to face her with a branch clenched in his fist. He used the stick to point at her, emphasizing each word with it.

“Did she tell you that he wanted her...wanted her to stay, and, I don’t know, rule with him? Rule! What in the hell does that mean? Did he really think she’d be with him? Join the First Order? We watched. Watched Kylo Ren kill Han Solo. Then he almost killed me. He made his choice. She should have just walked away.”

“Walked away?” Rose repeated, surprised. When Finn responded with a hands up and head shaking gesture she knew meant “duh,” she rolled her eyes, followed by her head. She stood up, joints aching, and walked to Finn, poking her finger in his face.

“Did you hear one word she said? Do you not trust her enough to know her own mind, her own heart? And have you met her? Remember when you introduced us, how you described her? You told me she was the most tenacious person you’d ever met. Do you honestly think she’d walk away from Han Solo and General Organa’s son, when she thought she could fix all this?” 

She gestured around her, although whether she meant fix her and Finn, Ben Solo, the war, neither of them were sure. His shoulders drooped a little. He turned around and started whacking again, but with less conviction. He spoke to her over his shoulder.

“But he took her, and Poe. Dug around in their minds, took what he wanted and would have killed them if not for…” He stopped.

“If not for you. You saved Poe, you came back for Rey. You had just met her, and you flew how far to find her? And you don’t get why she tried to save Gen...Leia’s son? She’s flying Han Solo’s ship! No one had ever cared about her before them, and you. If you love someone, you want to fix things for them. She knows him now, Ben Solo, did you hear her when she told you that? She saw inside him. She’s not saying we should forgive him, she’d never say that, but she had to try to bring him home. You had to try. We had to try. We can’t stop trying, and you, you have to trust her. That’s all we have left!”

Rose was tired. She stomped back to the fallen tree, slid to the forest floor with a grunt and a sigh and rested her back against the log, waiting for Finn to finish. He sighed loudly, theatrically, and sat down beside her. 

“He’s Kylo Ren.” He mumbled, sadly.

“He’s also Ben Solo,” Rose replied shortly, but kindly, beseechingly. 

Finn looked at her, met her eyes, half-smiled and touched her right shoulder. 

“Does this shoulder hurt?” He asked.

“No, it’s one of the only things that doesn’t,” she laughed. 

He leaned in and rested his head against her.

“I’m never going to forgive him, I don’t care what happens.”

Rose understood.

***

As the bonfire burned down, the surviving members of Leia’s resistance turned back to the Ewok settlement, but Rey didn’t move. Poe gave her a one-armed hug and walked away. He wanted a drink, he wanted food, he wanted someone to share it with. He had half-hoped it’d be her. He liked her. Chewie went to take comfort in the company of his little brothers and sisters. Finn took Rose to rest. She was pale and shaky from emotion and exertion. Rey watched the fire, feeling Leia’s warmth from it, her comfort. She clung to it, surrounded herself with it, Leia’s love, until the fire was almost out, and Leia had gone, her body returned to the earth to feed the Force. 

She opened herself to the Force in that moment, felt it grow stronger for Leia’s presence, then tensed, startled. Leia’s wasn’t the only presence by the fire.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia has been laid to rest, and Rey must face Ben for the first time since Crait.

He was there, nearby, in the thick ring of trees just beyond the edge of the clearing by the lake where the grave had been dug. Until this moment, she had only felt her friends, the other strange animal life on the planet and, in the end, Leia, so she knew the Force had somehow waited until all the others had gone to bring him here. The air grew oddly muted, dampened, the way it always did before they spoke. 

Over the embers, she watched him approach until he was just outside of the remaining ring of light. The last time she had seen him, kneeling on the floor of the Rebel base on Crait, his face had been empty, hollow, defeated. Now, now she couldn’t see it. Her eyes still burned with the brightness of the fire and he was in the dark.

She had no idea why the Force had brought them to this place, now. What could he possibly have to say to her? She waited for him to speak, self-aware enough to know that, as soon as her mouth opened, she’d never be able to stop what came out, and that it wouldn’t make any difference. So, she crumpled up her hopes for him into a hard little ball and shoved it into the most protected place in her heart where she hoped it would calcify and be rendered benign. 

He could obviously see the fire. She could see the he was staring at it, maybe, like her, remembering the last time a fire had been between them. He surprised her again, as he had on that night.

“Where is my mother?” 

His voice was low and hard, almost accusatory, as though Rey were hiding Leia somehow.

Rey couldn’t say the words. He grew insistent.

“Where is she? I don’t feel her. Is she gone?” 

“Yes,” she replied, tonelessly. She just wanted him to go. He exhaled. He had been bracing himself, she could tell, somehow. His frame suddenly seemed smaller, his presence diminished.

“I felt her slip away, but I thought maybe she had closed herself off completely. She had never managed to do that before.”

He stood very still. She knew he was likely on his ship, hopefully across the galaxy, but she wondered if she could still go to him, push him, shake him, scream at him, ask him why, why, a thousand times why? But, in spite of a sudden, furious desire to see his face if she managed to hit him, and to release all of the poisonous fury of the last weeks on the cause of it, she didn’t. It would be of no use. She waited again for him to speak. It was his turn to ask the questions.

“Did she suffer?” he asked.

“I’m not sure that you have the right to ask that,” she snapped. “It was your ships that blew up the bridge and the hangar of the Raddus. Poe told me. He saw your fighter. She died because of you. They all died because of you.”

She was shaking with the effort to keep herself together. She inhaled deeply, feeling the warm, smoky night air fill her. She slowly let it out. She had to be better than this.

“But no, in the end, she didn’t suffer. She was surrounded by people who loved her.”

She glanced down at the grave, her eyes filling.

“We gave her a funeral.”

Now she was frustrated with herself instead of him. She was doing it again, crying, giving more than he deserved. If only she could walk away from this burden. But there was that engraved image in her mind, that one moment of understanding, of belonging, wiping everything else away. It made her wait. Somehow, in spite of all the pain he had given her, given the entire galaxy, it was still enough to make her wait. She hated it, and the Force for giving it to her. She felt deeply used, battered in body and soul. 

“A funeral given by the enemy, just like her father. How appropriate. His pyre was on Endor’s forest moon. That’s where I went to find his mask, where Vader was defeated by his weakness. It was Snoke’s order. I had to bring it back to remind myself of the only thing I was good for.” 

The heat of panic filled Rey’s whole body. It was a stupid decision to come here, she knew it. She wanted to run, warn her friends, but she couldn’t, afraid he’d make a connection between her actions and his words. So, she lashed out, desperate to unbalance him, force him to leave before it was too late. But she also just wanted to hurt him, even though she was ashamed for it. 

“Your enemies gave your father a funeral, too, only there’s no grave. There was nothing left to bury. Starkiller was his pyre.”

It was a cold, cold stroke, and she put her weight behind it. She was so disappointed in him, in his self-pity, in her own sadness and loss. She needed him to react, to show some sign of real feeling, but he said nothing. She couldn’t wait any more. She was tired, and she wanted this to end.

“Why are you here? What do you want me to say? That she missed you? All she wanted was for you to come home, and you didn’t. Her heart was broken. You hunted her down and destroyed everything she loved. And then you begged me to turn my back on her like you did.”

It was all absolutes now. 

“I want you to say nothing. We both said enough.” 

His voice cut across the fire like the crackle of burning sap. He was more agitated that she had realized. Good.

“Then why are you still here??” Rey shouted at him, frustration and fatigue almost pushing her into rage.

“Because I still need to know!” He was close to shouting, too.

“What?? What do you need to know! I already told you that Leia is gone! Your mother is dead!” 

She sobbed as the words crossed her lips.

 

“I need to know why you refused me!”

He regained his composure a little, modulated his voice.

“I offered you what you wanted, what we saw. A future.”

Rey stepped back, her mouth agape, her face burning with the shock of his words, tears dripping from her chin.

“That’s what this is about? Your mother is dead and that’s what this is about? You offered me what you wanted, the future you saw. I wanted you to come home,” she stated, bluntly.

He laughed, a short, metallic bark. She still couldn’t see his face, but she knew exactly the expression he wore. She had seen it so many times, condescending, full of his own importance, his own suffering. 

“Home? To what? I killed my father. My mother wanted the boy she sent away, she never wanted me. She never came for me,” he said, his voice dropping. There was the briefest of pauses. “Home to you?” 

Rey laughed mirthlessly, scornfully.

“I have no home,” she said, coldly, “I’m nobody, remember? And my parents never came for me, either, and I didn’t turn to the dark. I won’t pity you.”

Oh, but she did. 

They stared at each other across the fire for what seemed like a age. He stepped forward, closer to the light.

“We could have found home together,” he said, his voice quiet, emotionless.

She knew that voice. She’d heard it before. She shouldn’t have believed it then, and she wouldn’t believe it now. The embers flared again between them, and she could finally see his face. His doublet collar was open, his throat, the muscles and tendons rigid, visible. He looked...undone. Leia’s death, their escape. They had taken a toll. But more, they had taken his rage. It was gone, she could see that, and something else was in its place. It almost looked like regret. The ball in her heart threatened to unfold.

“Ben…”

Noise from behind Rey startled her. She broke her gaze with Ren and turned to see Poe coming down the path to find her. She turned back and he was gone. She couldn’t feel him anymore.

***

Rey lay in her bunk later that night. Rose was across the room in her bed, her face to the bottom of the bunk above her. It was warm on the Falcon, and Rey’s foot was hanging out from under her thin, scratchy blanket. She could see that Rose was wrapped up tightly in a much softer comforter. Rey had no idea where it had come from, but knew Finn must have dug it up somewhere. Rey grinned with the image of him tucking her in for the night. 

“Rose?” 

Rey hated to wake her, she knew how exhausted Rose was, but she had to tell her. She trusted her and could be unguarded around her, which was such a relief.

”Mmm-hmm.”

Rey watched Rose roll over to face her. She was smiling, and Rey loved her for it. That smile could turn back the tide. 

“He was there. Tonight.” 

Her anger was gone. By the end, her need to stab at him had evaporated. Now she was left with the terrible feeling that she had won a victory not worth having.

Rose sighed. How sad this all was, how unnecessary. If everyone would just stop acting so very stupid, stop fighting what they really wanted, ask for help. They all had so much pride. She was fairly sure pride and fear had conspired to ruin all of their lives. She suddenly sucked in her breath, struck by an alarming thought.

“He didn’t know it was her funeral, that we’re here...” 

“No, he didn’t,” Rey was quick to reassure her. “He said he knew she was gone, but he still asked me, to make sure. I don’t think he wanted to believe it. I told him it was his fault that she was dead. I wanted to hurt him.”

Guilt flooded her. She wanted to let him go, despise him, cleanly and absolutely; he was their enemy, all that they had been fighting. That day on Crait, when she closed the door on the Falcon, she closed it on him, too. It was a tidy metaphor in her mind, anyway. But, the bond remained, and she knew in her heart it was because they both needed it, so desperately. Tonight, his need had burned across the distance between them as strongly as the flames from the bonfire. The longing for that connection burned constantly in the pit of her stomach, too, feeding her traitorous feelings. 

When Ben took off his glove that night after the cave to touch her hand, he took off Kylo Ren, too, truly, for the first time, and she saw why the evil had consumed him, why he tried to destroy everything that connected him to his past. And how she felt that night, to not be alone, it was too much. In quiet moments, she sometimes found herself back by that fire in her hut, wanting to live there, with him, forever. But then she’d see Poe’s face and remember that Kylo Ren had violated him, and her, and thousands of others. How could he ever atone for what he’d done, even if he had joined her in the light? It was all too difficult to unravel.

“Even after I told him she had died, all he could do was ask me why I left him on Snoke’s ship. What answer could I possibly have given him that would make any difference? How does he not understand??”

“Rey…”

Rey sat up and punched her pillow. Maybe the anger wasn’t really gone. 

“I know! I know. In my heart, I know, but I can’t believe it, Rose, and what good would it do if I did? He’s not coming back. And with what happened, I don’t want him to.”

She dug into her memories of what had passed between them, pushing on them like a tongue checking a sore tooth, keeping the pain fresh. She frequently walked through all that had been said, looking for new meaning in each exchange, some explanation. 

The sight of him, half-undressed, popped into her mind. She knew it had been Snoke, and it sickened her that he tried to play on such base motivations, such vulnerability. She had been mortified, which, in turn, made her defensive. She wasn’t prepared for that kind of intimacy, and he hadn’t made any effort to hide. He was too stubborn to be embarrassed, too vain. 

She couldn’t help it. In spite of everything, she laughed.

“What?” asked Rose.

“One of the times I saw him, through the bond, it must have been in his quarters. He wasn’t wearing a shirt.” 

She looked over at Rose as she said this, an incredulous, bashful smile on her open, lovely face. She wanted to see Rose’s reaction. It was such a normal thing to do.

Rose sat up. Her hand involuntarily came up to cover her mouth. 

“Huuuuuuuhhhh, what? What did you do?” 

“I asked him to put something on. And he said nothing! Just stood there, staring. I didn’t know where to look. It was ridiculous.”

“Was he wearing his mask?”

It shouldn’t have been funny, but it was. They both started giggling, these two old, young women, and then they were laughing so hard they clutched their stomachs, tears pouring down their cheeks. Neither of them had laughed in a long time.

As their mirth faded, Rey briefly lost herself in the memory. She could feel him, standing there, exposed, the healing wound she had given him lurid against his white skin. In that moment, she was mortifyingly aware of her inexperience, of how ill-equipped she was to handle the tangle of attraction and revulsion that had overwhelmed her, battering at her natural mild prudishness. She hated being discomposed. Then she got very still, remembering what happened next. 

“Rey?” asked Rose, sensing her discomfort, “you know, it’s okay to have confusing feelings about all of this. Even with,” Rose mimed a Forcey hand gesture, “you’re still a person.”

Rey smiled again at Rose, so grateful to her for saying what no one else had. She was still just a person, a lonely, confused, very young person. 

“Sometimes, I wish I had stayed on Jakku.” 

“I know. Sometimes, I wish I had stayed at home. Maybe Paige would still be alive.” 

Rey was ashamed. Rose lost her sister, and Rey knew barely anything about her, the young woman who had given her life for the Resistance, who had, by all accounts, been remarkable in so many ways. She felt terribly selfish.

“Will you tell me about her?”

All the rest of that night, while Rose told Rey stories about her sister, her family, Rey was jealous, and sad, and amused, and happy for her friend that she had so many people who loved her, and that she was now one of them. They slept late the next day, peacefully, glad to have each other.


	5. Chapter 5

Kylo Ren was alone, again. He was always alone, it would always be that way. He sulked. He knew he sulked, and he hated himself for it. His father would always tell him to knock it off, his mother would leave him alone to work it out himself, like she did with everything. He was smart, she said to Han, he’d come to them if he needed to. But neither of them knew how deeply, deeply unhappy he really was. They had bigger evil empires to overthrow. Was he just born to wallow? To feel ill-used and misunderstood? It had been why Snoke had chosen him, cultivated him, he knew that. His strength, his...pettishness. His long memory for every hurt. 

He had a habit of holding his lightsaber when he sulked, spinning it in one hand, impatient to strike at something. Behind, in front, behind, in front, then turn, point, back to pacing. His rooms were huge, but very little furniture remained. There wasn’t anything to get in his way now. He turned and brought the blade around, slowly, visualizing everything he wanted to cut from his mind.

He saw her with them, her friends, on his father’s ship that day on the old Rebel base. She loved them, the pilot, FN-2187, Chewbacca. She loved those who plagued and defied him. His mother. She loved Rey, believed in her, gave her freedom to leave, if only to find Luke and bring him back. His whole life, there had always been Luke, who had, in the end, mocked him as everything fell. Who was Ben to the man who brought an end to the Empire, redeemed Anakin Skywalker? Who was he to a woman who had Luke and Han both, and the love of the galaxy? But he knew. He knew. It was all him. The hurt, the abandonment, it was because he wanted to be more special. How could he have possibly been more special? But special to them, enough for them. He was never enough. For Han, for Leia, for Luke, for Rey. Nothing had been or would ever be enough.

She was there, she was always there. Right out of his line of sight, right around the corner. Since he returned to the fleet, he wore himself to collapse, drilling, picking petty fights with Hux, endlessly walking the ship, leading every reconnaissance flight mission, anything to block out the memory of her refusal and his ensuing implosion. The troopers, the staff, they’d hear him coming and flee. He made certain to walk loudly enough so they’d scatter before him. He had made the mistake of picking a cadet to spar with one evening and had nearly killed the young man before he saw the boy, not Snoke, bleeding on the floor. As he scanned the terrified faces of the other cadets, his trance broke, and he was newly struck with the horror of what he’d done. 

“Take him,” he had said quietly to the shocked observers. “He needs help.” 

He’d thrown his practice staff down and stormed out, shaking his head and arms as though to dislodge the shame. By the time he returned to his quarters, his hands were shaking so hard he couldn’t unfasten his boots, untie his doublet. He was grateful that the ship had water reclamation. He stood in the heat of the shower’s flow for a long time, still partly dressed. Things were coming back, things he hadn’t been allowed to feel for so long, things that started again with her. The flood of rage that had smothered all other emotion had ebbed, and shallow pools of fear, uncertainty and confusion were left to stagnate in the open.

In what little sleep he had, he saw the boy’s face. It morphed into his own face as a child, when Luke stood over him, his friends’ faces as they fled with Snoke and his men, the Temple burning behind them. Why did the Temple have to fall? Snoke didn’t merely conquer, he salted the earth. They were there, always there, the other children, younger than him, sweet and eager, most of them. Maker, how they’d annoyed him with their questions, their shadowing, their hero-worship he knew he couldn’t have deserved less, and he’d killed them, some of them. They would always be there in his mind, on that muddy hillside, bloody and innocent.

He knew he was no leader, he was Snoke’s revenge. Who was he now? He also knew Hux didn’t believe that Rey had killed Snoke. He didn’t know what he believed himself, anymore. He wanted to talk to her again, scream at her, demand that, this time, she tell him why she denied him. Ask her for help. She could tell him what to do next, if he let her. And she would, it was all so clear to her, so desperately clouded for him. He wanted to take her hand again, tell her he was sorry, for everything, and start anew. He stopped swinging, walked towards the wall of windows near his bed, and stared out, seeing nothing. It took him a few minutes to notice the soft light behind him.

“Hey, kid.” 

***

Poe was anxious to leave Endor. To him, once a door was shut, it was shut forever. It was the only way he could move forward. Leia was gone, so they must go, now. Everything annoyed him: the quiet of the planet, leaving him alone with his thoughts; C-3PO, wallowing in his role of deity to the Ewoks; the wild animals that kept him up at night, just outside the circle of firelight near where he slept in the village. 

He was pacing outside the Falcon, waiting for the report on rations, fuel, the condition of the ship. He was used to a crew, someone else tackling the mechanics while he did the things he always did, the things he was good at. But now, he had to do it all. Everyone else was used to the responsibilities, but he was not.

“I hate it here.” He snapped at Finn. “I feel so damn trapped. It’s like being back home. So many...trees. I can’t see a blasted thing. I miss my fighter, I would be out there, doing some good, not stuck on the ground.”

Things were dire. The Ewoks had given them food, but much of it wouldn’t keep. The refrigeration on the Falcon hadn’t worked in as long as Chewie could remember, and he could remember a lot. Low on rations, low on fuel... They had ransacked the remains of the old Empire base on the planet, finding only a few spare tools, a couple of elderly console parts. Not much had survived.

How the hell could they have not known what was happening, Poe kept demanding of himself. How did the First Order create and keep hidden a weapon that would destroy the Republic? There had been so many distractions, so many skirmishes, so many small ways the First Order had kept them occupied. Damn it, why had he not tried harder to find out what the enemy was doing? Why did no one in the Senate listen? And now, there were almost none of the Rebels left. He didn’t have enough fuel to jump to any more of the ports where the other pilots had been sent before this nightmare started, ports they hadn’t been to before Leia... He couldn’t bear the thought of limping through the galaxy until the ragged end. If there was only someone to fight right here, right now.

Rose and Rey came down the ramp, and Rey stopped abruptly when she saw Poe’s troubled face. She knew how he felt, anxiety and inaction mixing to make everything seem deliberately infuriating. She liked him as soon as she met him, she couldn’t help it. He was possibly the easiest person to be around she’d ever known, funny and endearing and so damn charming, even if he made her a little nervous. His biggest flaw, she thought, was that he was also really full of himself. She could see why he fought with Leia so much. While searching for a place to regroup, she and he had incessantly argued about who was going to fly the Falcon alongside Chewie. Poe kept taking the pilot’s seat like it was waiting for him, aggravating her.

“Han Solo offered me a job!” she’d argued, pointing at the cockpit of the ship from the deck after she blocked him from trying to steal her spot, yet again. “He trusted me! I got this ship off of Jakku, I came to get you on Crait, I found Ahch-to! There isn’t one part of this ship I don’t know. Can you say the same?? I am the pilot!”

She turned to take the seat when he grabbed her arm.

“With all due respect, honey, I’ve flown more ships in the last six months than you have in your whole life. I know what I’m doing, so let me do it.”

He may as well have patted on the head as he tried to shift her aside, moving towards the cockpit door. She stared at his hand on her arm and then his face as she clamped her hand over his, stepped to the side and swept his leg with her foot. He sprawled backwards on the floor. She knelt down next to him and leaned in very close, her nose an inch from his. 

“I’m flying this ship. It’s my job, and that seat is mine. Now go check the coolant lines. They’re leaking.” She stood, turned to walk away and, over her shoulder, said, “and don’t ever call me honey again.”

She saw him smile at her from where he lay on the floor, and knew that was it. He did, however, continually offer her pointers and advice, which she mostly ignored. He was a terrible back-seat pilot.

Their banter made Finn a little uncomfortable, Rey could tell. They were all in such close proximity, their relationships kept shifting. The stress of their situation made gauging emotions difficult, and they were all so heightened. So, she kept Poe at a little more of a distance than Finn, just until she knew him better and he flustered her less.

“We have plenty of water to last us at least six months. We have enough rations for two, if we are very careful, we have fuel for two more jumps, but you know that. However, we have no parts but what we’ve scavenged, and the Falcon is old and has been through too much. I’m worried she’s not going to make it much longer.” 

Chewie barked, indignant, and Rey quickly turned and said, 

“I’m sorry! I just meant that Unkar Plutt neglected her badly. She’s a wonderful ship,” she said, to both herself and him. She would be miserable leaving the Falcon behind. She looked so apologetic that Chewie gently stroked her hair, forgivingly. 

“She needs massive repairs. There isn’t a system that hasn’t been damaged or rewired, badly, or is missing altogether.” Rose stated, acidly, looking at a list she’d scribbled on the back of an old map. 

She turned to Chewie.

“Why do half of the switches in the cockpit not work? Do you have floodlights? De-icing? Your inverters are shot, you know.”

Chewie shrugged and grumbled at her. 

“The one good thing is that I can mask our hyperspace signature. I was working on it before Paige…” She trailed off.

Poe, who had known Paige well, embraced Rose, letting her have a moment of grief, grief he shared. When she drew back, he squeezed her upper arm.

“Even so, everyone knows the Falcon. She’s too recognizable. And, she’s falling apart. I’m sorry, but we need to find another ship.” Poe was pacing again. “If I could just get ahold of anyone, anywhere, we could hide the Falcon and borrow something else.”

“Borrow? Who would have a ship just lying around they’d be willing to throw our way?” Finn demanded, hands flapping in disbelief.

Poe stopped pacing and looked at the group, a half smile suddenly on his lips.

“I’m not sure, but I might have an idea.” 

***

“Get out.” Kylo Ren whispered to the air.

He had his back to his quarters, desperate to avoid turning and seeing who he knew would be sitting on his bed. It had only been a matter of time, after all.

“Yeah, sorry, kid, that’s not how this goes. You make a huge mistake, I come back to tell you how stupid you are. At least, that’s how it always worked with me.”

“You. You tried to stop her. You destroyed her peace the way you destroyed mine.”

Luke rolled his eyes. 

“You never had any peace. But you’re right, I did try to destroy hers. I was wrong.” He sighed. “I can’t help but feel that we’re just playing out the same tragedy over and over.”

Ren said nothing.

“Do you know how I failed you the most, how I failed the both of you the most?”

“No. Enlighten me.”

“By thinking this whole thing, the Force, the Jedi, the light and the dark, was a war. When Rey came to me, I told her that there was nothing left to learn, that the Jedi had failed, but it wasn’t true. Oh, the Jedi failed, we were fools to think we had to only embrace the light. But she taught me something. She didn’t fight the dark. Why should she? She told you, about the cave, I assume, in one of your little chats?” 

Ren was annoyed at Luke’s condescension, his belittling of his time with Rey.

“How do you know about the cave?” He asked, accusingly.

“I knew everything that happened on the island. Almost.”

He stared for a moment at his nephew, still dismayed that he hadn’t seen what was happening until he made another destructive mistake. He should never have shut himself off.

“Rey didn’t know anything about the Jedi, aside from the usual dreck. She went into the dark, saw that it offered her nothing, and walked away, hurt, but still...herself. She doesn’t seem to feel the way the Jedi have always done about the Force. I think she sees things I don’t. I think we, I, have been wrong, Ben.”

Ren glanced at his uncle. There was no judgement, no blame, no anger in Luke’s face. There was his usual sardonic not quite smile, but this time, Ren saw guilt and some self-loathing. He knew about both, intimately. 

“It doesn’t matter, it’s too late. She’s gone. The Force lied, there is no future. She’ll never come back. No one will.” 

Saying the words hurt him so much. There’s nothing worse than believing in something beautiful, only to find out it’s as ugly as all the other failed hopes.

Luke stared. He had not seen this nephew in a long time. Here, in the dark of his quarters, Ben Solo started to take shape again. Luke took a chance.

“The last time I saw your mother, she said the same thing about you.” 

Ren recoiled, picturing his mother’s face. It wounded him to his last trace of self, against all reason, that she had finally given up before she died.

“Why would you tell me that?” he demanded. 

“Because of what I’m about to say,” Luke snapped. “Be quiet and listen.”

It was so strange, Ren thought, him standing there, surrounded by the blue light, nearly the same in death as he was in life. So smug. Ren wanted to shove him. He resisted the foolish urge to raise his saber.

“I’m going to tell you what I told your mother. No one is ever too far gone. You’re not, Rey isn’t. I wasn’t. My father wasn’t. We’ve fought so hard, Ben, to bring order and balance back to the galaxy, even if we went about it all wrong. What do you think this was for, if you give in to your bitterness and hatred, if our mistakes are the last chapter? The Force needs you both. There is no balance without the two of you, you have to do this together, teach each other, learn from each other. And you need to seek the wisdom of the Whills. I should have.”

Ben grimaced, rolled his eyes and laughed derisively. There was the sullen teen Luke remembered.

“The Whills? If they ever existed, they died on Jedha. What they believed in is a myth. There is no gray. There is only this.” 

He gestured between them, around them.

“Well, you know everything,” Luke replied, sighing. “It’s a good thing Rey doesn’t, she won’t stop looking. And stop acting like that, you know I’m right. At least, this time. Don’t wait too long, kid.”

With a familiar pat on the shoulder, Luke was gone, and Kylo Ren was alone again.


	6. Chapter 6

“I’m sorry, we’re going where?” Finn demanded, incredulously.

“Bespin. You know, Cloud City? Come on, I feel like you guys should know where that is.” Poe seemed crestfallen that his clever plan had fallen so flat. His enormous, canary-eating smile faded as he looked around at the pinched faces of his friends.

“No, no, I know where Bespin is. Have you forgotten that I was a Stormtrooper? Of course I know Bespin. The First Order was always trying to get a foothold there. Lando Calrissian might have been a Resistance general, but no one has heard from him in a long time. He didn’t answer General Organa’s call for help.” 

Finn was agitated, he needed Poe to understand his concern and actually listen. Poe was impulsive, and Leia wasn’t there to keep him in check. She was a senator, she was royalty, she was respected. Who were they?

“I don’t think he’ll help us,” Finn insisted.

Poe turned to Chewbacca. 

“Chewie, what do you think?”

Chewie barked to Rey, who waited until he was finished to translate.

“He says that Lando left the Resistance a long time ago. That he went home to Cloud City and might not want us bringing trouble to him.” 

Somehow, it all sounded very familiar. 

“Look,” said Poe, “Bespin is on the fringes of the galaxy and the planet is shrouded in clouds. It would be impossible for anyone to see us coming if Rose can mask our signature. If we could get a message to Lando…”

“If,” Finn interrupted, “and that’s a big if.”

“If we could get a message to him,” repeated Poe, looking at Finn, “maybe he could hide the Falcon and loan us a ship. We know it used to belong to him. Chewie, the Falcon is yours now, and you’re the only one who knows Lando. It’s up to you, buddy.”

Chewie was quiet. Then he softly growled a single word. None of them needed a translator. 

***

Endor and Bespin weren’t that far apart, galactically speaking, but the jump would take up a lot of their fuel, and they had no way to know if Lando had gotten their message. But, they had been on Endor for too long, and they were anxious to go. At this point, any plan was better than sitting around, waiting. They’d all walked the same paths and salvaged the same wreckage too many times, and, while the planet was green and the air was fresh, one of them was going to get eaten by something if they stayed any longer. This planet was full of teeth and claws and eyeballs that showed up outside the village and the Falcon’s windows at night. 

Poe detailed the flight to Bespin to them once he had mapped out the most fuel-efficient route.

“We’re going to jump in well out of range of Cloud City’s sensor array, and we’ll use Rose’s tech to mask our arrival until we’re close enough to the city. Lando will know the Falcon’s signature and we need to hope that he lets us in. If we’re lucky, there’ll be a lot of traffic and we can slip in with the other arrivals at night, unnoticed. If we’re not, we’ll need to fight our way out.”

He said this almost like he wanted it to happen. 

“Rey? When you fly us in, you’re going to have to keep right on any other ship that we can draft. The less fuel we can use, the better, in case we need to jump out. Let’s get ready, we’ll go in the morning.”

Everyone had their jobs. Rey sat in Han’s chair and absently ran her checklist. Things were nagging at her. It didn’t matter where they went, nowhere they could go would help her. Lando couldn’t fix her problem. She’d tried again and again to read the books she took from Ahch-to, but with no success. She had this aching behind her eyes, a feeling that, if she just squinted a little more, or concentrated a little harder, the shapes would suddenly make sense. But they never did. She wondered who the last person to read them was. Did Luke manage to do it? She felt the familiar surge of frustration that accompanied anything to do with using the Force, with trying to learn to be a Jedi. No teacher, can’t read the books, a broken lightsaber. 

Well, there was one thing she could always do well, she thought, so maybe she could start there. 

A couple of hours later, everyone had just finished supper in the village when Rey asked them to follow her back into the ship and wait in the lounge. She ducked into her room, grabbed the two pieces of the broken saber from the drawer under her bunk, rejoined her friends and set the weapon’s two halves on the chessboard so they all could examine them.

“I need to fix this,” she said, gesturing. 

“You want to fix a lightsaber?” Poe said, surprised at nothing she did anymore. She was incredibly brave and intelligent, but she didn’t have the filters and guards that others, like him, had developed as a means to protect themselves from their own and other people’s emotions. Growing up so isolated had left her oddly guileless, especially as, from her retelling of her youth, she’d had to protect herself so fiercely in every other way. It was endearing. He understood why Finn, Leia and the notoriously curmudgeonly Han had been so taken with her.

“Yes, I want to fix it, I know, somehow, that it’s part of what I need to do. The problem is, I don’t know anything about it. It’s totally unlike anything I’ve ever seen before and the books I took from Ahch-to are totally useless. So, what should I do? Where do I start? Does anyone have any helpful suggestions? We can’t make it worse!”

Then she stood there, hands on hips, giving them all her purposeful look as she checked each of their faces hopefully. 

“You stole books from Ahch-to?” Finn was stunned. She stole from Luke Skywalker. “Jedi books.”

She looked surprised at their surprise.

“Yeah, of course, he didn’t want them. He didn’t want any of it. I need them. Except I can’t read them.”

She furrowed her brow at the saber, then she held up a finger as if to tell her friends to wait again. She jogged out of the room and came back with the books. She set them down on the board with a whack. 

They all stared, open-mouthed, at the Jedi texts, certain they would be blasted if they touched them. No one reached out a hand.

She, not noticing their borderline terror, opened one of the books where a stained and watery cross-section of a lightsaber was drawn in a remarkably fine hand and surrounded by completely inexplicable writing.

“There’s the crystal, I see it, I know it must somehow amplify the energy stored in it, but how??”

She threw up her hands and dropped into a nearby chair.

“Anyone want to try? Threepio? You are fluent in…”

“Over six million forms of communication,” they all finished with her.

“Well, I never,” said Threepio. They all chuckled.

“If you’re all finished. I was going to tell you that a lightsaber is a plasma weapon utilizing the focusing abilities of a kyber crystal imbued with the Force to produce a blade capable of tremendous cutting power. It consists of a metal housing, a power source and activator switch, an emitter matrix and…”

All their heads snapped to C-3PO. Poe interrupted, surprised this time. “You know how to make a lightsaber?”

“No, sadly, I do not. But, R2-D2 was there, on Tatooine, when Master Luke forged his own. But this blade is not of Master Luke’s making, this was the lightsaber of his father, Anakin Skywalker.”

They all stared at the broken pieces on the little black and silver squares. Rey had known it was Luke’s, but she had almost forgotten it had also been Darth Vader’s. No wonder Ben had wanted it so badly. She reached out to pick up the half of the saber that housed the crystal, just visible inside the bent and broken shielding.

“Where do kyber crystals come from,” she asked, turning the metal in her hand until she could see the white surface. “Did Ana….”

A hand pulled her into the dark and let go. She spun in fear and confusion, looking about for anything familiar, when in front of her suddenly stood a young man, pale and somehow brittle, cupping a crystal in his hands, eyes closed. She heard a saber ignite behind her, and turned to see the blue flame of a blade in the young man’s hand, illuminating the face of a terrified child. A weeping woman to her right, and another blue lightsaber, held by a bearded man. All around was ash and flame, and a hand reached out to pick up the saber that lay at her feet. Luke, young and untested, an old man sitting nearby, watching. He met her eyes, and Vader faced her, his labored breathing magnified by his ventilator. He raised his saber. She turned to run and her face was wet with snow, the blade in her hand. She looked down at it and she was on the island, blazing in her fury at Luke. She lifted it and Snoke fell. She saw Ben’s face from across the throne room, but then he was young, maskless, with others dressed as he was, holding blue and green sabers. She closed her eyes...

She felt a pull and Rose and Finn were by her side. She was on the floor of the Falcon, one hand still reaching for Anakin Skywalker’s Jedi weapon, now held in the hands of Poe, who was afraid. 

“Rey? Rey, it’s all right, you’re okay.” 

The wildness in Rey’s eyes faded, replaced by recognition, then determination.

“Rose. Where is it, the lightsaber?” 

Rose took it from Poe and handed it to her. Rey touched the crystal before anyone could stop her. Her friends reached out, shouting. Nothing happened. Rey half laughed, half sobbed in relief, for she had seen herself, too, in the end, her face bloody but strong, the lightsaber in her hands, its blade a pale violet. Her lightsaber. 

She smiled and the Force sent out a little ripple, just enough to pass the message. She was almost ready, she was coming.


	7. Chapter 7

Hux waited on the bridge of the Finalizer. His hands were clasped behind his back in his usual posture, but he quietly ground his teeth in unpleasant anticipation. Ren would arrive shortly, his attendance on the bridge only guaranteed by a degree of obsequiousness that left Hux feeling sullied. It wouldn’t be long, however, before he never had to feign deference again. For the time being, not turning to meet Ren as he approached would display some form of superiority. It was enough for now, at least.

Hux despised Ren’s presence, but he looked forward to seeing how much further Snoke’s former protege had fallen, delighting in the Supreme Leader’s self-destruction. Ren’s insane fury on Crait had been replaced by a powerful and corrosive self-loathing that Hux cultivated, knowing it would be Ren’s undoing. It would only be a matter of time before Hux could dispose of this useless figurehead and modernize his movement. They needed no mysticism here.

When they first met, the young man who had formerly been Ben Solo had worried Hux deeply. He was unhinged and volatile and Hux had no understanding of his methods. Whereas his were precise, planned and fastidious, Ren’s were scattershot, spontaneous and expensively destructive. Supreme Leader Snoke had told Hux that the grandson of Darth Vader would remind the New Republic that the dark never dies, that the memory of the Sith Lord would cripple the galaxy with fear, that Ren’s strength in the Force would be channelled to end the Jedi. But, Hux thought, in the deepest, most private part of his mind, that Snoke was incorrect in his assessment of the Skywalker bloodline. Vader had failed. And now, here they were. Hux allowed himself a degree of smug satisfaction over his accurate tactical assessment of the situation.

“What.” Hux heard Ren’s voice, heavy and rasping, behind him. He shuddered. He tugged his coat, straightening it.

“Supreme Leader. It has been weeks since we lost the surviving members of the Resistance. Our lack of progress makes us look weak. We must find the girl. She cannot be allowed to carry on the Jedi order. We must snuff out the hope that lingers with her survival. It is time, you must use the Force, find the girl. The rest will be with her. Reach out.”

Here he waved one hand in a circle, not understanding how the Force worked, but repeating something he had heard Snoke say to Ren once before. When he should have not been listening.

Ren stepped very, very close to Hux. He knew it made the general extremely uncomfortable. Hux surrounded himself with an unbreachable proximity barrier of his own imaginings, and it had long been a source of small amusement to Ren to continually violate that barrier.

“Do not presume to order me. I cannot merely find the girl if she doesn’t wish to be found. Your men have searched all the known Rebel sympathizing planets and are patrolling using your algorithm. You have placed a bounty on their heads, no? Why have you not found them?” he demanded, knowing the answer.

She was safe. He knew, somehow, and kept the knowledge tight in his fist.

“My men regularly return to this fleet with full reports of their searches and the continual sweeps of the hyperspace routes, if you cared to read them.”

He moved to a console and pulled up page after page of unsatisfactory findings. He faced Ren and gestured at the display with his hand, as if inviting a read. Then, he took a deep, subtle breath, readying himself for great risk.

“We must recall the Knights of Ren. The members of your order will not stand by while their Master’s murderer is free to spread dissent throughout the galaxy. They will not fail, while you stay here, hiding behind…”

He, of course, couldn’t finish his sentence. Ren lifted a hand and Hux couldn’t breathe, his feet dangling a few inches above the floor.

“You dare order me to summon my Knights? They are of no concern to you. I am the Supreme Leader now. You will not speak to me as you did with Snoke to protect you. Snoke is dead, the Knights are mine. Continue your search, and do it without disturbing me. I will alert you if you are needed.”

Hux dropped to the floor. He stood quickly, straightening out his jacket, massaging his throat. He had goaded Ren on purpose, closely watching his reaction. He had seen Ren angry, irritated, defensive, even, but he had never seen him afraid, until now. He could also see that the other man was not well. He had heard things, brought to him by his loyal soldiers. Everywhere Ren went, Hux went, too. Uneaten food, hollow eyes, a path of terror and destruction every night, a cadet in the infirmary. Hux was narrow and cruel, but he was not stupid. It was the girl. Kylo Ren, beaten again by a nobody from Jakku before she fled in Snoke’s very ship. It was delightful. And now, the Supreme Leader was frightened at the mention of the Knights, his own order, his fellow apprentices. Hux smirked and rocked back on his heels, unaware of the stares of dislike and even disgust on the faces of the bridge staff around him.

***

The Knights of Ren, of course, already knew Snoke was dead, they didn’t need his little soldier to tell them. And they didn’t care. They had their task, they were beholden unto no one. But, the message they received from Hux intrigued them. Apparently, Kylo Ren had styled himself the new Supreme Leader of the First Order, and this Hux thought Ren had killed Snoke himself while blaming an unnamed assailant who seemed to command the Force. Hux needed their help in defeating Snoke’s killer and returning the First Order to its rightful commander. Himself, they presumed Hux meant.

It amused them to them to get an order from Snoke’s whimpering dog. He was no one. But they also had long thought that Kylo Ren was useless, that Snoke had kept him as a sort of charm, Vader’s grandson on a leash to the dark. That he had turned and destroyed his Master spoke of more daring than they had ever expected. This might shift the balance between them. The four remaining Knights wouldn’t care to have their activities curtailed, and they needed the First Order to keep a stranglehold on the galaxy. Oh, the tales of black-clothed dark warriors dragging people out of their beds at night and executing them had frightened some, but not all, the systems. How else could they fulfill Snoke’s work of destroying the legacy of the Jedi if they didn’t root it out wherever it lived, be that in a temple or a person? But a unified people were less easily cowed, and the Knights couldn’t have that. So, they would continue to use this Hux as an easily manipulated weapon in their war. Kylo Ren, well, they’d see about him.

***

It was all grief; boundless, pitiless grief. The boy, the cadet, lived, but barely. Luke’s words drilled into him. His mother’s death. She had given up, finally. He would never see her again. Luke had made him look a fool. Rey was gone, she chose to be with them. She was always going to choose them. She was there, at the end of a single thread, but it was long and thin and frail. He was so afraid to snap it, he ceased tugging.

On the night he asked Rey about his mother, he had wondered if she’d scream at him. He almost wanted her to. Maybe the dam would burst, he had thought, maybe his brutalized heart would break forth, pouring out all the hatred and fear, loneliness and deep, deep shame. Or, maybe, nothing would happen. Again. But there was no emotion in her but disappointment, no release to be had. Even as she said his name, at the end, he couldn’t tell if it was in disappointment or something else. He lived in the moment when she threw his words back at him, marking his cruelty, the moment he knew he had destroyed everything.

And now Hux wanted him to recall his order, to seek answers for Snoke’s death. They would see that he killed Snoke, that he had become weak, and they would seize upon this weakness to destroy him.

“I’m worried about you.” Luke was behind him. This time, he was sitting in the chair by the window.

Ren laughed, bitterly. “It’s too late for that, don’t you think?”

Luke ignored him. “You’re no good to anyone if you starve to death. When was the last time you ate?”

Ren couldn’t remember.

“The galaxy has nothing,” he mumbled. “Now that my mother is gone, there is no hope. The First Order will take it back. The Empire rises again. Sh...the Resistance will have no place to hide.”

He didn’t mention the Knights.

Luke had to stop himself from saying something about the dangers of getting what you thought you wanted.

“Ben, I told you before. We have to stop playing out this same scene over and over. You. You can stop it. It will end well for no one if you don’t. Did you ever think that your killing Snoke and taking the mantle of the,” Luke snorted, “Supreme Leader was no accident? You never did listen to me or anyone else. You can end this.”

Ren whirled, his expression the sum of all his tumultuous emotions, his scar pulling a white crease across the flush of his cheek.

“Why? Why should I end it? How can it end for me? For her? For all of them?” he demanded, pointing out the window. “How can my ending it change what has been done, what I have done??”

Luke leaned forward. The man before him, just for a moment, seemed to care about the fate of others, about how his actions could affect them. That was new. And, while he had probably meant the question to be rhetorical, Luke answered anyway.

“You can stop more of this from happening, stop more people from being hurt. Command this fleet! You are the leader of this nightmare and you have the Force. Use it for good. It wants you to. This isn’t about the light and the dark, Ben, this is about what the galaxy needs.”

He leaned back, his voice softening slightly.

“But I don’t know if anything can undo what you’ve done. That’s not for me to say.”

Ren threw up his hands.

“Well then, what good are you?” he hissed.

“None, none at all. But she is.”

Ren slumped, exhausted, onto the edge of his bed.

“I mean nothing to her. I feel her still but she’s gone.”

Luke stood and came to sit by his nephew. He had never seen him this unguarded, not even as a child.

“She’s there. You must trust that she’s there. But you cannot rely upon her to tell you what to do. People have been forcing their will upon you for far too long. You must decide for yourself. Who ARE you?? Are you Snoke’s puppet? Are you the little boy who got left behind? Are you the monster? Are you a man?”

Luke pushed his finger into Ren’s chest. He wasn’t done.

“Do you love her?”

Ren’s head snapped up. No one had said that word to him in so long.

“What?”

“You heard me. Do you love her? She came for you. She saw something in you that called to her and she came. And what did you do? You shut her out, and it’s destroying you. Do you love her?”

Ben Solo looked at his uncle.

“What is love?” he asked. “I don’t know it. How would I know what it felt like? And what does it matter? She could never have taken my hand. I knew it. But still I offered it. Now I have nothing to give. It’s over.”

He was trapped in that moment. His pleading. He knew she could never join him. He hurt her. But he couldn’t go to her, couldn’t go back. There was no future for him. Not out there, not in here. His uncle sat next to him and slapped his shoulder.

“That’s the spirit,” the Jedi said, sighing.

***  
Rey was sitting up on her bunk, in the dark. Rose was sleeping, and she should be sleeping, too. They were leaving for Bespin soon, and she didn’t want to risk their safety by flying exhausted. But she was so unsettled. The vision, her vision when she touched the crystal, it wouldn’t let her rest. Again and again she saw him on Snoke’s ship, in that moment when she knew she had lost. She wanted to hit him, punch him into sense. It was so stupid, they had come so close, he had so much to gain, and yet he chose the path that tortured him.

The hurt was so fresh that she hadn’t dug around in it too deeply yet. It was easier to live on the surface, cling to disappointment and use his words to prove that he was beyond redemption, but that at least she had tried, and she could now move forward knowing she had done all she could. It wasn’t the truth, though. She’d allowed herself to feel something more. Not merely understanding or the reunification of a beloved family, but something just for her, with him. She wouldn’t name it, she refused to name it even though Rose had.

But, now it was her job to let it go. There were more important things to do. The problem was, she didn’t want to. He was hurting, he had lost his mother. No matter how angry she was, she knew what he must be feeling, no matter how deeply he had buried those feelings. All those desperately lonely nights on Jakku, what she wouldn’t have given for a kind word, a friend. She was still frustrated, still hurt, but she was also still herself, and she couldn’t let go. She still cared, too.

As she rested her head against the wall of his father’s ship, Rey opened her mind, just a little, and pushed out. It was like looking for a thread in a knot, the one that would cause everything to unravel if it was eased free. She tugged a little, and felt it tighten. No pulling, just a little...resistance. She sent a thought, just a thought, not knowing if he would receive it, but hoping, somehow, that, if he did, it would help.

_She loved you._

Something came back, although it was too subtle to attach any value to it. She finally felt as though she could sleep. She laid down and closed her eyes, remembering more peaceful things. But, across the galaxy, there was no sleep. He got her message. It found the crack she had made in his heart on Ahch-to and wrenched it open, and there was nothing he could do about it.


	8. Chapter 8

It was still three hours to Cloud City.

They should have been there by now. They’d left Endor that morning, Poe having timed their arrival on Bespin for when the night would be darkest. But, they’d had to drop out of lightspeed earlier than planned when alarms started hammering in their ears, alerting them that they were losing fuel at an unsustainable rate. BB-8 plugged in and the Falcon told him that the ship’s stabilizers were malfunctioning and that the vibrations from entering hyperspace had caused one of the fuel lines to break loose. Apparently, the flanges holding it in place had rusted completely through and the pipe’s pressure had burst its port, flooding the engine compartment. They had to vent the spilled fuel into space before investigating the damage as the fumes were too dangerous to breathe, and any spark from a repair could set off an explosion that would destroy the ship. Rey was furious. Everyone involved in the theft of the Falcon had much to answer for, and if Chewie hadn’t already physically ripped Unkar Plutt up one end and down the other on Takodana, Rey would gladly have done it herself, both for the poor ship and her own sake.

Rose was able to rig up a replacement part from scrap duralloy and quick setting putty, but they were going to have to travel at an uncomfortably slow speed so as to not extinguish their remaining fuel supply. She finished up with BB-8’s help in curing the sealant and joined the rest of the crew. Rose had grown very attached to the handy little ball, the droid of a thousand useful appendages, and patted his dome in gratitude as they made their way back from the core to the upper level. Rey set the ship on autopilot and entered the lounge to see Poe striding around the room in circles, his hands on his hips, as though he were marshaling his squadron. Since they were all that was left, he basically was.

“We’ll be to Bespin soon. We should have just enough fuel to make it, but not enough to jump out if there’s a problem. We have to think of a plan. We still haven’t heard from Lando. There is, of course, the possibility that he’s dead...” 

Chewie roared in disapproval at Poe’s remark. It was terribly insensitive considering everything that had happened, but Poe was terrible at reading moods, especially when the moods were buried in hair.

“Sorry, buddy, but it’s been a long time.” he said placatingly, “I’m sure he’s fine.”

He turned back to the others. 

“But, if he’s not…”

He was interrupted, thankfully, by a notification ping from the comm, indicating the receipt of a message. They all crowded around the nearest console to read it: coordinates, and a code. R2-D2 whistled. He had been largely silent since his Master’s death, but he remembered a great deal from his time on Bespin. Cloud City’s computer had been very accommodating.

“Those are coordinates for a landing bay on Cloud City,” 3PO translated, “and what appears to be an access code.” 

“But no word from Calrissian,” Finn said, looking very worried.

“We have to take what we can get,” Poe reminded him. “We at least have a place to land and possibly refuel.”

“Yeah, if this isn’t a First Order trap,” Finn replied, glumly. No one contradicted him. They were all thinking it.

***

They waited until night to approach the city. They didn’t actually think it would make that much of a difference, but at least they wouldn’t be too visible and it made them feel a little better. Rose had successfully dampened their signature as much as she could, but, if the Falcon wasn’t definitively the most recognizable ship in the galaxy, she was still a contender for the sash and crown. They stayed low in the ever-present vapor bank above the surface of the gas giant until they approached the city’s flight path and had to leave cover. At first, they could see nothing but clouds shining in the exterior beams of the Falcon; puffier, more painterly clouds than were down below. They burned through one final, enormous rain storm and emerged, streaming water, into the final approach to Ecclessis Figg and the Ugnaught’s engineering and architectural masterpiece.

Finn, Rose and Poe stared out the cockpit window from where they stood behind Chewie and Rey. Only Chewbacca had ever been to Bespin, and the others were suitably gobsmacked by the brilliantly lit marvel growing before them, suspended like a white goblet on a fragile stem being held by a giant, invisible hand. Finn pushed through the other two and leaned all the way forward over the center console, eyes wide and mouth open, so he could get a better look.

“That’s a city?? How does it stay up?? Where does the base go? Are those buildings on top??”

The ingenuity and genius of his fellow galactic citizens astounded him, especially as he had spent almost all of his life surrounded by bleak First Order technology, which, as impressive as it was, cared nothing for beauty. He stopped gaping after a few minutes, took a backwards look at Rose, who he could see was struggling to contain her wonderment, too, except she was probably more awed by the technology that allowed the city to be supported by such a narrow base. He exaggeratedly cleared his throat, leaned back, brushed off his shirt front and shrugged in transparent nonchalance.

“Eh, it’s okay. I mean, it’s no Canto Bight…”

Rose elbowed him in the ribs.

He clasped both hands to the spot where she hit him and made a wounded face. She gently pushed him out of the way and took his place in the cockpit.

“Wow. WOW. I understand, in theory, how that thing is kept in the air, but I cannot imagine the amount of energy needed to power the engines and generators that are keeping it afloat. I wonder if they’d let me see how they generate a repulsorlift field that big.” 

Rose turned to Rey, who she knew had seen about as much, or little, of the galaxy as her, and was surprised to see tears and a wistful look in the pilot’s eyes.

“Rey, what’s wrong?”

 

Rey snapped back to the present, looked at Rose and gave a little half laugh. 

“I just can’t believe it. On Jakku, I found a picture of this, of Cloud City. I didn’t think it was real, it looked like something from a dream. I never, ever thought I’d see this place. It’s beautiful.”

Rose leaned down and hugged Rey with one arm.

They all stared a few minutes longer before going back to their work. As Rey carefully merged the Falcon into the flight path, tailing other ships as closely as she could to ride their wake, she couldn’t help but disappear back into her mind, sifting through what it brought back when she did as Luke had told her, and sent her mind out into the Force. She was feeling increasingly powerful surges of emotion the closer they got to the floating city. The Force wrapped itself very tightly around it and she couldn’t tell why, exactly. 

She could feel the presence of thousands of races, millions of souls, of their typically complicated, sometimes unpleasant, sometimes beautiful feelings and needs, but none that stood out in this moment as being of particular importance. Maybe it was because there was no natural ecosystem up here, no animals or insects or plants except those that had been carefully curated, no real cycle of birth and decay, that it felt so different. She didn’t really think it was exactly that, though. There was something else, something the Force clung to, something that pulled in the light. She tried to shake off the more weighty feelings that were starting to scupper her own. Some things just left their mark, she supposed, and she might never know why.

She turned to Chewbacca, who had been silent for quite a while. When she directed her mind to him instead of the city, she felt sudden waves of intense sadness, reluctance, regret...he was so unhappy, and it pierced her. What was it about this place that drew these unwanted emotions to it and to those who came near?

“Chewie, do you…”

She wasn’t sure quite what to say. They had to go, they were too close, they had no fuel, no choice. But she hated that he was hurting and that this city caused that pain to resurface.

“Can I help?” she asked him, reaching across the center console to place her hand on his sturdy, bristly arm. 

He growled and barked at Rey, grateful for her sympathy. She understood. He sighed long and hard, straightened up his spine, scootched a Porg aside to reach the upper control panel and trimmed their nose angle, remembering to give the pudgy little hitchhiker a neck scratch when he was done. She was struck, not for the first time, by the Wookie’s capacity to bear great love and great suffering and still move forward with hope and undiminished compassion. It was a good lesson for all of them.


	9. Chapter 9

The coordinates led them to a bay in the bottom-most reaches of the city, from which cargo ships and gas compressor transports carried Bespin’s exports to the rest of the galaxy. It was obviously largely disused, crowded with old equipment. There was very little room to maneuver the ship to land, which made Chewie uncomfortable as it would mean an equally difficult departure, but it was as hidden as they could hope.

Poe and Rey were the first to leave the ship. Everyone else, especially Chewie and the droids, were to remain hidden until it was certain they were safe. They couldn’t run the risk of being recognized, even after 30 years. Finn didn’t like it. 

“Remember Starkiller? There were four of us then, and we snuck just fine. And nobody would know us here. But okay, we’ll stay on the ship, waiting. Doing nothing and waiting.” He walked away to his bunk to get his blaster, huffily repeating the last word until he was out of earshot.

As the Poe and Rey disembarked, they circled the Falcon and swept the bay for anyone hiding behind the cantilevered, floor to ceiling piles of crating. Rey gestured with her head towards an enormous riveted door, rusty and largely disused, that sat at the top of an upper platform connected to the lower deck by two long ramps. They each took one, reaching the door simultaneously. Rey held her breath and punched the numbers from the comm into the corroded keypad. As the display turned green, she and Poe turned their backs to flank the door frame, weapons drawn, uncertain who would be on the other side. The door groaned open with a screech of complaining metal, so loud they were sure everyone in the city knew they were there. The door led to a dim, quiet corridor, stacked with broken shipping containers and rusted piping. Rey exhaled and scanned ahead, feeling nothing, but that didn’t mean that they were safe. The hallway was the perfect place to either make a discreet entrance or lay a fantastic trap. They advanced slowly, Rey in front gripping her staff, her blaster from Han at her hip and Poe behind with his own blaster drawn. 

Poe was obviously nervous, and when he was nervous, Rey noticed, he chattered.

“What the hell kind of welcome is this?” he whispered to the back of her head, “I thought Lando liked the Resistance. I at least expected a drink. Have you ever tried a hull stripper? I could really use a hull stripper. It totally does what it says. Oh, and some food, a nice meal, not from a bag....” 

Rey forced her brows together and shot his forehead an unconvincingly stern glarette from over her shoulder. She knew that if she looked into his face, she’d laugh. The hiss of an opening door and the click of nearing footfalls around the next corner drained their amusement away. They stopped and pressed their backs to the wall, side by side, behind a tall rack that still held some compressor parts that could be useful on the Falcon, Rey thought, if she could just come back later and get them. She brought her finger to her lips and lifted her staff. Poe raised his blaster to view through the site. As the two of them argued about a course of action through a series of increasingly confusing hand gestures, a quiet voice said, 

“The Baron Administrator welcomes you to Cloud City.”

“Yeah, and who the hell are you? Where’s Lando?” Poe retorted. 

Rey sharply turned to him, peeved. 

“Really?” she mouthed. 

He shrugged and mouthed back, “What?”

She rolled her eyes and turned back to the hallway junction, reaching out with her mind, unsure what she was looking for. Anything that helped, she supposed. The thoughts she found were bland in a way she’d never before encountered. There was no messiness to them, no conflict or peace or happiness or sadness, but, also nothing dangerous, as far as she could tell. She was glad the skill was getting a little easier, but also a little guilty for having gotten to this point by practicing on her friends. There had been limits, though, she never went this deep with any of them. And they knew, she thought. She made a mental note to remind them, just in case.

She held out her hand to Poe, gesturing at him to lower his weapon, and turned the corner of the hallway to face the person who had come for them, surreptitiously keeping one hand on the blaster in its holster. He was mostly human, middle aged, bald and unarmed, his head flanked by two large cybernetic implants. His broad, forgettable face was oddly blank. She took a step back, confused. Why would someone allow that to be done to them? And then she had a worse thought. What if it had been done against his will? She shuddered.

The majordomo’s unblinking eyes sought hers.

“The Administrator asked that I escort you to chambers. He will welcome you shortly. Please retrieve your party.” 

“That’s what the Administrator wants, huh? I’ll be happy to tell him what I want.” 

Poe stepped into the open, looked at Rey and gestured behind him with his head, his blaster lowered, but still held in both hands, ready. “Would you mind? I’ll stay with this...guy. I have a few questions.”

Rey gave him a look which she hoped conveyed her wish for him to back off, at least a little, then jogged back to the closed ship. She keyed in the entry code on the external pad and waited outside until the hatch ramp was completely lowered.

“It’s me!!” she called. When she got the all clear, she entered the ship and found everyone in the lounge, standing at ready.

“It’s all right, Lando is giving us a place to stay. Go to Poe at the end of the hall through the hangar door. I’ll get my things and be right behind you.”

As the others departed with their bags in hand and weapons still drawn (Chewie would never really trust Lando and he had told them to be ready for trickery), Rey ran inside and grabbed her rucksack from where it lay on her bunk. She opened the drawer underneath, grabbed the pieces of the lightsaber and two of the Jedi books from where she had put them after her request for help, and stuffed them in. As she reached for her staff to leave, she felt the room pull away, blurring at the edges, sound muffling. She slumped forward, letting her head and bag drop, suddenly annoyed and tired. The bond was open, but she, again, hadn’t opened it. She turned around, cynically wondering who she’d see this time, Kylo Ren or Ben Solo.

Ben was sitting on his bed, maybe, or somewhere else low to the ground. He was dressed in what looked like night clothes, also black, not surprisingly, but looser. His legs looked impossibly long and his hands, hanging between his knees, impossibly large. He sensed her. She saw him stiffen, but he didn’t look up.

“This is too soon. Why are you here?”

“I don’t know. The Force keeps opening the door,” Rey replied, as calmly as she could through the sudden deafening pounding of her heart. Seeing him nearby always flustered her so much. It made her want to bite. She clutched her staff, using it as a prop to keep her steady. She briefly thought that maybe she could hit him with it. That seemed to always be her first instinct when they met.

“Is that what this is? A door? So, we can shut it.” He paused. “I can’t shut it, but I think you can. You did on Crait.”

Rey started a little, but didn’t reply. If she had severed the connection on Crait, she hadn’t known it. She chewed on his statement for a while, not wanting to commit to it one way or the other. The silence began to stretch uncomfortably. She fidgeted with the wrapping on her staff, waiting in what she hoped was a detached manner. When he finally spoke, it was so soft she could barely hear him.

“Luke came to me.”

“What?” She gasped, suddenly furious, jealous. She cursed herself for being a terrible actor. “Why? Why to you? I need him, he was my master!” 

“He was mine, too, once. Apparently, he thought I needed it. Maybe I did.” 

He looked up. He was incredibly pale, thin, his eyes huge in his tormented face. He looked so lost, like he must have as a child when he was sent away. A vision of him as a boy sprang into Rey’s mind. She was so tired of tears, but there they were, again. She’d always been able to shield the vulnerable part of herself so well, until she got in the middle of the galaxy’s fight, until all of this. Damn him and his infernal conflict. She pulled herself in very tightly, wedging her own feelings into compact little bundles to keep his at a safeish distance. She wrapped herself up in comfortable annoyance. 

“What is happening to you?” she demanded. “You look terrible.” 

He ignored her question and the dig, but his eyes dropped.

“He told me what my mother said to him before he faced me. On Crait. That she had given up hope that I would return to the light. Finally.”

Rey was stunned. “What? That’s not true! Why would he say that?” 

“Which? That she said it, or that it was too late for me to come back?”

“Both.” Rey said this with finality. “Leia never gave up on anyone.”

“You’re wrong. Luke told her not to give up hope, but she let go of me a long time ago. I had suspected it before, when she never came for me, but I know it now.”

His fists clenched and unclenched as he worked his way towards a question. He raised his eyes to her. She could see he was bracing for something and she dreaded whatever it was.

“How did she die?”

If she had had a mirror, she would have seen her face go through a thousand emotions, beginning with her typical security blanket of irritation and ending with unfeigned sadness and resignation. She filled her lungs with stale ship air and exhaled slowly. 

“Her heart, it was damaged.” Tears gathered again and spilled down her cheeks, but she kept her chin up, literally, and didn’t wipe them away. “She never recovered from what happened on the bridge of the Raddus, and she would never rest. She finally did.” 

Rey stared at the floor, seeing Leia’s face as the damage done to her body by exposure to the vacuum and radiation of space took her while they all watched, helpless.

“Are you safe?” He abruptly asked her, surprising her into annoyance again, but this time, genuine.

“Safe? What’s safe? Where is safe in the galaxy from you and the First Order? What about Crait? Was it safe? How many rebels have you found and killed since…”

“Since you left me for dead?”

She looked as though he had slapped her.

“I knew you were alive,” she whispered, accusation in her voice. “I’d have known that if we were across the universe from each other. I wish we were.” 

They locked eyes and his pain assaulted her. He seemed to craft it into a spear and hurl it, but she couldn’t tell if he did so on purpose. She gripped her bunk and her staff for more support. 

“Stop doing that. What is happening to you? Tell me,” she ordered, stepping towards him. She stopped herself, knowing that she couldn’t bully her way through this. “Maybe I can help,” she added, then cringed inwardly at the irony of just having said this to Chewie. The problem was, she meant it when she said it, to both of them.

He shook his head.

“I failed. Everything. Everyone.”

There was yet another long pause. Rey was suddenly, ferociously sick of trying to always say the right thing, the thing that would fix what was broken. She knew, in this moment, that she never could, because it wasn’t, it shouldn’t ever have been, up to her. Now, she could only be honest, and hope he’d listen. No one had really ever been all that truthful with him before, she didn’t think. He’d been too used to being special for too long. The benefit of being nobody, she thought, is that no one ever needs to lie to you. No one cares if a nobody’s feelings are hurt, or if their parents will get angry, especially if they don’t have any.

“Yes, you did.”

He recoiled. He had almost expected, hoped for, an argument, like on the turbolift. But she blamed him. He deserved it. 

“You have done terrible things. I’ve seen some, and I can only imagine others. And they’re yours and you’ll have to live with them.”

He stared at her in shock. He didn’t understand what was happening, and he didn’t like it. She didn’t sound angry, or reproachful, she wasn’t shouting at him or telling him what to do, what she wanted him to do. He stood up and walked around the room, flustered and bruised, unable to process the sudden change in her. But she wasn’t done. She followed him, moving quickly, positioning herself in his path so he couldn’t avoid her. She held up a hand to stop him, and he obeyed, much to his own surprise. She was standing in her stubborn stance, he noticed, leaning forward a little with her torso, fairly burning with her damn light.

“But I’ve failed, too. Your mother failed, your father failed, Luke failed. We all fail, Ben, all the time. But failing isn’t the end.”

He didn’t want to, but he found himself raising his eyes to her face, searching for a clue as to what had just changed between them. 

“The end comes when we give up.” 

She watched as he heard her, the words just sitting there at first, floating like leaves on water, then sinking in, leaving no trace of their existence behind. Until...

Through the ravages of his face, she could see a shift, just a trace. But it was there, she could feel it. He turned and walked away, out of her sight, into the darkness of his quarters. The bond broke, and she was alone on the Falcon. Again.


	10. Chapter 10

Footsteps rang on the ramp. 

“Rey!” It was Finn’s voice. “What are you doing?”

She shook herself, hard, dislodging the vision as she looked around her, remembering where she was, what they were doing. She couldn’t have any more regrets. She had done what she could. Again.

“Just getting my things! I need to shut down the ship! Be right there!”

She grabbed what she had come for, cycled down the lights and power, left the air vents open for the porgs, shut the hatch and joined Finn off the ship. They made their way down the corridor to the open door at the other end.

“They snuck us in to a set of rooms nearby. We don’t think anyone knows we’re here.”

Outside the cluttered hallway was another, this one obviously kept gleamingly clean for guests. Finn led her to a large paneled door left cracked open, leaking light into the empty white hallway. Rey listened hard for voices and then reached out to see who was in the surrounding rooms. She could find nothing closer than at least several floors above her head. Again, great secret entrance or great surprise trap. However, once inside, she found a large, brightly lit, round room filled with partially covered, white-upholstered furniture, draping pulled back to give them places to sit, and small, roundish tables covered in lamps and little pieces of what she supposed was art. Poe walked the perimeter of the apartment, opening doors to adjoining rooms and making sure they were empty.

“All right,” Finn said to the man who had escorted them, nervousness coloring his voice with impatience. “What’s going on? Who are you? Where’s Lando?” 

“Right here,” a laconic voice replied.

They all spun to the open doorway. Poe, whose blaster had never been out of his hand, pointed his weapon at the stealthy visitor. Standing there, just inside the room, was a handsome, gray-haired man, his slender mustache and coiffure perfectly groomed, his gray uniform half-wrapped in an ostentatious, satin-lined cape. He shone upon them a gleaming, too-cocky smile, as if he expected a reward. Once he had given them all a chance to admire him, Lando strode across the room to Chewbacca and clasped his arm. 

“Chewie! My friend! It’s so good to see you!”

Chewie seemed mildly diffident, if such a thing was possible to discern, but replied with a greeting, of sorts.

“Where have you been?” demanded Poe as he stormed to Calrissian, pointing his finger at the older man’s chest. “The General needed you. She sent a message. You had her back when the Senate turned on her, why did you not come when she called?”

Lando stepped back with his hands up, his beaming grin now dimmed. He took a moment to deliberately examine Poe from curly hair to old boots, then turned and scanned the room, finding only equally frustrated and careworn faces.

“It’s not that simple,” he finally said as he attempted to give Poe a try-to-understand pat on the shoulder. But Poe, wanting none of it, pulled away. 

“I’m not a general any more,” Lando continued, not looking even a little abashed. “I have no ships but for cargo. How was I supposed to barge into the middle of a fight with the First Order? I’d be dead, the City would be overrun and you’d have nowhere to go. But I’m here now.” 

He held out his arms, gesturing to himself and the room in a carefully mannered fashion.

Rey saw that Poe was about to interject. He had been devastated by Leia’s death, by their losses, by their abandonment on Crait, and here was someone who had let them down on that day. She knew what Poe was feeling, she felt the same way, that everyone who failed them and Leia had to be held to account, but not right now. She walked to him, touched his arm, then turned to Lando. 

“We need help. We have nothing left. This is all who is left of the Resistance. Leia sent her officers to find help, but we’ve heard nothing. We can’t reach our pilots, if they’re still alive. Our allies are scattered and lost, either hiding in the Outer Rim or too afraid to leave their homes. Help us find them. Help us find a ship. Help us do anything,” she pleaded, sounding more desperate and angry than she had intended. 

Lando eyed her. Who was this girl, practically blinding him with the Force? He’d heard a little, but she was something else entirely.

“Lando Calrissian,” he said, holding out his hand. 

She took it, shook it, and replied, her face serious. “Rey.” 

“I’ll do what I can, Rey.”

She nodded in acceptance. It had to be enough, for now. 

***

Growing up on Jakku, Rey had seen showers in ship schematics, understood their function and mechanisms, but didn’t know if she actually believed that they existed, that anyone could be so foolish as to waste so much water on washing. Now she believed. Letting the water drum out some of the worst knots in her back and shoulders, she stood in the hot spray until she turned bright red and her fingertips pruned. She didn’t know they could do that, and she kept pressing her fingers together to see if she could get them to re-shape. She dressed in clean clothes and exited the refresher into the bedroom. It had a real bed, a little table with a mirror and a hairbrush. A hairbrush! Lando had provided them with everything they could need, but made them promise to not leave the apartments. It was quite a luxurious cage, and they all hated it. 

“I can’t just sit here until we get your permission to do what we came here to do,” Poe snapped at Lando later that day when the Administrator brought some staff to take away the drop cloths, make the beds and serve dinner. “I can’t do any more waiting. At least on Endor we could come and go as we pleased”

Rose mediated this time.

“Do you think you can you get us a ship?” she asked, holding out her palm to Poe before anyone could interject. “We know what it is we’re asking, how difficult, but we have nowhere else to go for help. We also need rations and fuel stores.” 

Rey, listening from a few feet away, had a sudden thought. 

“And I need to repair this.” 

She went to her rucksack, never far away, and pulled out the pieces of Skywalker’s lightsaber, holding them out so Lando could see. His eyes grew wide.

“Where did you get this?” he demanded, taking the pieces from her hands.

Rey bristled slightly and fought the urge to snatch them back. 

“I didn’t steal it. It was given to me.”

“By Maz? Yeah, I heard she had it.”

Rey’s eyebrows shot up. “Yes, how did you know that? Why does everyone know things I don’t??” 

She cast her eyes around the room and, when she met Finn’s, he shrugged. He didn’t know much, either. It made her feel better.

“This is where it was lost. Where Luke and Vader...where Luke lost his hand.”

Rey was taken aback. His metal hand. Understanding dawned as she made the connection between Vader, Luke and the tangled Force around the city. And a bit of her vision when she first touched the saber became clear. She looked around the room with new eyes.

Lando missed all this as he turned the pieces over. 

“What the hell did you do to it? I’ve never seen anything like this.”

He handed her back the halves. 

“Whatever you did, it’s yours now, huh? How’re you planning on fixing it?”

Rey shrugged, not wanting to give too much away. “I can fix anything.”

Lando smiled, too broadly. “I’ll bet you can.”

Rey flushed, flustered. Rose stood up.

“I’m going to help her. We think we’ve figured it out.”

Rose and Rey had taken the lightsaber and analyzed it as best as they could on their last night on Endor, making notes, which Rose now produced from her jumpsuit pocket. Rey saw that the technician had made further marks on the page. 

“The casing is damaged beyond repair and we need a new power cell and, well, everything, but the crystal is intact. We should be able to make a new saber if you have the tools.”

Lando smiled archly at Rose, which annoyed her. She was too used to being condescended to by men.

“So, can we use your resources? We’ll be careful, no one will see us.” Rey asked, again. “No one knows who Rose and I are, in any case.”

“I can have a shop set up for you, but you can’t go out into the city until I’m sure you weren’t tracked here and that you won’t be recognized. Chewie, you and 3PO and R2 will be remembered. Not many Wookies have been here.”

Poe made a sound of deep exasperation, leaned his head and upper body back and glared at Lando. 

“What about our allies in planetary governments still loyal to the Resistance? There were too many places for us to hit. Will you try contacting any of them? While we just sit here, you could be doing anything, or nothing. The core planets had already fallen. You’re going to be next, and then what?? I can’t stand this.”

He said the last to no one in particular.

“Look, pal, I know you’re used to being in the pilot’s seat, but you need to cool off. Everyone is looking for you. This is a tourist city, we see millions of visitors a year. I have no idea if there are First Order spies, I can’t read minds.” He said this while stealing a glance at Rey. 

Her brows knit. Why did he look at her like that? She shifted uncomfortably, busying herself with the lightsaber. She reached out, just a little, but there was no obvious Force sensitivity there. Just a very complicated man.

Lando continued, looking pointedly at Poe. 

“Poe Dameron. I’ve heard about you. You’re a hell of a pilot, aren’t you. Leia relied on you, thought you were smart. Said you didn’t listen worth a damn, but smart.” 

Poe made a move to object, but Calrissian had already moved on. 

“And the defector,” he said, looking at Finn. “Word gets around. When you crossed the First Order, whew. You pissed a lot of people off and made Hux look like an idiot with his stolen army in the process. Good job!” Finn rolled his eyes, but seemed a little pleased.

Lando walked around the room slowly, looking at each of them.

“And you,” he said to Rose “stole onto Snoke’s ship with this one.” 

He pointed at Finn with his thumb. 

“That’s pretty brave. The young have taken over. It’s time for us old folks to retire.” 

He hadn’t said anything to Rey.

“What does that mean?” demanded Finn. “Are you not going to help us? Why did we come here, then?”

“It means,” continued Lando, “that I want you off this planet as much as you do. I’ll have a ship for you in a few days. I called in some favors and got you a freighter. It’ll need some work, but I owe it to Leia. And Han. It’ll get you where you’re going and be totally unrecognizable.”

“All right,” said Poe, “All right! Let’s get moving on this thing!”

Rey watched as Lando slapped a much happier Poe on the back. She remembered that Lando had known Leia and Han most of his life. He might have even loved them, too. Everyone had lost so much, and they were all clinging to what they had left. She still didn’t trust Lando completely, but she was willing to wait and try, for a while.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely, walking to him and taking his hand. There was no smirk in his answering smile.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, holy crap, you guys. I cannot believe that this story has had 1,200 hits. I'm so stunned I don't know what to do with myself. I have honestly never felt so grateful in my life. It was a constant war with myself to even think about posting, but I'm so glad I did. Thank you all so, so much.

Rey slammed a piece of lightsaber housing down on the long workbench in front of her. The metal on metal rang a deep carillon through the otherwise silent room.

By the end of the third day after the Resistance’s arrival, Lando’s staff had opened a smaller nearby apartment and transformed it into quite a suitable, remarkably well-supplied workroom. Rey and Rose had recruited R2 and BB-8 to help them with tricky cuts and welds and to offer advice and all four spent a full day meticulously dissecting the two saber halves and drafting a schematic. The next day, they reassembled the crystals and replacement parts into a new, simple housing of ridged and etched steel, Luke’s harness ring still hanging from the end. Each conductor, shield, mount and circuit had been mapped and exactingly duplicated, but, no matter what they did, the damn thing wouldn’t turn on. For the first time in their lives, neither Rey nor Rose knew what to do to fix it and neither R2’s nor BB-8’s banks had anything further of help. Now Rey stood alone, hungry and cranky, staring at the broken last connection between her, Luke, and the Jedi of old. She knew that the two halves of the saber were an inescapable warning about the warring halves of the Force, and that maybe, despite her ability to stand astride it somehow, the rift was too great.

She should have gone when Rose asked her to come back to the apartment and join the others for dinner, but she didn’t want to give up. So used to working hungry, she easily forgot how much better it was to work on a full stomach. And, as with the books, she had the nagging feeling that, if she just turned the crystal a fraction to the right, or raised the mount just a hair, it would work. Her gut had always been right before about these things, at least until she got involved with annoyingly ungovernable forces that made normal tasks get inextricably intertwined with the larger workings of the universe.

She snorted in laughter, rolled her eyes and imagined herself saying anything about “ungovernable forces” aloud. It would just be so, so Jedi-ish of her. Then she’d say something about the oneness of all manifestations of being and no one would want to speak with her ever again. She let out a little amused noise and stepped away from the table to look out the window, running her fingers through her hair and pulling out the tie. She started pacing while also scratching her head, hoping the action would stimulate her sluggish brain. 

“What are you doing?”

Rey spun, thinking for a split second that it was Ben. She pushed her wild hair out of her face and saw that it was Poe, holding a plate of dinner, looking amused at her expression. His jacket was off and he was dressed more like a civilian than she had ever seen him. Lando’s people had good taste, and he looked, well, very nice. She realized she was staring, so she cleared her throat and turned back her worktable.

“I cannot get this blasted thing to work,” Rey said, pointing at the scattered pieces. “If I could only read the books, maybe I could figure out what I’m missing, but I don’t think anyone knows that language any more. I’m not sure even Luke had read them. He had Obi-Wan Kenobi to help him, I think.”

She remembered the gentle, bearded face from her vision. Her eyes burned with fatigue and the shadow of memory, so she rubbed them hard, wishing that it would help her see better.

“Did you try rewiring the activator?” he asked, setting the plate of food down safely away from the work area, tearing off a piece of her bread and taking a bite.

“Of course I tried rewiring the activator. I would never forget to rewire the activator. That was the very last thing I did before welding it shut. I’m actually quite good at this. There’s never been anything I can’t fix. Until now.” 

She waved the saber at him.

“That’s all I got, then.”

Her face flashed with annoyance before she realized he was joking. They both laughed.

“I brought you some dinner,” he said, gesturing to the stool at the end of the bench next to the one he pulled out for himself. “Rose thinks you’re not eating enough. She made a comment about you wasting away in here.”

“Thank you,” she said, putting a few bits of her work away before eating. “Rose is like the mother I never had, except she’s my age, I think.”

She looked at the steaming plate of food she couldn’t identify but could see actual whole pieces of, whole pieces that looked like they were supposed to be in the meal instead of salvaged from someone else’s leftovers. 

“I will never, ever get used to having food just show up whenever I’m hungry.” 

Not for the first time, Poe was struck by Rey’s matter-of-fact acceptance of the deprivation she had suffered. He greatly admired her resilience and kindness in the face of it. She sat down on the stool next to him and started scooping up the stew with a chunk of bread. She was not a tidy eater. It had never mattered before. She still didn’t think it did, especially if all the food made it in.

Poe watched her eat, half amused, half horrified. 

“Do you have something against a fork? It’s right there, I did bring you one.”

Rey looked up at Poe, then stared at the fork, surprised to see it there. She genuinely seemed to think about it for a minute. She’d never given much thought to forks, there really weren’t any to speak of on Jakku and certainly not on the Falcon, so her experience with them was limited. 

“It just seems like such a waste, someone has to wash it when I’m done, and it’s so little,” she said, through a mouthful of food, “and this works just as well.” 

She held up the bread. He laughed and shook his head.

“You’re probably right,” he agreed.

Rey had a question she’d always wanted to ask Poe, but she knew how hard it was to talk about parents who weren’t there anymore, so she’d never asked it, not wanting him to suffer from her poking at his memories. She knew, though, from her own that they were always right there and that there was nothing to be done about it, and that talking seemed to make them more manageable. She also really liked learning about her friends’ families. It somehow made her feel like she had one, too.

“Poe, your mother was a pilot, too, in the Rebellion, wasn’t she? And she knew Luke?”

Poe leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table with his folded hands covering his mouth. He thought for a long moment and Rey started to feel guilty for prying. But then he lowered his hands and grinned.

“Yeah, she was, and she did. She was the best, a helluva pilot. She’d never talk about the war, though. Dad didn’t have the same problem, he’d tell me anything, but she kind of kept it at a distance, like it happened to somebody else. I had to go looking for records about her service and ask Leia. She met Luke on a mission, but before that, she almost shot him down when he stole Vader’s ship to escape the Death Star.”

“What?? She must have felt awful. I understand why we don’t hear that part told around the fire at night!”

“I know! I don’t think she wanted anyone to know, and I can’t blame her. But they actually met when he asked her to come with him on a mission. Do you know about the tree?”

Rey’s stomach did a weird little flip.

“No, what tree?”

“My mom and Luke went to save an ancient Force tree from the Empire. It had been in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, but Palpatine had it dug it up and sent to an base on Vetine when he took over the Temple. He was wiping out the Jedi, so he probably wanted to keep any new ones from ever finding it again.”

Rey’s eyes were huge, and she knew with utter certainty that this was information of the kind that was inextricably intertwined with the universe. And now she knew why the Jedi spoke that way. The Force was really pushing things into her path now.

“Did they find it? Did they save the tree?”

“They did, but there wasn’t much left, just two branches. Luke kept one gave the other to my mom. I used to play in the tree that grew from it. I even accidentally beat it up pretty badly once.”

Rey blanched, and, seeing her face, Poe rushed to reassure her. 

“The tree is fine! It’s totally fine, my dad made sure of it. He told me it was called a Uneti tree. Apparently, they’re super important to the Jedi, and there aren’t very many of them.”

“There was one on Ahch-to!”

Rey was very excited now as things were snapping together. She was almost jumping out of her seat.

“It was where all the remaining Jedi books were kept. It was so old there wasn’t anything except a trunk left. It called to me, I heard it. It channels the Force somehow. The Jedi must have built their temples around those trees. I wonder where the one Luke took was planted. Maybe at his Temple before…”

“Yep, before Kylo Ren killed everybody and allowed the dark side to take over the galaxy again.”

Rey almost rushed to Ben’s defense without even thinking about how or why, but stopped herself at the last second, feeling like a traitor to everyone. Poe misinterpreted the flush on her face and her averted eyes and patted her on the hand in an awkward attempt at comfort.

“When this is all over, I’ll take you home and you can see it. The tree, I mean,” he said, suddenly flustered halfway through the sentence for no reason that Rey could discern.

Poe told Rey a few more stories about his mother and father while she finished eating, her favorite being the one where his mom first took him up in her A-wing. His family’s legacy was so deeply entwined with that of the Jedi and the fight against the dark. She wished that she could talk with him of her own conflict, of the struggle in her that was the distillation of every war between the light and dark. But his loyalties were so clear, and she somehow didn’t want to sully them. 

Once the last piece of bread was gone, she wiped up all the stew with her fingers and licked the plate. She started to use the back of her hand to make sure her face was clean, then saw the napkin on the table. She looked right at Poe as she picked it up and wiped her mouth in an exaggeratedly dainty fashion. He chuckled. She tossed the fabric onto the plate, pushed back her stool, then stood up to stretch. She expected Poe to leave, but he lingered.

“Hey, uh, do you mind if I stay and lend a hand?”

She missed the little change in his voice.

“No, please do! I’m always glad for help, although I don’t know how much help you’ll actually be if you only know about activa…”

As she got up to walk back around to the other side of the table and passed him, she felt his hand on her arm. As she turned to face him, there was a look in his eyes she’d never seen before. He stepped into the space between them, pulled her to him, slid his other hand around her waist, and kissed her. She kissed him back, at first, and then broke away, the hated tears filling her eyes yet again.

“Okay, that’s not the effect I usually have.” Poe leaned away and looked her face over, his own not showing any sign of injury, just curiosity and concern.

She laughed a not-quite laugh and wiped her tears away. 

“I’ve never cried as much in my life as in the last three weeks. So much has happened, I haven’t had time to make sense of it. I’m sorry…”

He held up his hands to stop her, but kindly. 

“I understand, and I never go where I’m not wanted. It’s good. We’re good.” He turned to go, then turned back, reached out his hand to her face and wiped away a tear with his thumb. “But, just so you know, I won’t ever say no if you change your mind.” 

He backed towards the exit.

“I’m always right next door!” 

She managed a smile and dabbed her eyes on her sleeve. He left her there, sniffling, as she turned back to her work. 

Finn was sitting on the sofa in the apartment when Poe got back. It was a short walk from the workshop. 

“She shot you down, huh?” Finn said, noting the bemused look on his face. “Don’t worry, man, it’s not your fault. You have some intense competition.” 

He said the last without really thinking, and then pursed his lips and looked away, reproaching himself when he realized what he had said. Rose would have punched him had she been in the room.

Poe looked at Finn, cocked his head and exaggeratedly turned his body to scan the otherwise empty room. 

Finn laughed grimly and shook his head. It wasn’t his secret to tell. But he felt pretty terrible keeping it. 

***

Rey lay awake in bed in the room she shared with Rose, looking at the kyber crystal in the faint light of the window. She brought it back with her when she gave up for the night, digging in to the new housing to pry it out. She hated leaving it in the shop, but she couldn’t have said why. She brought it to her lips, touching where Poe had kissed her. She hadn’t minded, at first. She really liked Poe. He was brilliant, funny and very, very handsome. And, he was incredibly self-assured, so she knew he would be fine. She wasn’t, though. She never was. She restlessly kicked off her covers, grunted into the pillow she’d pulled over her face to muffle the noises of frustration she couldn’t help making and did a little aggravated, horizontal dance. Sleep wasn’t coming tonight.

She tossed the pillow, got up and crossed the room to the pitcher of water on the table by the door. Empty. Both she and Rose had forgotten to fill it before they came to bed. She picked it up and quietly opened the door to the center apartment. It was empty, too. She could hear faint sleep noises from the other rooms. Chewie snored. She smiled into the dimness.

She filled the pitcher from the water dispenser set into a large basin affixed to the wall near the windows. She poured a glass and took it with her to one of the couches that ringed the middle of the room. Sitting down, she pulled her knees up and tucked her nightgown under her feet. That was something else she had never had before, clothes just for sleeping. Wearing them seemed about as silly as using a fork, but Lando’s people had kindly provided them, and she didn’t have many other clothes. Anyway, the gown was soft and thick and had long sleeves that kept her arms warm. It was always a little too cool in the city. And it had useful pockets.

She sipped her water, pulled the crystal from that useful pocket and worried at it, ruminating. Was she supposed to do something to it? She saw Anakin cradling it in his hands in her vision, but she had no idea why. She had tried to read the books again, hoping against hope that something would spring out at her, a step-by-step guide, maybe, but no dice. Or lightsaber.

In the other capacious pocket of her nightgown was the smallest, thinnest book from Ahch-to. It was written mostly in galactic basic, but it seemed to just be stories of some kind, myths maybe, and some poems. She had only had a few moments to look at it before, and, not seeing anything immediately useful, had put it away. Now she had the leisure to turn her attention to it. She switched on a small light to her right and ran her fingers over the lettering and embossing on the book’s spine and cover. It was incredibly old, and obviously had been written in by a great many people. The handwriting varied widely and the writing styles ranged from utterly terrible to quite lovely. And then she noticed something. In the last quarter of the book, she recognized a name. This was a history of the Jedi, and Anakin Skywalker’s name was written there. She read a little further, finding snippets of the stories she knew and many that she didn’t. How could the authors have known them? What C-3PO said on the ship suddenly rang in her ears. R2-D2 had been there, for all of it.

She stood up and crossed the room to the dark corner where R2-D2 sat in nighttime stillness. She kneeled on the floor in front of him and reached out her hand to his photoreceptor. She felt guilty waking him up.

“R2? R2, are you awake?”

Slowly, his processor state indicator lit up in its customary red glow. He beeped a gentle welcome and asked her a question. She was perpetually glad that she had taken the time to learn droidspeak. She held up the book so he could see it.

“I know, you were right, I should have come to you sooner. You were there, weren’t you? From the very beginning with...Anakin?”

R2 replied in a long series of meaningful beeps and low whistles. Rey nodded her head and pressed on.

“Will you tell me about them? About Anakin and his wife, about Luke. Will you do that?”

R2 made an interrogatory string of noises.

“It’s just that...I feel so lost, I don’t understand what I’m facing. They’re all gone now, I have no one left to ask or to help me. What happened, with the Force? Why are so few of us left?”

R2 liked Rey. She was kind and cared about droids. BB-8 said that she had saved him. He also had knowledge that none of the others could ever imagine, and he knew she should have it. So, he told her. To tell her everything would have taken weeks, so he told her the most important parts, about Anakin as a brave little boy, about feisty, scrappy Padme, about Palpatine and his true identity, about the Death Star, and of the extermination of the Jedi, and the last, desperate few of that order who lived to see the Empire rise. She sat cross-legged on the floor in front of him for hours, only occasionally gasping in shock or covering her mouth at the more difficult parts of the vids he showed her. He was a wonderful storyteller, and she was an excellent listener. They were both so glad to have someone to share with.

What no one knew, not even 3-PO, was that R2 also knew the Force. Not what it felt like or how to use it, of course, but he understood, and he told her things she had never heard before, most importantly, about something called the cosmic Force. A deep string in Rey’s soul was plucked. 

It was very late at this point, and she had so much to think on. There was one more thing she wanted to know tonight.

“R2, how do I make a lightsaber?”

It was the one question he couldn’t answer. Only another Jedi could tell her what to do, but there were no Jedi left. She only knew two people who had ever made a lightsaber, only one person who was still living. She reached up and patted R2 on the dome.

“Thank you, my friend.”

He whistled to her and powered down. She got up, walked back to the couch, switched off the light and sat down, closing her eyes. The dark felt a little safer. She sat as she had that day on the ledge, when she felt everything and it didn’t occur to her to keep anything out. She pushed out with her mind, as jumbled in her feelings as always in these strange circumstances, wanting to bolt, wanting to stay, wanting to be free from the confounding lack of clarity that confused her motives. 

She hadn’t opened the bond intentionally except for that one brief moment when she told him that his mother loved him, but it was easy, there it was, one line in the net that cradled the galaxy. There he was, so present. Always present. The couch and the room were suddenly remote. She had a fleeting thought that she always assumed he’d be alone.

“Ben?”

“Rey.”


	12. Chapter 12

Hearing him say her name sent a current through her. She rubbed her arms with opposite hands to try and brush it off. He’d only said it twice before, once on the elevator and once when he’d begged her to stay. The memories would burn in her mind until she was extinguished, she knew, and then they’d fill the galaxy, part of the Force, forever. She couldn’t save him, she knew that, but she could use that memory to remind him, and herself, of what was there. He might not drink the water, but she’d be damned if she didn’t try and lead him to it, not when she knew that he needed it to live. She understood what it was like to almost die of thirst.

Dim, ambient lights filtered in through the thin window drapery, and she could only discern Ben’s outline in the deeper shadows in the center of the room. He was very still. She abruptly stood up, smoothed out her nightgown and tucked her hair behind her ears. Sitting made her feel oddly vulnerable, too small.

“Where are you?” she asked. “I’m sorry, I can’t see you very well. It’s the middle of the night here.”

“Where I always am. Where are you?”

She didn’t answer that. 

“I have a question for you. You made your lightsaber, both your lightsabers.”

“That’s not a question.”

His voice was quiet and conversational, but she knew it meant that he was trying too hard to be in control, and it made him sound petulant. It was fine, she’d expected it. It was fine. 

“I need help,” she said in a hopefully level voice. He was silent, but silence was better than sarcasm, she thought. She pressed on.

“What do I do? With this? I know what it does, that much is obvious...”

He snorted softly, but she let that go, wanting to rise above it. It was hard. She exhaled through her nose more sharply than she meant to.

“…but I think I need to somehow fix it. I had it in the new lightsaber I made, but it didn’t work. Nothing we did could get it to work.” 

She held out her hand, the crystal sitting on her palm, and he reached out and took it, his own hand bare. He was closer than she realized, there but not there. She stayed still, trying not to scrutinize his face, to see if his mother’s death and their last conversation had continued to alter him in any discernible way. She wondered if he’d be here if they hadn’t.

“My grandfather’s kyber crystal.”

“Yes, it’s from Anakin’s lightsaber. And Luke’s.”

He didn’t seem to react to his uncle’s name. Good. She wasn’t going to manage him like everyone else in his life had. 

“It’s cracked, we cracked it, and it doesn’t belong to you yet. You can’t fix it.” 

He handed it back. She was slightly surprised, she’d almost expected him keep it. He had wanted it so badly on Starkiller. His fingers brushed hers as he pulled away. She shivered and frowned. 

“But it came to me in the forest. It called to me.”

“I remember. But it’s still not yours.”

“How do I make it mine? What do I do? Why can’t I fix it? What did you do when you made yours? You must have had instruction at the Temple, from Luke.” 

She didn’t mention Snoke, but she knew bringing up Luke again would needle him a little more. She knew it was silly, but she wanted to push him, wake him up. Rage and despair couldn’t be the only two emotions he felt, but even they would be better than this.

“I’m not your master. I can’t help you.”

“You’re the only person who knows what to do. So, what do I do?” she repeated, doggedly, unwilling to let him brush her off. “Tell me.”

They both waited, unwilling to concede. But, he was impatient and Rey was the stream to his boulder. She would always wear him down, this she knew for certain. An eternity passed.

“You have to ask it,” he said, giving in with a loud sigh.

Rey sighed back. She’d expected this whole conversation, but she still wanted to smack him. He was so good at aggravating her. She turned the crystal in her hand, over and over, frustration crinkling her face as she rethought her tactics. 

“Rey.”

She didn’t respond. Let him see how it feels, she thought.

“Rey.”

His voice was urgent. She looked up.

“Is that why you called me? To ask how to make a lightsaber? That’s the only reason I’m here?” 

Of course that wasn’t the only reason she wanted him there, but she wasn’t sure what to say. She skirted the question.

“You were the one who said I needed a teacher, so I’m asking for your help. It’s not easy for me, any more than it is for you, but you know I have to do this. I can feel it, so I know you can, too. I’m not going to use it on you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she replied, a little of her own petulance bullying its way to the front. She wanted to slap her hand to the forehead. Oh, well. Here they were, again. Again. Again.

“That’s a lie,” he said, but not angrily.

“It would be no more than you did to me.”

“I never tried to kill you. Can you say the same?”

This utterly threw her. Her motives for calling him here and her attempts to be level-headed burned up in the blaze of her ill-concealed temper. She laughed, a disbelieving little blurt that fell to the floor.

“You never tried to kill me?? You flung me against a tree, you attacked me and Finn, you nearly killed him.”

“But you won.”

“And what, now you’re saying you didn’t really try to beat me, to hurt me? That you let me win? You and I both know that’s not true.”

“No, but I didn’t want you dead.”

“Well, what did you want, then??” 

She was trying so hard to not raise her voice. She really didn’t want to wake everyone up.

“I wanted to…”

“Teach me, yes I know. So do it! Teach me, about this,” she lifted the crystal on her palm, waving it at him. “About any of it. I can’t read the books, Luke is gone. There’s no one to guide me. My friends want to help, but they can’t understand…”

He interrupted her. “Your friends? The traitor? The pilot? What help they must be.” 

Her fists were clenched so tightly, she heard her knuckles pop. 

“No, not from Finn and Poe.” She snapped, giving a lot of weight to their names. “From...someone else. A new friend. She’s good at this sort of thing, too, and I thought that, together, we could figure it out.” 

He didn’t need Rose’s name. He had enough already.

“You can’t have help. You have to do this on your own.”

“Why? I’ve done everything on my own. I’m sick of it. Now I have people who want to help me, who love me, and I’m going to let them.” 

He stiffened, she could tell, even through the dark.

“How fortunate for you.” He turned away. 

“Ben, stop.” 

She took a few steps toward him, reaching out her hand, almost touching him. She pulled it quickly back to her side. She couldn’t figure out how to bridge the divide, to stop these infuriating, demeaning fights. All of her attempts turned to frustration and more isolation. He had to try, but all he was trying to do was be the biggest ass possible. 

He stopped, which surprised her. Then he turned and she saw his face, so close to hers. There was nothing left, he was stripped to the bone. Her hand covered her mouth, her shock at the depths of his utter anguish reflecting his pain back to him. It brought tears to her eyes, yet again. She couldn’t bear his suffering, she wanted to take it from him. Forever. She’d never stop wanting, no matter what had passed between them.

He drew back slightly, shaken by the intensity of her reaction. She didn’t care. There could be no more pretence of diffidence tonight. She trapped his gaze, refusing to look away, demanding an explanation. For a long moment he fought her, a silent battle she thought she won until he took a tentative step towards her. She stood utterly still, uncertain, while he studied her, slowly, from her bare feet to her sleep-tousled hair, as though he had never truly seen her before. His lips parted and he took a shaking breath. Nothing remained of the fury he left behind on Crait. In its place, a hopeless, desperate intensity, and she wasn’t sure she understood it. 

“What do you want of me? I cannot bear this.” His voice was cracked and uncertain. 

They were inches apart, her eyes unrelentingly searching his face. It was always her, reaching out, giving of her own hope when his was gone, her hands full, if he’d only take them. 

“You don’t have to bear it alone,” she said, “remember?”

She lifted her hand to his cheek, fingertips gently tracing the scar from their brutal fight in the forest. She didn’t regret giving it to him, but she did regret the necessity of it, of all of it.

“Please,” she whispered, “I’m here. Let me in.”

“I can’t. I’m afraid of what you’ll find.”

“I’m not.”

Neither of them could look away. It was just them, it had always been them. When Rey thought she could bear it no longer, Ben closed his eyes, gently pressed his cheek into her palm, touched his forehead to hers, and let her in. 

They didn’t hear the door open.

“No!”

They gasped as they broke apart, the violent severing of the bond a fiery bolt across their minds. 

There, in the light of the morning, stood Poe and Finn, fear, outrage and betrayal plain on their faces. But this time, unlike with Luke, the bond wasn’t broken. Ben was still there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been the best antidote to grad school burnout. After six hours of database normalization, there's nothing better than writing something fun. 
> 
> Thank you, everyone who has read this! I'm so incredibly grateful!!!


	13. Chapter 13

“Get away from her!” shouted Poe, pointing at Ben with one hand as the other groped for a blaster that wasn’t there.

“No! Poe, stop!” Rey cried, stepping between Ben and the outraged pilot, feeling horribly disoriented and unmoored. When Ben had let her in, she’d let him in, too. Their connection had been utterly complete, and now that it was broken, she felt as though she’d been ripped in two. She instinctively reached back, not wanting to let the bond go if there was any way to salvage it. She found Ben’s hand and gripped it, hard. She’d have worried she was crushing his fingers, but he was doing the same to her, desperate to hold on.

“Rey, what’s happening? Is this the Force??” Finn pleaded. Growing horror quickly displaced concern. “Did he find us?? Is he actually here?”

She looked at Finn, frantic for him to understand and be reassured.

“It’s the Force. I needed his help. I had to ask him...”

Poe interrupted, horrified. “I don’t understand. What the hell are you talking about? How…you...you brought him here? You led the First Order to us? Why??” 

“Poe, he’s not really here. The Force...”

“He’s here! He’s standing right there, with you, touching you! Why???” Poe screamed, repeating his question. “Why are you protecting him?? He tortured me! Killed thousands! I watched him kill innocent people! Tell me why I shouldn’t kill him right now!”

“He can’t hurt you, he can’t hurt any of us! You need to listen to me. You don’t know what’s happened.” 

She was raising her voice now, too. There was simply no way any of this could make sense to him, she knew, and she was conflicted about his part in it. Should she have told him? It had been between her and Leia, then her and Luke, and then her and Ben. Now, the circle was widening, and she didn’t know how to make room for everyone’s needs. If she was honest with herself, what had passed between her and Ben was too intimate and too important to share any more. Every retelling diluted it, made it part of too many other people’s stories. It was hers and his. And, until tonight, she believed it was forever confined to brief conversations, glimpses. She never thought it would lead them here, where everything had changed, for all of them. Finn echoed her thoughts.

“Wait, I thought it was over! How long has this been going on?” he demanded. “You’ve been talking to him this whole time? Every night after we go to bed, do you bring him here?? Does he know where we are??”

Rey didn’t have a chance to answer. All their heads turned as the door to her and Rose’s shared bedroom flew open and Rose ran out. She skidded to a halt in the middle of the room, her eyes wide in the morning light. 

“Rey...Ben…” she gasped. 

Ben stared at this strange woman, shocked she would call him by that name. 

“Ben??” Poe shouted at Rose. “What the pfassk is going on here? Who’s Ben??”

At any other time, Rey would have caught Poe’s confusion at the use of his enemy’s real name, but she missed it as she turned to Ben, her mind still partly tangled in his. She had to stop this. 

“Go,” she half ordered, half pleaded.

He didn’t acknowledge her. He just stood very still, staring at Poe, who took a step forwards. Ben tried to push Rey gently aside, but, at this point, Rose intervened, sprinting to Poe and pushing him back. She then placed herself between him and Ben, one hand out to each, keeping them separate as though they were brawlers in a cantina fight.

“Dammit, stop this,” she ordered the two men, turning her words to both of them. “You can’t hurt each other here. You’re only hurting Rey.”

When Ben didn’t retreat, Rose turned to him fully and pushed her palms hard against his surprisingly solid chest. Her eyes widened in shock as she looked from her hands to his face. She hadn’t believed this was really possible, until now. 

“Go,” she ordered, recovering quickly. “You must go.” 

Ben paused, first flashing in anger at Rose that she had touched him, then looking at Rey as though searching for something. It was impossible to tell if he found it. His eyes closed and he was gone. Rey whirled on Poe. 

“He’s not what you think he is. Not anymore. He’s…” What? Changed? Different? The last time they all had seen him was on Crait, when he commanded his forces to annihilate them. When he’d tried to destroy Luke. 

But Poe was too frightened to hear what she was saying. Ren had disappeared like a holo being switched off. This was way out of his range of understanding. What he thought he knew of the Force had been upended by Leia’s actions in saving herself, and now this? Rey was so powerful, Poe could feel the Force surrounding her in a way he’d never felt in any other, not Leia, not even Kylo Ren. Whether he knew it or not, growing up around the Uneti tree had made him more sensitive than he could ever have imagined, and he could see she was something other than what had come before. His mind fled the implications of this awareness. The look, though, the one Rey and Ren had shared when she bade him leave, that he understood. It was love, and it was wrong. 

Rey watched him read the situation and she hardened, bracing to fight. She knew what he saw, what they all saw. She hadn’t tried to conceal her feelings at the end, and she wouldn’t let Poe or anyone assign value to them. That was for her and Ben to do. Rose, looking on her friend’s face, knew what every day on Jakku must been like, if this woman standing before her was the product of it. Lesser men would have quailed, but Poe, predictably, opened his mouth to speak. Rey shut him down.

“You have no say in this, Poe. The Force has joined me and Ben. He’s Leia’s son, he is the dark and I am the light, and I need to bring him back. I tried and failed once before, but I will not give up, not after what I saw tonight.”

Poe blanched. He stepped back, reaching out behind him for something to grasp, almost as though he couldn’t stand on his own anymore. 

“Leia...No. No. That can’t be.”

He shook his head, again and again, tears springing to his eyes. Everyone stared at him, not understanding for a moment what was happening. They’d never seen him like this before. But then the light dawned. Leia hadn’t told him. He didn’t know. They all thought he knew. Oh, gods. 

The familiar anger at the all the lies and fear and damage they had done surged in Rey, especially as she now felt a part of them. Poe needed to know, and it was up to her to tell him, even though it wasn’t her story to tell. He could never understand otherwise. 

“Ben is Han and Leia’s son,” she said, bluntly. There was no use trying to cushion it now. “He was always strong with the dark side of the Force. Snoke sensed it and somehow got into his mind, but no one knew, not even Ben. His parents were terrified of what he was becoming, they said it was because he was Vader’s grandson, so they sent him to Luke. But Luke was scared of him, too, and didn’t see that Snoke had corrupted him. Luke betrayed him, so Ben destroyed everything and became Kylo Ren.” 

She waited a moment. 

“I thought you knew.”

Poe’s expression changed from shock to denial.

“I don’t believe you. Why would Leia have not told me that?” he whispered, turning to Finn. There was no surprise in his friend’s face.

“You knew. You knew about them, about him? It’s true, and you didn’t tell me?” 

Finn didn’t respond. Understanding and betrayal colored Poe’s face. 

“Is that what you meant by ‘competition?’ Was that a joke?? How could you not tell me? How could Leia not tell me?? And you?”

He looked at Rose. 

“Did you know??” 

He turned to Chewbacca, who had joined them moments earlier, and now stood between the two men in silence. 

“What about you? Am I the only one who didn’t know?? He killed Han, his father, and you’re all just standing around like you’re okay with it? What is wrong with you??”

Chewie roared at Poe, but Poe stood, fury giving him strength. He shoved the Wookie and strode to Rey, pointing his finger in her face. 

“This whole time, this whole time we’ve been running from the First Order, and you’ve been bringing them here. We have no one left. NO ONE! Leia is dead, our people are dead, and you brought their murderer here? Whoever he was, he’s Kylo Ren now, and you brought him right to us. How could you?? How could all of you??”

He looked around the room in bleak desperation. Rey tried to stifle her reactions, tried to understand his feelings. Maker, that’s all she ever did. She was shaking with exhaustion and adrenaline and loneliness. 

“No one is here. We can only see each other, touch each other, somehow, through the Force. It brought us together. He doesn’t know where we are. I don’t know where he is. Until now I haven’t even been able to control it.”

“How do you know??” Poe screamed. “He’s lying to you! Trying to get to us through you, to wipe out the rest of the Resistance! And you brought him here this time? On purpose??”

Rey snapped. She knew no one would win this. They were fighting each other because they were all hurt and confused and had nowhere to put their anger. There’s little that’s worse than finding out your heroes are human, with human failings, especially when none of those heroes were left to answer for those failings.

“No, he’s not lying to me,” Rey shouted, “and yes, I did open the bond this time! Leia asked me to bring him back, before she died. We both saw that there’s good in him, but she and Han were the ones who let him go. Ben was Snoke’s victim, just like you were his. I know what he is, I’m not a fool. But don’t you understand?? This is what the dark wants! I’ve seen it! We cannot keep fighting, keep doing the same things over and over again. Not like before. The Empire, the Rebels, the First Order, the Resistance, there is no fight we can win like this! It’s tried to take everything from us, and we can’t let it! We can’t let it split us apart!”

She had seen Ben’s mind, all of it, this time, in that brief moment of joining. She knew what had been done to him, what he had done. He had been a child, a broken child. Snoke had torn his soul. That couldn’t happen any more. She wouldn’t let it, no matter how tired she was.

Poe was shocked beyond anger. His face was white with fury, his features unrecognizable. 

“His victim? His victim? He chose to stay, he chose to kill his own father! He made a choice! He IS the dark side! That’s why Leia never told me.”

Rey was furious now, too. She had known something for a while, even before she saw it in Ben. Rose had helped her. 

“He was a child, Poe. I saw what happened. His parents were afraid of him, so they sent him away. That wasn’t his fault.” She paused and took a deep, shaky breath. “The First Order, the Resistance, Han, Leia, Luke, you, me, Ben, do you know what we have in common? We all think we’re right. We have to believe what we’re doing is right.”

“Believe?? Believe we’re right? Am I hearing you?” 

Poe was close to Rey now, scrutinizing her as if to see what other horrors were going to surface. 

“What do you believe??” he asked.

“I believe what I saw. I believe that they’ve been told they’re on the right side for so long, by such terrible people. They were forced to serve, they couldn’t leave. What would happen to them if they did? The dark uses whatever it can to destroy the souls of those it wants to take. It’s made them all believe they’re nothing without the First Order.”

The familiar words burned in her mouth as she spoke them. She now knew why he had used them on her; it’s what he had been told, too, that he was nothing without the Skywalker blood, without Snoke.

“And yes, they’ve all done unforgivable things, but so have we. Do you know that there are children on the star destroyers? We killed those children, we killed them because we believed we were right. We are all going to have to face what we’ve done.”

“I left.” Finn whispered. “I was taken from my family, forced to believe in it all, and I fought it. I left. I was a child on one of the First Order ships.”

Finn had been silent until now. Finn, who always came back for her, who was one of the reasons she had so much hope for an end to this horror. She loved him so much, the one who had done the unimaginable. She went to him and kissed him on the cheek, surprising him. 

“Yes, you did. You fought against what they did to you, and it saved you. It’s there, in all of them, I believe they can still come back, if we help. We need to somehow bring them to our side.” She left Ben’s name unspoken. “We can end this, now. Rose was right, we’ve been fighting what we hate, and we’ve lost everything. But it doesn’t have to be like this! Maybe…” 

She trailed off, not at all sure how to say what she felt to be true, and too exhausted to keep trying. Besides, Poe wasn’t listening anymore. He turned on her with a look so full of rage and bitter disappointment that it didn’t matter. She knew nothing she’d say would make any difference at this point. They might never come back from this. 

“I can’t hear this. I can’t. I fight, that’s what I do, it’s what Leia did. I knew her my whole life. She would never have given up, she would never have done what you said. I will keep fighting until there are none of us left. I have to go, anywhere but here, anything but this waiting around for Hux to find us through his spy.” He turned his back. “I hope they find you. Then you’ll see I’m right. I hope Luke taught you enough to save yourself when Kylo Ren tries to kill you.”

He slammed the door to his bedroom. Finn watched him go, giving Rey a long, inscrutable look. Then he followed Poe. Rose took her friend by the arm back to their room, where she sat for a long time and watched while Rey paced, torn between fury and sadness, shut to anything but her own torment. 

*** 

Ren had been absent for days, locked in his quarters, not responding to comms. This was not the behavior of the Supreme Leader, Hux thought, inwardly so very glad of it. He turned to his senior staff, seated around the obsessively polished black conference table in front of him. 

The officers who had survived the last few weeks tolerated Hux because they had no other option. They had grown to dread these ill-advised meetings that made clear the extent of Hux’s growing monomania. Those men and women inherited from the days of the Empire were mostly gone, but the ones who remained detested the man at the head of the table because of his steadfast refusal to capitulate to the old ways. All Hux’s new technology had done nothing to protect Snoke, had done nothing to stop Luke Skywalker from enabling the escape of the Resistance. They all somehow believed that neither the Emperor nor Vader would ever have been deceived by a ghost. The irony that the Imperial leaders they so admired and seeked to emulate were now all dead because of their own hubris was lost on them. 

If Hux was aware of any of this, he didn’t care. He would seize the First Order and the past would die, along with those who clung to it. He scanned the room, seeking out the faces of those who would fall in the first pass of the executioner’s laser axe.

“The Supreme Leader has all but abdicated his position. We must act. I have recalled the Knights of Ren.”

Several officers jumped to their feet, shouting. That order’s name was whispered, not spoken aloud, and to presume to make those in the room complicit in their duties could only mean one thing: Hux was unconcerned if his fellow officers lived or died. Only rumor and supposition surrounded the Knights, but one thing was certain. They were Snoke’s assassins. While some rejoiced that the Knights were furthering the First Order’s cause in their own bloody way, others knew that killers grew indiscriminate when they were no longer beholden unto an ideology. Snoke had been their idealogue, not Kylo Ren and certainly not Hux, although he didn’t know it yet.

Hux held up his hands, attempting and failing to make his face blank as he struggled with his near-indecent joy, unaware that he was too inherently smirky to be inscrutable. He waited until his officers were silent, patient in the knowledge that it was upon his word that all of them lived.

“If Ren is to be removed as we agreed, we cannot do it alone. We must have Snoke’s loyal army. Their allegiance will still be to their former Master.” 

He hoped. He actually had no idea if the Knights would come back, take his side, or even if they were still alive. He just knew he couldn’t face Ren on his own. Hux had learned to be on guard for Ren’s previous tantrums, but he had also been protected from them largely by Snoke. Now Ren was utterly unstable, and Hux knew he wouldn’t survive the Force-wielder’s assaults much longer. He barely had when Ren was merely unpredictable.

This was the last play in Hux’s long game. For weeks he had been laying the groundwork for this moment, not that Ren would have noticed, even if Hux had been flagrant about his stratagems. And now, Ren was broken. He had been heard arguing with himself in his bedchamber multiple times. The walls of a First Order Star Destroyer were thin if you knew where to listen. He was near madness, then. Even more reason to have the Knights behind him. The plan could come to fruition and Ren would be unaware until it was far too late. His arrogance, petulance and propensity to violence had ensured his demise long ago. He was despised. There would be no one to come to his aid.

The Knights were still a gamble, however. Hux had seen them, only once, many years before. They had been before Snoke when Hux was summoned. Snoke tasked them with their own mission, and hadn’t confided in Hux, who was merely ordered to provide them with ships. It galled Hux still. Now that Snoke was dead, Ren alone knew where they had gone. He was their leader now, but weak, a traitor. They would certainly turn against him. And their ships had holos, encrypted holos to which he now had the codes. Everything around him was his. There were no secrets from the architect.

“I’ve sent holos to their ships, requesting their return. Those who obey will be rewarded. Those who do not will be…” 

Hux didn’t know what they would be. He couldn’t likely punish them.

“...attended to.” 

It was weak, and he knew it. 

“I’ll alert you when they make contact. Dismissed.”

The group disbanded, muttering quietly to each other as they departed. Hux would show them. He knew what he was doing.


	14. Chapter 14

Rey was finally asleep. It had been, not surprisingly, incredibly difficult for Rose to convince her to stop pacing and try to rest. Rey’s ingrained stubbornness coupled with her anger and taxed mental state kept her from being able to stand still, let alone lie down, until the adrenaline had worn off and she could no longer stop her hands and legs from shaking. Only at that point did she finally agree to attempt to nap, all the while arguing that trying would be pointless as she’d never be able to sleep and that she appreciated Rose’s concern but she was fine, honestly. 

Nodding her head in agreement while guiding Rey to the bed, Rose then laid down next to her, took her hand and told her silly, distracting stories of the Tico girls’ imaginary childhood adventures until she heard her friend’s breathing slow and then watched, relieved, as the exhausted harbinger of light dropped into deep slumber. Rose cautiously rolled off the bed, kissed Rey on the forehead and left her covered with a blanket, making sure to leave a glass of water on the nightstand, as well. She snuck out the door, closed it quietly behind her and turned to lean against the cool, painted metal, hard against her shoulder blades, her wire-wrapped ponytail poking uncomfortably into her scalp. She shut her eyes and gathered her thoughts that had splintered like shrapnel in the laser fire of that morning’s skirmish.

She was so terribly worried. The strain of the burden being placed on Rey showed in the deep circles under the young woman’s eyes, the increasing thinness in her cheeks and her growing obsession with rebuilding the lightsaber. The Force was consuming her, and had been for weeks now, ever since it had brought her into its ageless war. Rose knew that Rey was made of tough stuff, but every human had their limits, even one as powerful as they woman they knew to be the last Jedi. 

Rose pushed herself away from the door with her palms, propelling herself wearily into the center of the apartment. She had to find Finn, talk to him. While he was still, at times, bewilderingly naive, he was also possessed of deep insight and boundless compassion. She could talk openly to him about her concerns, especially as she already knew he shared them.

The door to his and Poe’s bedroom was open. She crossed to it and peeked in. Poe was gone, but Finn sat on the edge of his unmade bed, still in his cream-colored pajamas, his elbows resting on his knees and his clasped hands supporting his chin, his eyes far, far away. She knocked out of courtesy.

“Hey, can I come in?”

Finn stood up awkwardly and gestured to a spot next to him while mumbling something about her being welcome. He was still endearingly shy about certain aspects of their relationship, which, oddly, gave her courage. She stepped over hastily scattered bedding and the crumpled pieces of clothing Poe must have shed on his way out and sat next to Finn on the bed. She took his hand, tucked it under her arm, clasped it with both of hers and leaned against him, pressing her cheek to the soft sleeve of the indoor coat of sorts he had hastily thrown on when she entered. She could feel his muscles underneath, solid and reassuringly present. She was glad he was flesh and blood and right there, not thousands of light years away. They were quiet for a few minutes, grateful for what didn’t need to be said. 

“How’s Rey?” Finn finally asked.

“Sleeping,” Rose replied. “It took me a long time to calm her down. You never took care of younger children, did you? It was exactly like trying to get a really tired little kid to sleep. She fought me the whole way.”

She meant this to be light-hearted, but it felt a little mean after she said it. The deprivation Finn and Rey had suffered as children was not a subject for jokes. To never have someone tuck you in, tell you a story, stay with you until you fell asleep... Rose wished she could go back in time and make the people responsible for their suffering pay. But, since she couldn’t, she’d just love them both the way they should have been loved all along. She squeezed Finn’s hand more tightly. He rested his cheek on her hair and she scooted as close to him as she could get. 

“I don’t know what’s going to happen when she wakes up,” she said. “I’m scared for her. She’s on the edge of something, and I can't help her. I don’t know anything about the Force.”

She thought about Ben, and how things could have been so different if he had joined Rey in the light. What a dummy. Speaking of dummies…

“Where’s Poe?”

“I don’t know, he wouldn’t tell me. He just took his stuff and left with BB-8. Rose, what are we going to do? If Poe leaves and Rey is focused again on saving Kylo Ren, it’s going to be you, me, Chewie and the droids. Maybe we could go to Kashyyyk and blend in with the Wookies.”

They both laughed a little when Finn roared in an unconvincing Chewbacca impression, but the levity didn’t last long. Finn angled his body so he could look right in Rose’s eyes. He held her hand tightly, tugging on it a little to bring her closer.

“When I’d wanted to escape, to find someplace to hide from the First Order, that would have sounded like a great idea. Now running away sounds like a nightmare. I can’t lose anyone else, I have to find a way to keep us together. I’m going to find Poe and bring him back.”

Rose gazed at him, wondering if the Force that was so tormenting Rey and Ben had brought her and this sweet, brave man together, too, right when she needed him the most, when he had needed her just as much. She couldn’t believe she’d ever been jealous of Rey, the woman she hadn’t yet met but who would become like another sister. It all seemed so absurd and distant now.

“You know what I love the most about you?” Rose asked. “Nothing seems impossible to you.”

“You know what I love the most about you?” Finn asked in return, blushing slightly. “Nothing seems impossible with you.”

Rose dimpled, her glorious smile shaking loose the tears that filled her eyes. Finn lifted his free hand to her face and gently drew it to his. His kiss was as new as the dawn, their love the balm to the lifelong wounds in their souls. Rose moved into his embrace and pulled him down into the circle of her arms. They lay together, quietly, peacefully, for a long while, the calm center of the storm that raged around them.

***

Poe and BB-8 had been up in the city scouting for transport to Mirrin Prime, or close enough to the Mirrin system to get them to Prime eventually, since they had fled the apartment shortly after dawn. Poe clung to the slim hope of finding any pilots or officers who were left from his old squadron at the now presumably defunct New Republic base in the capitol city, any who were left at all to help him beseech the planetary council for aid, for anything that would give them a chance to not just disappear. It wasn’t going well. No one wanted the risk of having this young man who reeked of the Resistance onboard. He didn’t have enough money, anyway, and his usually-compensatory charm had packed up and left after what felt like the dozenth rejection.

After hours of scrabbling from landing pad to cargo bay, Poe had surrendered for the day and retreated to the bar of a cantina in the uppermost reaches of the city, where he sat tapping the base of his empty glass on the countertop, staring ahead at nothing. Finn walked up behind him and slapped him on the shoulder.

Poe whirled on him, jumping out of his seat. 

“Man, you scared me! Don’t do that. How’d you find me?”

“I know what you drink. Also, you’ve asked everyone in this city with a ship for a ride. Where’re you going?” 

Neither of them bothered to mention the promise they’d made to Lando. It seemed unimportant now. Finn raised his hand to the bartender, a long-armed droid with no legs.

“Away from here.”

“Poe, don’t do this. Come back, talk to Rey. There’s a lot you don’t know.” 

“Yeah? I bet. It would have been nice for someone, anyone, to let me in on what the hell was going on before I walked in on Kylo Ren in our quarters. Leia’s son.”

Poe shook his head, hurt in so many ways.

“I know, we should have told you, but it wasn’t our story to tell. Rey has been through hell, like all of us, and she’s trying to do the best she can. She really thought she could bring him back. Leia thought she could bring him back, too. I thought it was over after what happened on Crait, but I was wrong, apparently.”

“So, what, he’s with her now? He’s going to defect and turn to the light? You know the guy, what he’s done. It ain’t gonna happen. She’s betrayed us. And for what.”

“Poe, you told us yourself that Luke brought Vader back. Ren killed Snoke. Did you know that?”

“No, how could I? None of you tell me anything.”

He dropped his gaze, petulantly, to the now-full drink in his right hand. Finn leaned in, trying to look in Poe’s dejected face, but the pilot turned away, lifted his glass and threw back his whole drink in one shot.

“Poe, listen to me.” 

Finn put his hand on his friend’s forearm. Poe turned his chin slightly back to the former Stormtrooper, not looking at him, but letting him know that, at the very least, a tiny part of him was willing to listen.

“Rey’s right, and so is Rose. We can’t just keep fighting and dying. We have to try something different, to bring back hope, and we can’t do it alone.”

“Yeah, well, Leia thought Luke would do that. I’m damned if I know how.”

“That’s what we have to figure out together,” Finn replied. “But we can only do that if we trust each other.” 

Poe didn’t respond, and Finn was surprised. Poe always had a rejoinder, a snappy comeback, a counter-argument. But, for once, he had nothing to say. So, they sat and drank in silence until it was well past dark. Poe came back to their quarters with Finn and shut himself in his room, all alone.

***  
If only Poe had known that, across the galaxy, word of what had happened on Crait had begun to spread. The surviving Resistance officers, scrabbling for aid, jumping from system to system, told everyone the story of Master Jedi Luke Skywalker facing Kylo Ren, alone, giving them the time to escape, and of the young Jedi who had saved them on the Millennium Falcon. Stories of the Rebellion began to be told again, this time with Luke as a coda, single-handedly defying the entire First Order, and his protege, taking up his mantle, drawing off the attacking ships and moving mountains to rescue them. Old fighters, young hopefuls, families whose children had been stolen to become fodder for the great First Order juggernaut, those who had felt a door in their mind opening, a sudden strength, they all started meeting in secret, finding ways to train, to plan. The fire had been lit, and, if they could feed it, the First Order would burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, I'm sorry! Too many grad school group projects and work rehearsals lining up this week. Spring break is next week, though, so I'll have more time to edit. Thanks again to all my readers! I still find this whole thing so wonderfully astonishing!!


	15. Chapter 15

The door of Kylo Ren’s chamber hissed open and he emerged, his pale face a moon in the black astral field of the open archway. He was dressed simply: no cape; no gloves; no lightsaber. The last had pained him greatly. So much of what he was to the First Order depended upon that furious blade and the fits of rage that typically accompanied the thrum of its ignition. He clung to it as a crutch, he knew, but he could have none now. 

The first tech he passed waited quietly until Ren was out of sight, then bolted down the long hallway to one of the smaller control rooms where officers were busy betting on cards. A startled captain began to upbraid the terrified, wheezing man for interrupting the game and possibly bringing notice to his illicit actions when his subordinate finally stammered out the news. The captain scattered cards everywhere as he leapt from his chair to snatch the comm. Through the subtly panicked chain of command, word reached Hux asleep in bed that the Supreme Leader had at last ended his voluntary exile.

The general dressed quickly and hastened to the bridge to wait for Ren to arrive, assuming that he would demand to know why his Knights had been recalled against his wishes, that he would question the First Order’s progress in subduing the Core Planets, that he would finally show interest in any of the thousand issues of which he should be taking notice. But Ren didn’t appear. Hux sent runners all over the ship, sent messages to all staff to keep watch of every hallway, every monitor, but no one knew where he had gone. Or rather, they did, but had been convinced to forget.

Far from the frantic bridge, a young cadet tried to sleep on a hard cot in a corner of the medbay’s largest ward. He had no visitors, no home, no purpose. He didn’t understand why he had been allowed to live. Nights were terrible. Despair and the constant, borderline inaudible hum of the weapons array power supply above his head coupled to hammer at his brain until he feared he was going to go mad. 

As he lay on the cot’s thin mattress, he heard the nearby door unlock, but he didn’t bother to concern himself. It would only be the med droid come to sedate him as it did every night. It never helped, but he didn’t fight it. 

The door slid back and a human face, not that of a shining droid, appeared through the dimness of the ship’s artificial night. The cadet pushed himself to the head of the bed, dragging his useless legs. Suddenly overcome with terror, he was convinced that his fears were coming true, that his mind was shattering and hallucinations were spilling out. The man in the doorway could only be a fiction, he could not be Kylo Ren coming to visit the sick and injured, or to finish what he had started that day in the training room. The cadet’s eyes flicked to the apparition’s waist, but no weapon hung there, which confirmed his fear. Ren would never be without his saber. 

As the specter approached, the boy slowly became aware that the many-bedded room was rippling with gasps and labored breathing. He glanced at his nearest neighbor and saw the young woman there staring in open-mouthed horror at what he now realized could only be the flesh and blood Jedi Killer. He turned back to the creature by his bedside and instinctively held up his hand to stop the death he knew was coming. Ren made no noise, he merely stood by the cadet’s bedside and looked down at the boy cowering under an insufficient blanket. 

“Supreme Leader…” the cadet stammered. 

Ren raised his hand to stop the boy from speaking, but the cadet had seen that gesture before. He gasped, closing his eyes so as to not witness his own execution. Tears coursed down his cheeks as he grasped the bed coverings and pulled them to his unprotected chest and throat, waiting for the crushing end.

But it never came.

Kylo Ren knelt, one knee raised, one to the ground, next to the cadet’s bed. 

“Forgive me.” 

It wasn’t a command, but a plea, barely a whisper. All of the lives he had taken, the evil he had done in the name of the dark, it resolved into the form of this frightened boy who he had damaged, who was alone and friendless, torn from his family like so many others. Like him. Like Rey. Like the man he’d heard called Finn.  
He had seen Rey’s mind when she entered his. There was so much there he didn’t understand; sadness, joy and disappointment warring with her inborn, stubborn certainties, but, at her core, she was somehow still. The Jedi, the Sith, Snoke, they had all been wrong, he saw it in her soul. She could rage, she could weep, she could love and hate, she could feel it all and never lose her own heart. She was new, and Luke had seen it. Ren didn’t yet know what it meant, but he wanted to. She had fought for him, over and over, against her enemies, against her friends, she kept on until he finally saw what could be. It absolutely terrified him, but he made himself feel the terror. For her and for himself he could feel again. He would feel again.

The cadet was insensible, eyes open now, face frozen in fear. Ren looked up and saw, with a sudden twist in his guts, that his presence was torture to the boy. He stood and averted his eyes from the young man’s anguish. It shamed him, as he knew it should.

“I’m sorry. Please, forgive me,” he repeated. Then he turned and was gone.

The cadet collapsed, weeping openly in fear and confusion, not understanding his part in this new order. The frightened young woman from the bed next to his stood up and crossed to the boy, taking him in her arms. She finally felt she had permission to do so. Ren hadn’t seemingly noticed or cared if he was witnessed, but everyone in the vast ward had watched, stunned, as the avatar of all they had feared, this inhuman creature of darkness, became a man. The fear that bound their hearts and souls began to loosen, ever so slightly. 

***

Rose lay on the floor underneath the panel of screens that should have shown the freighter’s cargo hold, living area and cockpit. It wasn’t working. The freighter, an elderly YG-class, had arrived that morning and it looked as though it had been dug up from a scrap yard. Rose, Finn, Poe and Chewie stood gaping from the hangar bay door as it arrived, limping to halt with a rough, bone-jarring landing that made Rose actually shudder. It took a while for the shock to pass. Without much hope of what they’d find, they’d climbed aboard the dusty vessel and spent the better part of the morning checking the ship’s systems. Not many of them worked.

“This is great. Great!” Rose said as she pulled handfuls of some kind of web out from the monitor bank’s innards, “it’s totally non-functioning, and something built a nest in here. I’m going to have to completely rip it apart and put it back together. The wiring is totally fried, the relay is in pieces, the couplings have been stripped...we’ll have no idea what’s happening anywhere else on or off the ship. How did they fly this thing here?? Did they drag it here? Did they drag it through an asteroid field?”

She pulled herself out from under the console and stomped testily to the secondary wall controls for the cargo bay doors. She slammed her hand on the button. Nothing happened.

“Are you kidding me?? The doors don’t even open? The hydraulics must be shot. I have no idea how we’re going to get this pile flying. And I thought the Resistance ships were in bad shape.”

“Well, that’s why I’m here bearing gifts.” 

Lando walked up the only working ramp, followed by a handful of identically dressed techs carrying crates. 

Rose was unembarrassed. She’d dealt with all of this nonsense too many times before. She stood, firmly, pointing out all the problems with a wrench as she named them.

“I don’t mean to be ungrateful, sir, but we can’t fly this ship. She doesn’t have any optics, the hyperdrive is ancient and obsolete, there are no working weapons, all the trunking is brittle and cracking, the hydraulics are gone…”

“Well, that’s why I’ve brought my best men here to help you.”

He handed her a datapad. She took it, but glared at Lando with a dubious, offended look in her eye. 

“Best men? I’d prefer your best techs.”

Lando laughed, and gestured at his staff to start work. 

“I can loan them to you for no more than a week. By then, I hope to have heard from any of your allies who are still willing to take you in and see you on your way.”

“Our allies?” Finn interjected. “Aren’t they your allies, too?”

Lando just smiled that too selfsure smile and walked off the ship.

“I know he was friends with Leia and Han, but I just don’t like that guy. Why is he always smirking? I don’t trust people who smirk. I always feel like he knows something we don’t.” Finn said, watching Lando’s cape billow across the bay.

“He probably does,” said Rose. “Best men…”

Finn smiled as she walked away, muttering.

***  
Ben barely made it back to his quarters before his legs wouldn’t hold him any longer. As soon as the door shut behind him, he leaned against it and slid to the floor. He nearly cracked his head dropping it back against the cold metal. He could feel the heat of tears stinging his eyes and didn’t care if they fell. He knew he had been seen, that the whole ship would soon know what he had done, but that wasn’t important. It was never going to ease his torment, asking for forgiveness, but he’d not expected it to. He didn’t deserve forgiveness. He just wanted to find a glimmer of his lost humanity.

He so desperately wanted to reach out to Rey, seek her comfort, but he didn’t. He was still using the Force to subjugate his feelings, uncertain what untethering himself would do, and everything already felt tenuous and brittle. He worried that, if he saw her or spoke to her, he would be irrevocably undone, and there was so much more he had to do. He did permit himself a small check of the Force and its pathways to her. Her presence was a glorious tangle, strong and bright and reassuring. He let it fill him for a moment and then locked it away in his memory with others of her. They would have to be enough for tonight.

He stood up, clenching all the muscles in his body to steady his step, and crossed to the comm. He was hungry, ravenous, even. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt the need to eat. The crewer on the other end of the comm sounded surprised to receive orders from his leader, but quickly complied. When the food arrived, Ben fell on it like a man who had spent years in the desert. He laughed wryly for a moment when he realized that’s exactly what he was, and that he’d finally reached an oasis.


	16. Chapter 16

When Rey awoke she was alone and disoriented. There was no display by her bed so she didn’t know the time, but she could tell from the brightness outside her window that she had been asleep for hours. There was a strange feeling floating around her muddled consciousness, just out of her grasp. As the stupor of sleep fell away, the feeling coalesced into joy, sadness, longing, shock and...absence. Ben. She sat up and pushed out with her mind so hard it hurt. She felt him, his presence pulsing and brilliant, but resistant, maybe? She tried again, sweat beading on her brow, but the bond could find no purchase. She let go, suddenly understanding. He had shut her out. She fell back onto the bed, limbs akimbo. They had been so close, she had seen so much, but the strain of the connection and Poe’s fury must have pushed him too far. 

Guilt and frustration erupted, churned into anger and settled in Rey’s stomach as a hard, hot lump of pure obstinacy. Poe had been livid, but she couldn’t help that. His part in the fight for the galaxy, while important, only skimmed along the surface. She was fighting for the Force itself and Ben was the battleground, as all the Skywalkers had been before him. She would never stop fighting, not now that she knew, not if all the forces of light and dark stood against her. She’d either make Poe understand or...or nothing. She’d make him understand. She cast around for him, looking for his fiery, blustery feelings. He wasn’t there, none of them were, and she wondered where they had all gone. It was for the best, though, that they had let her be when they left. She needed another bit of solitude. She never thought she’d want it so much after suffering through a thousand lifetimes’ worth on Jakku, but she’d never had thoughts on which she wanted to linger before. 

She closed her eyes, and let the moment her mind had touched Ben’s play over and over in her memory, as clear as a holo. It was so very beautiful, and so very awful. His memories, his feelings, his desires, he felt so deeply, so overpoweringly. It was no wonder Snoke sought to harness and subjugate him, and no wonder that Ben had hoped the dark would give him a moment’s peace. Even without the Skywalker allure, the sheer volume of emotion in his poor heart must have warped the Force around him, making him painfully visible to anyone who could sense it, anyone who wanted to exploit or abuse it. And abuse it Snoke had.

She wondered what he thought when he saw her mind. She felt him there, and she thrilled at the traces of his presence that still lingered, along with all that she’d seen in that one, brief, transcendent moment. Understanding what she saw, that would be another task. She instinctively retreated from the fervor accompanying his thoughts of her. Those she’d have to parse a little at a time as even thinking on them slightly brought a catch to her throat. She realized that she had until now, by some kind of necessity, forced herself to see only a fragment of him, but now she had to reform the thousand pieces of what he truly was into one, multifaceted whole. And that whole had to contain her, too. He wanted it, and so did she. But there were things that had to be done first.

She rolled to her side, thirsty, hungry and restive with purpose. Her eyes were drawn to the crystal where it lay on the little table next to her bed. She stood up, grabbed it with one hand and the glass Rose had left there with the other. She drained the water and, after realizing that it had been a very long time since she had used the toilet, spent a few minutes in the refresher, where she saw her face in the mirror. She was pale and drawn and could see why Rose had spent the last few days gazing at her with deepening concern. She cleaned herself up, brushed her hair, got dressed and went to look for something to eat in the center apartment. She loaded a tray left behind by Lando’s people with food, enough to last all day and possibly all night. 

Supplies in hand, a piece of greenish fruit in her teeth and the crystal in her pocket, she left their quarters and locked herself in the workroom. After eating and cursorily attempting to reach out to Ben one more time, she spent the rest of the daylight hours laboring at the table until she had completely disassembled the lightsaber and laid out all the pieces in an exploded version of the inner workings. The crystal was sitting in the middle, above its mount. She stared at it for a while, tapping the metal worktop with her fingers. The crack had shorn the crystal nearly in two. She knew how it felt. Picking it up, she closed her eyes and tried focusing all of her energy on it, begging it to respond. She wished Ben were with her, giving her guidance, but he’d said she couldn’t have any. Fine.

“Please.” 

Nothing.

She opened her eyes, sighed and turned to lean her lower back against the table. She cupped her hands around the crystal, cradling it gently. She remembered Ahch-to, the rock above the sea. Maybe she had to be sitting down. She lowered herself to the floor, crossed her legs, held the crystal in her lap and reached out, willing herself to feel what she felt that day, pouring herself and her awareness into the little rock in her hands. At first, all she heard was the whirring of the climate system, the hum of the generators, the clouds outside leaving thousands of droplets on the windows, the white sky...

...then she was falling. She reached out her arms to brace herself against the impact of wherever she was going to hit when she landed on her feet, hard, absorbing some of the shock in her bent knees. She groped out with one hand and felt rough stone on her palm. It was terribly dark, but she could feel somehow that she was in a cave, and had to fight brief panic. She breathed the heavy, mossy air deeply, slowly, until she couldn’t hear her heart in her ears any more.

She stood very still, head tilted, trying to catch a faint, almost imperceptible change in the air. It was whispers, all around her, low, urgent whispers, not a breeze. She gently probed her surroundings. She was alone, but she could feel the traces of thousands who had been there before her. Force memories. She turned around and around, trying to pinpoint their origin, but they came from everywhere, joining to make almost a song, like that which had called to her on the island. She felt warmth in her hand, lifted it, opened her fingers and saw the crystal, glowing palely, tendrils of light blooming about it. She looked up, her eyes adjusting to the dim light, and all around her was the same glow. This was the cave from which the crystal came. It was calling her home. 

She again felt that she should sit, so she did so, folding her legs under her. The cave wall against which she rested was cool and rough, but not uncomfortable. She closed her eyes and opened her mind. As the music filled her, all else faded away. She felt little: no fear; no uncertainty; no hunger. Her mind was free of the tortured emotions of the past weeks. She let the Force surround her, call to the crystal in her hand, to the cave, to the memories of Jedi for whom this had been a sacred place. She called on their wisdom and their guidance, and they answered.

There was no sense of time, but when she opened her eyes again, she saw, through the depths of the darkness, a luminous path, her path. She stood and followed it. At the end was a small lake. There was always water in her visions, a little part of her brain noted. She allowed the lake to cover her, lifting her clothes and hair, as somehow she kept walking, never floating, the path drawing her deeper still. At the far end of the lake bed, there was a door, a fissure in the rock. She had to enter.

***

A day and a half had passed since Rey had gone into the workshop. When they had returned to find the apartment empty the afternoon of the fight, her friends knew where she had gone. The next day, they knocked on the workroom door each time they passed it, going to and from the the new freighter’s hangar, leaving food outside each time, only to see the meals still there when they passed by again. 

Poe had hovered outside it for a bit before knocking on his first pass, not knowing if Rey would want to see him. After returning from the city and locking himself in his and Finn’s bedroom, forcing the latter to not at all reluctantly seek accommodations elsewhere, Poe had emerged the next morning, shame-faced and humbled. He’d wanted to talk to Rey, make it right, but she was still gone, locked away, too. Over breakfast, he had admitted to Rose, Finn and Chewie what Leia and Holdo had said to him before their evacuation and descent to Crait. He had spent too much of his life rashly following his own counsel, assuming a superior understanding of the motives of others, thinking his role was central to every story. The fact that he had not known anything of Rey’s struggles shook him deeply. He knew he had to try harder, listen more. And he needed his friends to smack him around a little, if necessary, to help him do so. 

While deeply relieved that Poe had come to these realizations on his own and perfectly willing to comply with his request, Rose only half listened as Finn filled Poe in the best he could on Rey’s time on Ahch-to and the events that followed. She had made up her mind that, if Rey didn’t come out by that evening, she was going in. 

After a hard day of lugging trunking to the new ship and welding heat shields, Rose was exhausted, but determined. Before they returned to the apartment, she gathered everyone in the cargo bay.

“We have to go in and get Rey. I can’t take it any more. She’s too exhausted to keep going like this, and I’m afraid for her. She could be in trouble.” 

Everyone agreed. They walked the long halls back to their quarters, determined to break the door to the workshop down if they had to, only to see it standing wide open, an empty room on the other side. They ran to the apartment and found Rey standing by the windows, looking out at the sunset, obviously exhausted, but unharmed. In truth, aside from the fatigue, she looked remarkably well. They rushed to her, embraced her all at once and ordered her to explain herself, fear and relief mingling to make reproach. 

“What have you been doing?” Finn demanded. “You can’t leave us like that.”

Poe stood nearby, looking at Rey nervously. He stood awkwardly, shifting his hands from his hips to his hair, over and over. 

“Rey…”

She disentangled herself from Rose, Finn and Chewie and walked over to him, understanding and her own contrition plain on her face. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. 

“I’m sorry...”

“No,” Poe interrupted. He pulled back and took Rey’s shoulders in his hands. His face was serious as he shook his head.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I had no right to be angry with you. I didn’t know what you were going through, but I shouldn’t have assumed the worst. I don’t understand, but I want to. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

Rey teared up a little in relief. They all knew now, she no longer had to hide anything. It was freeing.

The others pressed in, also relieved but more anxious to understand why she had locked herself away. After trying to answer each question only to have four more asked of her, Rey took a step back, laughing and outnumbered. 

“Wait! Hang on! If you won’t let me tell you, let me show you.”

She backed away further and held out her left hand, gesturing at them to move a little ways away. She reached under her vest to the back of her belt and pulled out a gleaming silver tube, half wrapped in a leather thong, the ring from Luke and Anakin’s casing swinging from one end. With a flick she ignited her lightsaber and the violet glow from the slender, steady blade lit her joyful face. She was new and old, the same woman and something entirely different. She was the balance between it all and she was a Jedi.

***

Ben awoke with a start. She or the Force had broken through, his defenses weak while he was sleeping. Her lightsaber, her happiness, her face filled his mind along with a sense of finality, of something settling into place. She was no longer the lost girl being swept along by forces greater than herself, if she ever really had been. She was her own master now, and they were truly each other’s equal. Another, far more unexpected emotion surfaced. He was proud of her. Far away on Bespin, Rey felt it and smiled, blushing.

***

When Rey lit her saber, the Knights, too, felt the power shift in the Force’s web. They were slowly making their their way back to the fleet, forcing Hux to wait on their favor as they tied up loose ends and silenced loose lips. From these unlucky souls and the many others who shared similar misfortunes, they gathered the stories of Luke and his new apprentice and knew that she must be the one uprooting the darkness their Master had so carefully planted. This new strength confirmed it, she had taken up the charge laid on her by the Force.

They would not have the name of the Jedi once again on people’s tongues, especially as they had worked so hard to rip it out. Indeed, that had been what Snoke commanded them to do, destroy all that remained of the temples, the stories, the artifacts. What the Empire had started, they would finish. This new girl made no difference, they believed, in spite of her power. She would be destroyed, too, along with their traitorous brother-in-arms. Then, the stories would die with the last Skywalker, and so would the Jedi and the hope they carried with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There've been a lot of moving pieces that had to be put in order before things could really get moving. Those pieces are in place, and more action will be forthcoming. Thank you to all you kind readers and commenters!! I'm so happy you're all here!


	17. Chapter 17

Down in what was commonly called the “basement” of the Finalizer, in the very lowest levels of the ship where no officer had ever set a gleaming boot, a tech, a human female in her thirties known as L-7554, was on her hands and knees, waist deep in an access port adjacent to an environmental processor unit. There had been a pernicious leak in one of the condenser lines that no droid or human had been able to repair, and the moisture was creating a corrosion problem in the surrounding metal fittings. She’d found the source, but couldn’t reach it without much longer arms.

“The median fitting of the exhaust condensation release valve is leaking.”

L-7554 hit her head hard on the underside of the piping above her. She scooted back, angry and in pain, ready to yell at the unscheduled and unwelcome visitor, likely another tech who had come to harass her, as usual. It was so typical. Even on the worst shift, they couldn’t just leave her alone. How they could know the cause of the problem when she had only just discovered it was beyond her, though. Her teammates were all too stupid to diagnose their own runny noses, much less a faulty valve.

“Oh, really?? And how would you know, you…who the hell are you??”

A man in an unfamiliar black uniform crouched by the control panel of the processor. It took her a moment to clear the stars from her vision, but when she did, she fell backwards against a neighboring unit, eyes wide and disbelieving. While she had never seen his face, she knew who this man was, the only person without code cylinders on his plain jacket, the Jedi Killer. Kylo Ren. Even she, down here in the forgotten underbelly of the ship, had heard.

“Supreme Leader…”

As with the cadet, the terror on her face stirred waves of guilt in his stomach. He swallowed them back, hard, and held up his hand. He knew he had to find a better way to communicate with those on his ship when he saw her make the same horrified face the cadet had when he thought a Force choke was forthcoming. Ben quickly raised his other hand in a placating gesture. His growing self-awareness told him that he needed to learn to deal with other people without the crutch of fury and threat of violence. He’d begun walking the ship again, this time, to learn, not forget, and there had not been one person, be they officer, trooper or crew, who hadn’t reacted to his sudden appearance with anything other than sheer terror. Each time was a new knife to his soul, but he knew he’d been the one to place the knives in their hands, so it was no wonder they struck with them.

“No, no. I’m not going to hurt you. I was in the enviro systems control room when I heard you.” 

 

L-7554 struggled to regain control of her body. She was shaking and every muscle screamed to run. But she was First Order, and those impulses were checked by oneself or one’s superior, so she tried to slow her breathing, noting with something akin to relief that the man in front of her, of whom she knew little other than that which had been breathed amongst her peers, seemed surprisingly human. He was large, that was true, but no more so than any other tall man, of whom she knew many, and certainly not the massive creature he’d been painted to be. His face was scarred and tired, but he seemed otherwise startlingly normal. She wasn’t a fool, she knew that the blandest face could hide the most murderous heart, she knew that he commanded mystical powers, just as she knew of the legends of the Jedi and Sith, but he didn’t seem frightening in the way she would have expected. There was no sinister aura, no swirling black cloak, no pointed teeth. 

“I’m…” She had to clear her throat several times before her words were audible. “I’m trying to repair the leak. It’s too far back, though, underneath the main unit, even for a droid. So, since I’m the smallest of my team, it’s up to me to fix the problem now that I’ve found it, but I can’t reach it. I’m going to have to disassemble the whole unit.”

“Let me.”

“Sir...please, no, it’s my job...” She was growing panicked, but he’d already crawled into the port and found the problem in the line. 

“Hydrospanner.”

“What?”

“Hand me the ‘spanner.”

She handed him the tool, and watched as he lay down on his back, reached under the unit and, just as quickly as he’d gone in, he was out. A memory of a time, long ago, when last he’d held something as mundane as a wrench, popped uninvited into his mind. It was on the Falcon, and Chewie had handed it to him. He brushed the picture aside, but he could feel others lining up behind, ready to take its place. There were so many.

“Done.”

“But, how did you do that? No one could reach back there, and especially not someone your size!”

He sat back on the floor and dropped the wrench back into the toolbox lying open nearby. He hadn’t used it, but he’d let her think he had.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

The question was sudden and unsettling. 

“Um, L-7554.”

“No, your name.”

She first felt confused, then, when understanding dawned, trapped. Was this a test? If it was, why would the Supreme Leader be giving it? What a preposterous waste of his time it would be, trying to test the loyalty of the lowest of the crew ranks. She hoped she was doing the right thing by answering honestly.

“I don’t remember, but I think it started with a V.”

“Would you like to know?”

“Would I like to...sir…”

“Permit me?” He held out his hand to her as though he was going to touch her forehead. Her eyes wide, she nodded. He gestured for her to lean in and she did, a swell of fear constricting her throat.

The Supreme Leader touched her head, the head of a woman the leadership of the Order viewed as a commodity, as faceless and unimportant as a part manufactured by the thousand to ensure the ship’s proper functioning.

“Your name is Valasa. Your parents called you Val.”

“My parents...why are you doing this? I can’t know this.”

She let out a strangled sob, and Ben wondered if he had done the right thing, again. 

“You can. I give you permission.” 

The words nauseated him. Taking away a name was vile, giving it back should be welcome, but the First Order had stripped away all this woman’s individuality and will, leaving her frightened of her own identity.

“My name is....”

“Yes sir, it’s Kylo Ren.” She seemed shocked at her own interruption. He tried to smile, but failed. He was too out of practice.

“No, my name is Ben. Ben,” he repeated. It sounded right to his ears. 

“Ben. Thank you for your help. If I didn’t get this done tonight, I would be punished.” 

He stared at her for a long time, and she was convinced she had said too much and that a far worse punishment than that her team leader could mete out was coming her way, when he finally spoke.

“No, there will be no punishment. You have done well, thank you.”

At that, he stood and left. Val stared after him for a long time. She wondered if she should tell someone that he’d been here, but she knew no one would believe her. 

***

The quintet of Rebels toiled on the old freighter, aided by the droids and Lando’s “best men,” eating only food that could be held in one hand, taking short breaks only when they fell into accidental sleep, usually while tangled in wires. Finally, though, at the end of five grinding days, the ion cannons were installed, the shielding replaced, the hyperdrive and compensators upgraded and the hydraulics repaired. They all gathered near the cockpit of their new ship, tired and filthy, but mostly satisfied.

“There’ll be more we can do along the way,” Rey told them, wiping her brow, leaving oily smears behind. “There’s quite a lot of really corroded piping that I have to replace or the fuel lines will go. Hopefully, Lando will give us what we need. But, for now, she’ll fly.”

Rose stood in the cockpit, leaning over the controls, nodding her head as she switched them on and off, one after the other. 

“It’s not perfect, but it’s the best we can do. We have visuals, on and off the ship, the new hyperdrive should get us to the Mirrin system without being spotted, if that’s where we go, and we can hope that Poe still has allies there. The guns should help if he doesn’t.”

It was what they had all been banking on, that there were still those on the former Republic planet who would welcome the Resistance. It didn’t bear thinking about what would happen if there weren’t. Hope was all they had. Now, though, they were so exhausted that all they could do was wash and fall into bed, leaving worries for when they had time to fret over them. 

After everyone had departed back to their quarters for their last night on Bespin, Rey stayed behind to run some diagnostics on the navigation systems. The new hyperdrive had been patched in and she was worried that it would overload the ship’s computer. BB-8 stayed behind with her to talk to the freighter, who was, apparently, a little bristly. 

“Well, does the computer think the relays are stable?” Rey asked BB-8, frustrated at the computer’s truculence in complying to her scans. Old ships were so damn quirky, but the Rebels couldn’t leave until she knew they weren’t going to blow up in the middle of a hyperspace jump.

BB-8 turned to his socket arm and then swiveled back to Rey. He beeped a translation of the message the ship had given him, leaving out the saltier parts. 

Rey sank back in the pilot’s seat with a relieved sigh.

“Well, that’s good, at least. You go on ahead, I’ll be right behind you. I’ll close up.”

She heard the whirr of BB-8’s motivators as he clunked down the ramp to the hanger. She climbed out of the captain’s chair and was kneeling down, screwing the console panel shut when she felt the familiar quiet descend. She jumped up and looked around, but she didn’t see Ben. She reached out and found him, a ways back in the ship. 

“Ben?” she called out, following the bright spot in her mind.

“I’m here.”

She turned a corner into an open galley and he was there. She had to resist the urge to rush to him and embrace him in relief. Or punch him.

“Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you! Did you not feel me? I was worried. After what happened, I’d thought...” 

She was awkward again, not sure what to say. It was just too hard light-years apart, only being granted slivers of time. She had tried to reach him, staying awake long enough each night after everyone else had fallen asleep to open herself to him. But he’d resisted. She looked into his face and read what was plainly written there.

“You’re going to tell me something I won’t like, aren’t you?”

His gaze was steady, unflinching. She remembered what Maz had said, about living long enough to see the same eyes in different people. She’d seen the look in Ben’s eyes many times, in scavengers who’d had enough and stood up to Unkar Plutt, hoping to disappear before they were killed, in Leia’s, each time she left behind another Rebel, likely knowing she’d never see them again, in her own, reflected in the infinity of the cave. It was resignation, the acceptance of a seemingly unchangeable fate.

“That night, Rey, what you saw, who you think I am, I cannot be that man. There has been too much death, too much hatred and fear. That can’t be undone. But I’ve been watching the people on my ship, I know what has been done to them, what I’ve done to them. It must end.”

She grabbed his hand, hard, demanding his attention, her own face wearing its usual expression of battering-ram determination.

“Then let me come to you. Please, We are meant to do this together. And don’t tell me what I think. I know exactly who you are. It wasn’t a vision when you and I touched each other’s minds, it was the truth. I know nothing has ever been simple or straightforward to you, but it is to me. You are, to me. Let me help you.”

He pulled his hand from hers. She stiffened, watching in escalating frustration as he retreated back into the isolation on which he’d grown to depend.

“Rey, don’t reach out. You found your balance. I must find mine, and you must be safe for me to do it. Use your strength to fight, but not with me. Please.”

It was a script, she could tell he’d rehearsed what to say. Well, kriff that.

“Ben, no. No. Not again. Stop making the same stupid choices over and over. You are not alone.” 

It was desperate, the reminder of the times they’d truly seen each other, but it failed. He reached down to her face with his hand, but pulled it back before touching her. 

“Thank you. For saving me.”

“Ben!”

But she was calling to nothing. He was gone.

She sank onto the floor in shock and disbelief, tears wetting her reddened cheeks. She stayed like that until morning.

***

While the Rebels scrabbled to salvage the freighter, Lando had seemingly been hard at work, too, not that he told his guests. He was hearing things from the traders, politicians and tourists who came to Cloud City, influential people and gossipy nobodies. Small things, but he knew what to listen for. He had been through this all before. There were rumors of missing shipments of goods from planets where the First Order had a stranglehold, of children and adults who had never before exhibited any kind of Force sensitivity suddenly fighting back against the abuse by occupying battalions in cities and towns, governments who had long been neutral, with too few resources or too few forces to risk what opposition would bring down on them, suddenly pushing back against the First Order’s demands. And he’d heard why. Luke, the girl Rey, the galaxy had new hope.

And, finally, he had heard from Mirrin Prime. The New Republic base was occupied, the First Order had taken it, but there were those who wanted to take it back, and they wanted Poe to come and help them do it. He ambled down to the quiet quarters where the young people, and Chewie, slept. He stretched out on the couch, biding his time. He had heard a few other things, too. There was a substantial bounty on all their heads, enough to make them the most valuable targets in the galaxy, and Poe had been spotted.


	18. Chapter 18

In the cockpit of his Silencer, Ben intercepted a transmission: Poe Dameron was on Bespin. Hux’s escalating raids of known Resistance-sympathizing planets and cities had resulted in nothing but civilian deaths, widespread outrage and the First Order’s weakening grip on those systems, but the bounty the general had placed on the Rebels was too good. Someone was bound to be greedy, damn the consequences to the Republic.

He turned his ship back to the Finalizer, and his squadron followed. This had been yet another pointless excursion, a dead lead, a distraction Hux had thinly disguised as a favor, playing on his perception of Ben’s vanity as an pilot to keep him off the Destroyer as Hux plotted his downfall. Ben was willing to go, if only to escape into the peace of space for a few moments. He knew perfectly well of the secret meetings, the gambit to summon the Knights of Ren even after he forbade it, to turn Snoke’s other apprentices against him, to kill him. He wasn’t sure if Hux’s plan would fail.

He landed in the bay and was met by the general. 

“Supreme Leader, we have found the pilot. We can only assume that the girl and the rest of the rabble are with her. Do you want me to send a battalion to Bespin to intercept?”

He knew what Hux wanted, but he also knew that, for once, their interests lay together.

“No. I’ll go myself. Have my ship refueled.”

He turned and walked towards his quarters. Hux oozed his oily smile at his hated rival’s back.

“Oh,” said Ben, turning over his shoulder to the shorter man, “notify me when my order arrives. I want to be here to welcome them.”

A bright flash of horror briefly burned and twisted Hux’s features before they reordered themselves into their usual rictus. Ben almost sympathized. 

***

“I told you not to go into the city, but you didn’t listen.” 

Just outside his bedroom doorway, Poe froze mid-stride, startled, and looked up from the bag into which he was shoving his clothes and few other belongings. Lando was sitting on a sofa in the central apartment, feet casually propped on a table, arms draped over the back of the couch. 

“What are you talking about?” Poe asked, confused and a little testy. Lando watched in amusement as, slowly, every muscle in the pilot’s face went slack, then snapped back into a much less self-assured arrangement as understanding dawned like the morning sun now shining on the younger man’s face. Poe threw down his bag and ran to the other bedrooms, pounding on doors and shouting.

“Hey! Hey! Get up! GET UP!!”

Rose, Rey, Finn and Chewie bolted out of their rooms, still sleepy, still mostly dressed in pajamas. 

“We have to go! The First Order knows we’re here! They’re coming!!”

Everyone but Finn, who was almost fully clothed, turned and shot back into their bedrooms

“What? How did they find us??” Finn demanded as he yanked on his boots, fairly convinced that Lando had sold them out. He looked back and forth between Poe and their host as the former ran to the long counter against the far wall where food packs and water canteens were waiting and shoved them into the half full supply sacks lying on the floor. 

“Apparently, your pilot friend here spent quite a bit of time boozing in the city and he was spotted. There’s a pretty hefty bounty on each of your heads,” Lando told them.

“A bounty??” Rey exclaimed, re-entering the room, now fully, if messily, dressed. “What bounty??”

“Is this funny to you?” Finn demanded, rounding on Lando, who sat calmly, a smile on his face.

“Nope, I’ve just been here before. You’d better get going. Don’t fly too fast, someone will think you’re running from something. But don’t go too slow. You don’t want to look suspicious. We’ll keep the Order away until you’re gone.”

He pointed at Poe. 

“Your friends are waiting for you on Mirrin Prime.”

He got up to leave. 

“Oh, by the way, how many people did you ask for a ride?” he asked, turning around to walk backwards out the door. They barely heard the last thing he said as he sauntered down the hallway.

“Don’t worry! I’ll take care of the Falcon!”

They all looked at Poe.

“Damn. DAMN. I’ll get the ship fired up! Let’s go!” 

He bolted out the door and BB-8 sped after him. The rest quickly threw their belongings into knapsacks before following, C-3PO lagging behind, as usual.

They ran for an eternity down endless, empty white corridors before reaching the freighter, which was housed in a hangar inconveniently distant from their quarters. Rey lagged behind, chivvying 3PO, and was the last to sprint up the ship’s ramp. She slammed her hand on the hatch controls and braced for a moment, gasping and clutching her side, as the ramp groaned shut. Once she could breathe again, she crowded with the others into the cockpit, where Chewie and Poe were madly flipping switches, powering up the ion drive. 

“How many people did you tell that you wanted to go to Mirrin Prime??” Rey demanded, repeating Lando’s question. 

“Only a few. Or twenty. I don’t know!” Poe retorted. 

He pulled back on the controls, lifting the ship off the ground. He slowly spun them to face the door and then they were out, just in time. As they were slowly, painfully navigating away from Cloud City, filing in with a crowded line of traders and other, wealthier visitors, a squadron of hyperspace-capable TIE fighters slammed into view. Rey drew back. Her eyes unfocused and she was utterly still for a moment. As Finn and Rose turned to look at her, her eyes snapped back into focus and she looked confused. 

“He’s here.”

***

Ben knew where she was. He felt her on the strange ship as he scanned it for its signature, both with his mind and his sensor array, but he didn’t want to chase them, draw attention to them. That was never his plan. He needed information. Lando would know where they were going, who would be sheltering them. 

He navigated his ship gracefully to an empty landing platform. There weren’t many, Cloud City was doing well. The First Order had made many terrible people very rich. Ben descended from his ship in an overdramatic swirl of exhaust and cape. He wanted this to be remembered. He knew everyone would know his ship, that the Supreme Leader of the First Order had come to Cloud City. 

He was unsurprised to see Calrissian waiting, his cyborg by his side. Ben hated that thing. He was terrified of it as a child. It was unreadable, incorruptible. Lando’s face, though, usually so calculated to please, faltered on approach. He hadn’t seen Ben Solo in many years, and he had never expected to see him again. But the mask was gone.

“Lando Calrissian.”

“Supreme Leader. This is an unexpected pleasure. It’s been far too long.”

Lando had recovered quickly, as always.

“It could never be long enough. You know why I’m here. You were sheltering enemies of the First Order. I’ve come to find out where they went.”

“I’ll tell you what I know, Supreme Leader. Please come inside, we can talk in private.” 

The audience had grown. Ben was unconcerned. Let them watch. Let them say they were there.

“I am uninterested in privacy. I want the pilot.”

“Well, I wish I could help you, but I don’t know any more Resistance pilots. I’ve been out of that game for a long time.”

From the huge open doors behind Lando, two TIE pilots pushed through the gathering crowd, escorting a small, withered creature with a nasty, grasping look about it. The trio approached Ben and the two black-clad figures shoved the little informant towards their leader. It fell to its knees, shrieking in exaggerated distress.

“Sir, this is the one who reported the criminal.”

“Where is he?” Ben asked the little thing.

The alien couldn’t speak the common tongue, but Ben understood. He held out his hand over its mottled head. When he found nothing additional of importance, he waved his hand to his men. 

“Pay him,” he ordered.

Ben looked over the departing pilots’ heads at Lando, holding the older man’s eyes for too long. 

“Where are the rest?”

“Supreme Leader, if you would just come inside…”

“Where are the rest?” Ben repeated, slowly.

Lando shouldn’t have been able to hear the words, Ben had spoken so quietly. But he knew that, were he half a world away, the question would ring in his ears like an alarm siren inches from his head. He stared back into Leia’s eyes.

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not? What do they mean to you?”

Lando was perplexed, what was the Supreme Leader asking asking him? His first instinct was, as always, to lie, smoothly, convincingly, but there would be no convincing the creature who stood before him.

“They don’t deserve whatever it is you’re going to do to them,” Lando replied, honestly. 

“You’re right.”

Lando watched the boy he had known as Ben Solo reach down and clutch his lightsaber. He saw the hand clench the grip, and, before Lando could breathe, Ben was gone. The Baron Administrator dropped to one knee, gasping and clutching his heart. He had to stop doing this. 

***  
The Knights were close now. They met on a planet near the fleet, having chosen it for the punishing and empty snowfields that capped the poles, whose magnetic fields disrupted any efforts at tracking or eavesdropping. They descended from their shuttles and greeted each other with a ritualistic, solemn gesture. They spoke very little as a rule. One by one, they removed their nightmare helmets to reveal two women and two men whose faces no one had seen in a decade. 

Snoke hadn’t trusted non-humans. He didn’t understand their motivations. But these four, them he understood. They were the selfish, the cruel and the arrogant. He had made them feel special, just like he had Ben Solo. They were all children of privilege, which delighted Snoke. He wanted to see the families of the New Republic humiliated by their offsprings’ betrayal, and he was not disappointed. Each rebellious child’s parents had retreated in shame from their political and social activities after the burning of the Jedi Temple, leaving critical vacancies in the Senate and the influential world of the Republic elite.

The Knights were there to discuss how best to take what they believed to be theirs. Snoke would want it this way, they told each other. It fell to them to ensure that the First Order continued to thrive. And to do that, the Skywalkers must die. There would always be questions, otherwise, doubts about the true end of the Jedi. And they had no use for questions. Their plan made, they each retreated to their own ships, and departed to wait, patiently, for the right moment to arrive.


	19. Chapter 19

In the cargo hold of the freighter, Rey practiced with her lightsaber. It was light and fast and felt so different in her hands from Anakin Skywalker’s bulky weapon. Joy filled her, a counter to the fear and frustration she felt when thinking of Ben, of the enormity and impossibility of the Resistance’s task. Is this what it was like for other Force users, she wondered? It wasn’t the power. Once she had seen what waited in the dark passage in the lake, her awakening and the power she held within her were no longer things to be feared. The Force no longer called to her from an unfamiliar place. She saw it all, the dark, the light, the pull between the two, and the conflict caused no rift in her heart. Anger, her own and others, didn’t frighten her any more than did joy or love or hate, since it was impossible for any one to exist without the other. She needed them all, especially now.

Chewie and Poe flew the ship. Rose and Finn came to watch Rey and were stunned by their friend, by her grace and ease with the new blade. She was no longer the girl Finn had met on Jakku, they didn’t have to be Jedi to know that. When she was waiting for them that morning on Bespin with her reforged Jedi weapon, she had changed. And now, it seemed that her abilities had grown far beyond anything they could have imagined, and they were a little afraid. For a moment, anyway. Rey must have felt them there, for she deactivated the saber and ran to where they stood, streaming with perspiration and smiling wildly. 

“Did you see that?? I had no idea I could do that! It just comes to me, ever since this.” 

She held up the handle. Rose laughed, the utter delight in Rey’s face and voice infectious. As Finn listened to the two of them exclaim over the lightsaber, he remained silent, frightened by the power he saw in Rey, even while grateful that his exuberant friend was still there.

“Finn! You haven’t said anything!” Rey turned to him, grinning. “What do you think? I’m still not exactly sure why it’s purple, but I don’t think it matters.”

She spun the hilt in her hand and ignited the plasma, all in one smooth motion too fast for them to follow. She was so entranced by the beam that she missed the hardening of Finn’s features, which turned his malleable and expressive face to stone.

“Poe says we’re coming up on Mirrin. He knows where to land, his Republic squadron used to be based here, but we’re going to have to avoid the base. We’ll set down in the city, in a trading bay.”

Rey stopped moving. She met Finn’s eyes under the crease of worry between his beetled brows.

“What’s wrong? You only make that face when you’re trying not to say something.”

He reached out for the saber and Rey placed it on his open palm.

“Rey, the Force. I’m afraid it’s going to take you away from us. You’re so much stronger now, the time’s coming when you’re going to have to use this. You haven’t been training for very long, you could get hurt.” 

“On Bespin, before I made this,” she touched her lightsaber. “The Force showed me who I am. I don’t feel the same conflict that Ben and Luke did, that the Jedi fought. I know my path. I’m not afraid, and you don’t have to be, either.” 

Rose and Finn exchanged a sharp, panicked glance. The hardness in his face melted, revealing the sweetness that always lay just underneath.

“It’s just that there’s no one left but us, and I can’t lose you, Rey. I know what you’re planning to do. You’re going back to Kylo Ren.”

Rey looked into Finn’s warm eyes, unsurprised and relieved that he knew. She could talk about it now. She sat down on a large crate of goods that Lando had supplied them as an excuse to dock at Mirrin

“I have to, Finn. I need to help him come back. Something has changed in him, and in me. I’ve seen him so many times. He’s not who you think, not anymore. Snoke took everything from him, hurt him, made him believe that he was only good for one thing. Snoke thought only a Skywalker could kill Luke, so he tried to destroy Ben Solo to make a weapon that could destroy the Jedi. But it didn’t work. He’s not just a Skywalker, or a Solo or a servant of the dark. He’s part of all of this, the Force is moving through him as it does through me, and it’s been shaping us for something. The real Ben is in there, fighting to find his way, and he’s in pain. I can show him what I learned, and we can find out what the Force wants of us together. We have to.”

Finn stared at her.

“How do you know all this?” 

“That night, when you saw us, he let me in. It was only a moment, but it was enough. I’ve seen his heart, Finn.”

She was angry at Ben, furious that he kept trying to make decisions for her, that he kept locking himself away, but once the shock of his retreat had worn off yet again, she understood why he had done it, why he had come to Bespin to find out where they were going. He was so afraid. But she had also read the book, the thinnest one, and she had understood the stories, the poems. When she returned from the cave, its knowledge was waiting for her and Ben.

“And what if he doesn’t come back? What will you do? Could you kill him if it meant stopping the First Order?”

“I will do what’s right. That’s all any of us can do.”

“We’re coming in on Mirrin Prime!” Poe shouted down the corridor.

They sat together quietly for a few moments, then slowly walked up to the main deck, not speaking. They all hoped that Rey was right.

 

***

Ben was back on the Finalizer. He knew Rey and the others were approaching Mirrin Prime. The hyperspace routes were well-established. He was certain they would try and liberate the former Republic base. He wouldn’t stop them. 

He landed his ship, disembarked and strode past Hux without sparing him a glance. 

“Supreme Leader! Did you find the pilot? Where is the Resistance??”

Ben didn’t answer. He knew this would infuriate Hux, and a small part of him still relished it. But more, just didn’t care. Once in his chambers, he dropped to his bed. He hadn’t killed Lando. He had kept his mother’s death a secret. He wasn’t going to tell Hux that the Resistance was on Mirrin. He wanted this to end and he knew that, for it to do so, the First Order had to fall. The Skywalker line, the heritage that had both defined and destroyed his life, had to end, too, but first it had to undo all that had been done in its name. He would complete what Vader had started, but not in the way Snoke had intended. 

When he had looked into the boy’s face in the infirmary, into Valasa’s, he saw all the casualties of his own war and of his family’s. The terror in their eyes was the same as that in the eyes of all those in the galaxy who had seen the First Order come to their homes, leaving nothing but ruin behind. The breach in his heart had shown him the uncrossable chasm between him and the other side, between him and Rey. He finally knew how far he had fallen, and now it was too late. But while he couldn’t embrace the light, neither would he be Snoke’s dagger nor the Skywalker scion, the son of Leia and Han, the nephew of Luke, the grandson of Vader. For the first time in his entire life, he knew who he was and what he had to do. Maybe it would bring him peace, even if he wouldn’t bring him happiness, with her. But still, there were the Knights.

***

Ben Solo had another grandfather, one who also died because of the fatal Skywalker legacy. In his life, Bail Organa had been a great champion of justice and the light. He had once said, “The simplest gesture of kindness can fill a galaxy with hope.” At the same time Organa’s grandson was morosely planning his own sacrifice, others on the ship knew that theirs were imminent, too. Word of Ben’s astonishing act of that vital kindness in the infirmary had spread. Valasa, upon hearing what he had done, spoke for him, as well, inciting taunting and derision for what her peers called delusions, but she didn’t care. He had been kind to her, and everyone would know it.

Those for whom Hux and his father’s barbaric conditioning hadn’t fully taken root were given new hope by these stories. They all knew of FN-2187, and among the men and women upon whose shoulders the harness of the First Order had chafed, they made plans, secretly, to follow in the man known as Finn’s footsteps. He had killed Phasma. They could free themselves, too. In his arrogance and pride, Hux had placed too much faith in fear overcoming hope. But hope, born of resistance and fostered by kindness, would be what set them free, they knew it.

***

The freighter, who the crew had taken to calling The General, touched down in a landing bay in the oldest part of the capital city’s trade district. Lando had sent them his contacts’ instructions, but he hadn’t given them names, only saying that Poe would be glad to see them. The Rebels were taking a lot on faith. Whoever they were meeting had told them where to dock, in a dark hangar adjacent to a disused warehouse that had been liberally tagged with old Rebellion graffiti. 

Rose met the portmaster alone. She had done this so many times before, and she was probably the least recognizable of all of them, even with the bounty, but she was still tooth-grindingly nervous. He boarded the ship at Rose’s invitation, cursorily checked the flight manifest and cargo records, made notes in his own portable console and, when he had finished, looked in Rose’s face, searchingly. Rose waited, hoping she wasn’t supposed to know a password or repeat a secret phrase she hadn’t learned.

“The pilot’s friend wants to see him.” The words were a whisper.

“What? Who is this friend? Why has he not given us a name? How do we know we can trust him??”

She couldn’t stop talking. She was so nervous.

“Tell the pilot to go to the black base,” the man said, cryptically.

“No! We can’t go to the base! It’s covered in Stormtroopers!”

The man gave Rose a pained look.

“Just tell him.”

Rose followed him out, watched him leave, shut the hatch and ran back to the cargo hold. She grabbed a large, perforated wall panel with both hands, lifted it, and set it aside, revealing a small side room where her friends waited in sweaty, uncomfortable closeness. Chewie was bent in half sideways trying to fit, Finn stuffed in his armpit.

“What did that mean??” Rose demanded of Poe, who fell out of the closet with an incandescent grin on his face.

“I know where my friends are.” 

He looked around, snapping his fingers to focus his thoughts. 

“We need disguises. With the bounties on our heads, our faces will be all over every holo in this city. Check everywhere on the ship. If we can’t find anything, we may have to steal some.”

But Lando had thought of everything. In the living quarters of the ship, the low drawers under the bunks were stuffed with old clothes, hooded jackets, cloaks, all they would need to make it into the city unobserved. And underneath the clothes, an excellent cache of small, easily concealed blasters.

“Thank you, Lando!” Finn said, pulling out a frayed and stained coat with a deep cowl. “Maybe,” he said, sniffing it. He dropped it on the floor, turned his head away and made a face.

Once they had liberally wrapped themselves up in the smelly outerwear and were concealed by hoods and hats, they grabbed their weapons, stowing Lando’s extras about their garments. The droids were to stay behind while Chewie kept watch outside.

“Don’t let anyone in,” Rey told them. “I’m securing all the doors, but we’ll leave you a comm in case you need us,” she told R2, 3PO and BB-8. “Stay safe.”

Poe led the way through the empty nighttime streets in the industrial area where they had landed until they reached a more crowded square. They were all grateful he knew the city.

“We’re going to blend in. Follow me, but not in a line.”

“Poe, where are we going?” Finn demanded.

“It’s a bar, where we used to meet before and after missions. It’s the hangout of the Black Squadron. When we didn’t hear from Snap or Jess after Crait, I knew something was wrong. But, I think they’re still alive, they must have come here looking for my old commander. I hope.”

Rey clutched her lightsaber in the long sleeve of her oversized coat. Its heavy leather hood made it hard for her to see, but she could use the Force to guide her way. She looked up to see where they were and stopped, suddenly. Rose and Finn crashed into her.

“What? What’s wrong?” Finn’s face popped over Rey’s shoulder and peered under her hood. Her eyes were huge, disbelieving, staring at the skyscrapers around her, white and gleaming, their lower floors blazing with advertisements and, occasionally, their faces. Finn and Rose’s eyes followed hers.

“Go, go!” Rose said in a voice fringed with panic, pushing the other two forward.

It must have been close to the time when the citizens ended their work day, as the thickening crowd kept separating them along the crowded pedestrian avenues. Poe was far ahead by this point, the other three lagging behind, afraid to raise their eyes enough to see from under their headwear. Rey stopped at one point to check for Rose and Finn, but she saw only strangers. She pushed through the crowd back to the lost pair, grateful that she didn’t have to only use her sight.

“Rose, Finn, hold hands. I’ll try and guide you.”

Rey concentrated hard and reached out to her friends, Poe in front, Finn and Rose behind. It took an eternal moment, and then she felt a long, thin thread connecting them. 

“Can you feel it? Can you see me?”

Rose’s eyes widened. 

“How are you doing that?”

Rey beamed.“I honestly have no idea! Come on, Poe is getting too far, we need to catch up.” 

Rey hurried forward, feeling the tug of her friends behind her. She had to fight the compulsion to shove aside everyone in her way and sprint. It was a eon before they made it to the shabby bar, set deep on an unappealing, smelly side street off the busy main road, Rey’s bond keeping them all together. She really liked the feeling of her friends so close and didn’t want let it go.

“What the hell was that??” Poe demanded, shuddering, once they shut the frosted glass door of the packed, noisy bar, and started to winnow their way to the back. Apparently, he didn’t feel the same way.

“Rose and Finn kept getting separated, I had to keep us all together.” 

“Well, ask next time. I felt like my heart was being pulled out of my…”

He stopped mid-sentence as he pushed open a door at the end of a dank hallway off the large main room. There, sitting around a small table dimly lit by a shabbily-shaded bulb, were Snap Wexley and Jessika Pava, the last two members of the Black Squadron. He rushed to both of them and all three embraced, exuberant in their relief and joy. They slapped each others’ backs so hard, Rey thought one of them would be propelled onto the floor.

Jessika was the first to get a word in. 

“By the Maker, it’s good to see you! We heard about what happened to the fleet after D’Qar, we thought you were dead until we saw the holo with your face. Who else is left? Is the General with you?? What happened?”

Jessika searched the grieving faces of Poe’s friends as they took off their coats, then her own fell as understanding dawned. 

“She gone, isn’t she?”

Poe nodded, so weary, then grew visibly upset.

“Why didn’t you answer when we called? We sent a message from Crait before the First Order totally wiped us out. No one responded, we were trapped until Rey and Chewie came and saved our asses.” 

He gestured at Rey behind him.

The two pilots shared a confused look. Snap looked at Poe, obviously distressed.

“What message?? It’s only us, we’re the only ones left. Jess and I came here after Starkiller. We got a distress call that the First Order was occupying Republic military outposts. When they took the base, we were the only ones who made it out. There was no one left to hear you. No one who could help you, anyway. What happened on Crait?”

Poe was deeply disturbed by the news, but also a little relieved, knowing his friends hadn’t abandoned them. 

“We were followed through hyperspace when we evacuated the fleet. We were running out of fuel but had enough to make it to an old Rebel base on Crait. We thought the First Order couldn’t see our shuttles thanks to Rose, here, but we were sold out and they destroyed most of our remaining ships. A few of us made it to the planet, but they followed us. In the end, only the General and about 20 others were left. Admiral Holdo sacrificed herself. She jumped into hyperspace in the middle of the First Order fleet and destroyed the Supremacy and a bunch of destroyers.”

Jessika and Snap sat down in their chairs hard, too stunned to respond. 

Rey sat next to Jessika at the table, took the pilot’s hand and just held it for a moment. Jessika looked surprised at first that this strange woman would do this, but something seemed to occur to her as she studied Rey’s face, and she pulled away, her cheeks red. 

Finn was standing behind Poe this whole time, waiting to speak. After giving everyone a few minutes to process what Poe had told them, he cleared his throat and walked over to Jessika and Snap, holding out his hand. They stood up and each took his hand in turn.

“Finn. We met on D’Qar. This is Rose, who I think you might know, and Rey, who you haven’t met yet, but you’ve probably heard about her. You were gone by the time we came back from Starkiller.”

Rose’s eyes had widened again. She’d seen the members of the Black Squadron, knew who they were, of course, but hadn’t met them in person. They were legends. She hugged both of the startled pilots. 

“I’m so happy to meet you! I know everything you’ve done. But not in a creepy way.” 

Rose blushed and went to hide behind Finn. 

Jessika and Snap shared an amused look, then turned and stared at the seated Rey. This was her, the one who flew the Millennium Falcon, who was taken by Kylo Ren and escaped. She had gone to find Luke Skywalker, and now, she was here, with a lightsaber hooked on her belt. 

“Did you find Luke Skywalker?” Snap burst out. He had to know. Jessika’s mouth was open, this woman was sent to find her hero.

“Are you a Jedi?” Jessika asked, a little breathlessly.

“Yes, I did. And I’m just Rey.” She stood and shook their hands, too, wondering how she was going to tell these two hopeful souls of the Jedi Master’s final act. She sat again and gestured for them to do the same.

“I’m afraid Luke is gone,” she said, sadly. “He sacrificed himself for us, too, to give us time to escape on Crait.”

“By the Maker, what else haven’t we heard?” Jess’ eyes brimmed. “We’ve had no contact with anyone from the Resistance. We’ve been in hiding. Kare,” she gestured at Snap, Kare’s husband, “is scouting other bases to see if there are any still unoccupied. Lando Calrissian only found us through an agent of his who knew where Republic pilots used to hang out from when he’d conduct business on the base. The owner of the bar lets us in through the back door sometimes. He gave us Lando’s message. We’re in terrible danger if anyone knows we’re here.”

“What’s new? We’re constantly in terrible danger,” Poe shrugged. 

Finn groaned and dropped into a chair. The others followed.

“We need your help,” Rey said, leaning in and resting her forearms on the table, looking right at Jess and Snap. “We have to liberate your base. We can end this. I have a plan.”

Everyone looked at Rey in surprise. She had mentioned no plan.

“And what is this plan you failed to mention to any of us?” Finn demanded.

“If we can reclaim the base, we can use the First Order ships there to get us onto the Finalizer.”

Poe laughed. Finn looked horrified, Rose resigned. 

“I’m sorry, you want us to do what, now?” Snap was unamused. 

“I have to get to the Finalizer. Kylo Ren...he’s the key to all this. Snoke is dead, I saw him die, Kylo Ren killed him to save me. I must go to him. He and I, we are meant to bring an end to this war. There’s something you don’t know. Kylo Ren is Ben Solo, Leia and Han’s son.”

They all stared at Rey. After a long while of silence, Jessika spoke.

“Damn. What the hell happened to y’all out there?”


	20. Chapter 20

Ben entered his quarters, sweating and bruised. He’d returned to the largest training center the day before, the arena where he’d almost killed the young man. He’d watched for awhile, hulking, silent, and inscrutable in black, unnerving the cadets and officers so much that, of the dozens of sparring pairs, more than a few noses were broken because their owners were too distracted to avoid blows that would never have otherwise landed. 

“Stop.”

The pairs skittered away from the floor as Ben, his face thunderous, untied his doublet, tossed it aside, grabbed a staff and strode to the center of the now-empty circle painted on the floor, one of dozens around the arena. As everyone watched, unable to leave, unable to exert any control over their own fates, he’d picked out two cadets, a hungry-looking young woman who he could tell had a point to prove, and a hulking young man whose over-abundance of swagger only thinly disguised the fear that clung to him. Both were given staffs and ordered to fight, not each other, but Ben. It took some coaxing.

“Come on! COME ON! It’s two against one, fight me! That’s an order!”

He circled the two troopers, arms wide, almost daring them to try and touch him. The woman charged first, fierce but uncontrolled. She swung wildly and left herself open to side assaults. The man, following, was overly reliant on his physical strength and had no form or confidence. Both assumed it would end the way it had for the other cadet, maybe this time in death, but they’d had no choice, so they each tried to at least leave a mark, anything that might punctuate their lives with something other than nameless failure. The man first noticed that Ben was pulling his strikes, stopping his staff millimeters from inflicting debilitating damage. And with each strike, he seemed to be teaching them. Whispers spread through the throng, and the officers didn’t try to silence them.

“No,” he shouted at the woman, who overreached with each blow, trying to reach her much taller opponent by wielding the staff like a club. Ben knocked it away so hard it flew out of her hands and into the crowd, nearly striking a group of cadets who barely ducked in time. Someone tossed it back to her. “Use your opponent’s height against him. Don’t lean forward. Keep your arms in, left hand to left hip. Strike low and protect your flank.”

“Again,” he commanded, circling the pair, his staff pointed at them in a half taunt.

The man ran with a shout and hammered Ben’s upraised staff with repeated overhead blows. Ben juked, spun and, with a backhand swing, tapped his opponent’s back with his staff, lessening his momentum at the last moment to avoid injury, but hitting with enough force to send the man staggering forward.

“Strength means nothing without speed. Lower your center of gravity and use your legs to power your swing, not your arms. Don’t leave your chest open. Again.”

And on this went until the woman ducked a wide swing and brought her staff up under Ben’s outstretched arm and into his ribs. He grunted and stumbled, clutching his side. The woman dropped her staff and Ben pulled it to his hand almost before it hit the ground. She recoiled, stiff with terror, but held his gaze as he approached her, her face white, her eyes wide.

“Good,” he nodded. “Good.”

He turned from her. Relief flooded her face, and she smiled as her team surrounded her, slapping her back in congratulations, both for doing well and for striking Kylo Ren and surviving to tell the tale. 

“You.” 

He pointed at another woman and threw her the staff. And so it went, each cadet being replaced only as they succeeded in landing a blow or were too exhausted to proceed, Ben never seeming to tire. It was only when the lights dimmed signifying an end to the shift did he replace his staff and look around the room at the press of cadets that had quadrupled in size as word spread of what was transpiring. 

“Tomorrow. We will continue tomorrow.”

He took his doublet which had been offered to him by a girl with a face so young she would still have been called a child had her childhood not been destroyed. As his hand closed around his garment, he looked into her eyes, then wished he hadn’t. Her gaze, deep and empty save for a tiny glimmer of buried independence, held little fear, but also little life. He gently pushed his mind into hers and stirred her memories. She backed away, a startled look in her eyes, and he wished he had just left her alone. As he left the hall, he averted his eyes from those of the hundreds of people ringing the room. His perception felt skewed, his surroundings strange. 

It was much the same on the second day. The crowd was so large by the time he arrived they barely fit in the arena. By the end of the shift, he was light-headed and disoriented. Dehydration, he thought. But, before he entered his quarters, he felt it. The door slid open, he entered and there was Luke, hands clasped behind his back, rocking slightly on his heels. He didn’t turn to greet his nephew.

“Having fun?”

“Go back to where you came from, old man,” Ben said, unbuckling his belt and throwing it on the bed next to where he had dropped his doublet. His lightsaber rested nearby. He hadn’t taken it with him. Luke turned to his nephew, disappointment plain in the lines of his brow.

“Feeble. And you think this is going to, what, save everyone, if you die, if you make some grand sacrifice after liberating everyone? Undo everything that has been done in our family’s name if the Skywalkers are no more? You still don’t get it, do you??”

“Damn the Skywalker name! Damn you and your father and the Force!” 

On the last word, Ben picked up a small glass pyramid that sat on a table next to the head of his bed and hurled it across the room so hard it cracked the inner window on the far wall. Then he spun to face his uncle.

“I finally understand what has to be done!”

“No, you don’t. That’s the problem. You always think you have the answer, but you don’t. You react, you respond with your hurt and pain and never with the love I know is still in there somewhere. I watched you, I watched as you went to that kid and that woman, watched as you let Lando go, as you taught those soldiers how to fight. I watched you make a choice, each time. You need to make that same choice now. Don’t die. Fight to live. Fight for her. Don’t. Let. Go.”

Ben’s eyes were so haunted, his uncle finally took pity on him.

“Kid, you’re lucky. You know that? She gets it, she gets what I was trying to tell you. She went to the kyber cave. She saw the same things you saw when you were there, the light and the dark, but she didn’t fight. She didn’t have to. She knows they’re the same thing, and that the war in you is because you know, too. You’re not fighting to keep out the light, you’re fighting to keep in the dark. Water always seeks its level. So, too, does the Force.” 

Luke stood up. He had to go. He had to let Ben wrangle this out on his own. It was the will of the Cosmic Force. Being dead gave him significant insight.

“I’ll be keeping an eye on you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for letting you down. I’m sorry for not fighting for you until it was too late. I never learned from my failures, Ben, don’t make the same mistake. Rey won’t disappoint you as I did.” 

He started walking towards the back of the room. He paused and gave his nephew a long look, one full of concern and, much to Ben’s surprise, love. As his light grew fainter, the last thing Ben heard his uncle, the great Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master, say was, “see you around, kid,” but this time, it was a kindly promise, not a taunt. 

Ben watched his uncle go. He sat on the edge of his bed, then let himself lie back, feeling the deep quiet of his room, the beat of his racing heart, the crush of emotions barely kept at bay. He stared at the ceiling, knowing that, when he closed his eyes, she would be there. She had always been there. Even now, he could see her face, so close to his, so open, so full of hope. He sat up, swung his feet to the floor, sighed, rested his forearms on his thighs and calmed his breathing. He hadn’t done that in a long time, but he was scared. Then, slowly, he reached in, tentatively at first, then more deeply, feeling the waters. And he let them rise.

***

They slept that night at Jessika’s home, a tenement deep in the city’s poorest district, all tall, identical, grubby white buildings with few windows, reeking of despair and waste. No one looked too closely at anyone here, it was dangerous to know what business was happening next door. They’d had to go back to check on the droids and Chewie first, after leaving the bar. Chewie volunteered to sleep on the General as Jess said her place would barely fit the humans. R2 and 3-PO were convinced to stay with Chewie, but BB-8 would have none of it. He followed closely as Poe gathered his things, bumping into him at first and then resorting to shocking him until Poe finally relented. But BB-8 couldn’t just roll through the streets, he was the most infamous droid in the galaxy. So, they packed him into one of Lando’s smuggling crates, stole a wheeled cart from a neighboring hangar, loaded the droid up and hauled him the whole long way back to the tenements. They were all exhausted by the time they arrived back at Jess’ tiny rooms, cursing the cheapness of whoever owned the cart for not having sprung for one with a repusorlift. Fortunately, illegal goods were so common in the neighborhood that almost no one looked at at the giant, beeping crate more than once. For those who did look a second time, the click of a blaster safety being released was enough to send them on their way. 

Once Jess’ door hissed shut, they all dropped to the floor, the release of adrenaline leaving them shaky and over-emotional. Fortunately, Snap had brought some ale from the bar in his knapsack, and they drank in silence until the bottles were empty. The apartment had few furnishings, but, after the drinks were finished, everyone climbed into what seats were available and made themselves comfortable.

It took hours to tell Jess and Snap everything that had happened since they flew away from Starkiller, and, according to the two pilots, the battle to take the base on the planet had been equally bloody, wiping out whatever hopes they’d had for rejoining the fleet. Neither could help but feel a mixture of guilt and relief that they had survived both battles. It meant they were here, now, forming a plan, which gave them some hope, but there was always the idea that, if they had been there with the others in the fleet, it might have changed the outcome. Poe read their faces. He got up to sit next to Jess, and put his arm around her shoulders.

“There’s nothing you could have done,” he told them. “If you’d been there, you’d be dead and we’d have nowhere to go.”

Rey, who hadn’t taken a seat, looked out tiny, dirty window, half listening to the conversation behind her, watching the constant stream of illicit activity on the street below. The link she had formed with her friends and the cross-city journey with the droid had drained her, and her inability to shed the nervous energy of the past weeks was making her miserably restless. The noise, the smell, the constant press of bodies...she had to clench her teeth to fight back the urge to scream. She just needed some quiet. She pulled Jess aside while the others cast around for something to eat.

“Does this building have a roof?” 

Jess nodded, understanding the frayed look on Rey’s face. She gestured for the other woman to follow her, slipped out the door and walked Rey down the hall to the the end, where another door stood slightly ajar, its control panel long gone and only trailing wires remaining. 

“Make sure to prop the door open up there or you might get locked out. Or not.”

Like Rose had before, Jess mimed what she thought using the Force looked like, open hand, fingers slightly bent, arm tense. 

Rey laughed, thanked Jess and pulled open the door along its track. She climbed the stairs for an epoch until the last landing appeared in the dusty darkness. She slid a half-size door open, crouched and walked out onto the black roof, which was still warm from the heat of the day. She could feel it through her boots. A slight breeze stirred her loose hair, the air cooler above the choke below. She took out her saber and lit it. As the hum calmed her, she closed her eyes and saw steps appear like instructions in her mind. She moved slowly at first, and then faster and faster until she was charging the air around her. She didn’t know from where the forms came. She just seemed to know how to move with the blade, like it was her partner in an ancient dance. And it was wonderful. All of her fatigue and fear and agitation rose with the heat from the roof and dissipated into the cooling night air.

She had just begun a third set of forms when she felt a slight pull, somewhere behind her eyes. Then silence fell. She lowered her arms and cast about desperately until she saw Ben in a dim corner of the roof. He was sitting on something she couldn’t see, hunched over, elbows on knees, head in hands, fingers tensed in hair. His gloves and doublet were off and a thin shirt stretched across his shoulders, making him seem exposed, almost vulnerable. She hadn’t seen him since he told her to stay away. She felt him, she always felt him, but there had been no attempt from either end at a connection between them. The Force had brought them together this time. Apparently, Rey thought, she wasn’t the only one who thought he was being a stubborn ass.

Again, she noticed him feel her before he saw her, just slightly bracing himself when he realized he was being observed. He dropped his hands, lifted his head, stood up and slowly walked towards her. She watched his approach, wondering which Ben she’d see this time.

“Is that it?” He gestured at her lightsaber.

Rey was startled by his demeanor. He looked calmer, the rage so long visible behind his eyes gone, replaced by something she couldn’t quite look hard enough to see. His tone was new and oddly conversational, but without the typical undercurrent of condescension. He always managed to make her feel a little off-kilter with his unpredictability, but, this time, it didn’t irritate her, it didn’t make her feel as though he were trying to antagonize, disorder or discomfit her. His calmness seemed genuine, like it had that night by the fire. She scratched her forehead to hide her face a little. Everything showed there.

“Yes, I made it, on my own, like you said. I had a vision. I went to the cave, the one with the voices. It was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen.”

As she held up her weapon for him to see, her face bloomed with joy, pride and wonder. She was still surprised by the saber in her hands, that it was hers, that the Force led her to create this beautiful thing. She cradled it with such care that he was suddenly jealous. She was so guileless in her happiness.

He picked up the saber. It never seemed to strike her that this might be an awfully foolish thing to allow him to do, but it struck him. After briefly examining it, he handed it back, gently laying the hilt across her open, waiting palms, jealousy surging a little as she wrapped her fingers around it and hooked it onto her belt.

“I’m very impressed. You have no master, and yet, you still know more about the Force than I seemingly ever have.”

“What do you mean?”

“Kyber resists the dark. I forced my crystal and it fights back against what I’ve done to it. I bent it to my will as I’ve bent myself to others’.”

Rey searched Ben’s face, wondering what could possibly have happened to lead him to verbalize such a painful self-assessment. While she felt the usual groundswell of sympathy, she responded only with honesty.

“Imagine who you could have been if you hadn’t been forced to bend.” 

“I know who I could have been. But then, we wouldn’t be here.”

Nonplussed, Rey realized she had, honestly, never thought about it that way. If he hadn’t been taken by the dark, would she have risen, as she had, to the light? She knew the Force had always been with her, in her, but how would her path have been different had it not been for this? Was she, like Ben, just a tool of the Force and those who manipulated it? She felt some outrage at being, yet again, an unwitting pawn in someone else’s endless, invisible game, a game that had killed so many, destroyed so much. She tilted her head, thinking for a moment, and he could see the process she was undergoing. It had been his, too, for so long. But then, she looked up, her pragmatism and optimism uncowed even by the Force.

“Maybe we would have just met under different circumstances? Maybe the Force would have brought us together for some other purpose?”

Ben laughed, a surprised, real laugh.

“Like what?”

Rey blushed a little and laughed back, but didn’t answer. Her face grew serious.

“R2 told me that the Skywalkers came to bring balance to the Force. Is that true? That Anakin Skywalker had no father. Or is that just a myth? I always thought Luke was a myth, too.” 

Now, he was surprised.

“Yes, my grandfather was born of the Force. His mother knew this, long before she knew it had a name.” 

“Did she love him, his mother?”

“Yes, she did. Her death, among other things, drove him to the dark side.”

“And your grandmother, Padme, she loved him?”

He wasn’t expecting her to know his grandmother’s name. For some reason, it moved him.

“Yes. I believe she did. Very much. My mother always said so.” He looked down as he said this, the pain of his mother’s passing and her loss of hope in him burrowing barbs in his chest that could never be extracted.

“But he didn’t love them,” Rey said, not quite a statement, not quite a question.

Ben’s head snapped up. He looked shocked, angry, and not a little wounded.

“All he did was love them. He went to the dark for his wife, to keep her safe, to keep what happened to his mother from happening to her. To keep them together. Love destroyed him.”

Rey shook her head sadly, understanding the endless cycle that had culminated in the tortured man standing before her. This was where it all lay, the root of all they had suffered, a broken-hearted child who desperately missed his mother, who clung to what he thought was love so tightly it withered and died. She gingerly reached out to Ben and put her hands on his clenched fists where they hung by his sides. She gently squeezed, urging them, and him, to relax. She felt her own hands shake a little while doing this. Her feelings were close to the surface now, almost too much to restrain. 

“Fear destroyed him as it’s destroying you. We can’t be so afraid of losing what we love that we allow that fear to drive it away. We have to love while we can, and trust those we love to come back to us, to stand by us, not because they have to, but because they want to. It’s all gone too soon to turn away when love is offered.” 

She paused, breathing heavily, as she decided what to do with the words that beat against her breast. Her parents. His parents. They hadn’t come. She looked down to gather herself, at his feet, his hands, his chest. She lifted her face, her eyes following until they, at last, met his. Rose had been so right, seeing in a moment what Rey knew she hadn’t been ready to accept until now. 

“And when you love back.”

Ben looked into her upturned face, which wore the same expression it had on the elevator to Snoke, the urgent optimism there both a comfort and a torment. He held her gaze, a question burning his tongue.

“Will you come back? Will you stand by me?” 

His voice was soft now, a whispered gleam of hopefulness almost banked by fear. But he was fighting. 

“Always,” she replied.

She was so close to him now. She wasn’t letting go. Even though she was, in reality, so very far away from him, her light surrounded them both. He was full of it. 

“What I saw, on the day we met, I was right. You’ll never be as strong as Darth Vader. But you can be as strong as Anakin Skywalker was, in the end. We all face the choice every day, to live in love, or to live in fear. They are the light and the dark. They will always exist side by side, in us. But I will always choose love.”

They stood there, faces a breath apart, lost for the moment in their pounding hearts and unspoken desire. All they wanted was each other, to cross that divide between them. Her hope had tried to bring him over so many times. This time, it was his. 

He let go of one of her hands and lifted his to her face. He smiled at the wildness of her hair, always trying to break free. He smoothed it away from her forehead, tracing her brow and temple lightly with his fingertips until he was gently holding her face, like he had a thousand times in his dreams, and hers. The air stilled, as did their breath. He leaned down and gently met her lips with his. She was salty with tears, his and her own. For one moment, joy consumed them. All the universe was found in that kiss, all the hope, all the belonging, all the balance, all the love. 

Their lips parted, and they stood for a long while, unable to look from each others’ faces, to speak, to think, to understand the profound rightness that enveloped them. Ben knew, however, that their time would end soon, and he wanted something else, something he’d never dared ask of anyone.

“Will you...will you stay with me, for a while?” he asked her, still uncertain whether this, their bond forged by hate and evil and kept alive by love and hope, was strong enough to bear his need. His vulnerability, so raw, scarred her as she had scarred him, tearing into her heart and leaving it to bleed.

“Yes,” Rey whispered. 

As she stood, her hand in his, he kneeled, facing her. There he rested, utterly still, not wanting to frighten her with his want, but he needn’t have worried. She brought her hands up and began to stroke his hair, his neck, his face. He leaned into her embrace, lifting his arms and wrapping them around her until, at the small of her back, he grabbed fistfulls of her loose shirt in his hands and pulled her to him. She let out a small sob and clutched his shoulders and arms, reveling in his strength and nearness.

Then, she kneeled, and they bent to each other. She covered him, holding him as tightly as he was holding her, his head now resting in her lap, his arms tight around her waist. He was warm and alive under her hands, she was giving and real in his. Neither had known how much they had ached to hold each other, feel each other until this moment. Her tears dropped onto his shirt, through which she could feel all of his pain, his anger, his longing release as the sobs wracked his body. She clung to him and he to her, his darkness to her light, deep into the night.

***

As the Knights waited, they reached out, each of them looking for the man they had called Kylo. He was there, but distant, somehow. Then they felt it, they felt his weakness. And something else. Someone else. They were together. The girl, Skywalker’s apprentice, and Kylo Ren. The Force had somehow led them to each other. That would make this much easier.


	21. Chapter 21

Finn was the first to wake the next morning. He always rose with the dawn, a rude throwback to his Stormtrooper days when they slept in four hour shifts. He tucked Rose’s feet back into her blanket and left Jess’ bare, dim little bedroom that she’d given to him and Rose. He looked around the small apartment for Rey, and, when he didn’t find her, climbed to the roof where he knew his friend must have fallen asleep. He was panting by the time he reached the top. They didn’t have a lot of stairs on star destroyers. After bending over to catch his breath for a minute or two, he scouted around the chilly roof for Rey, just able to see by the faint light of dawn. He found her lying in a sheltered corner, curled up with her knees pulled to her chest, like a child. He sighed. She looked so young. He wanted to pick her up and make everything all right.

“Rey?” he said, gently shaking her.

She woke with a start, then looked around frantically, searchingly. Realization broke. 

“He’s gone,” she said, slumping back against the low wall.

Finn sat next to her and wrapped her in his arms, trying to warm her as well as soothe her. Her arms were freezing. 

“You saw him, didn’t you?”

Rey turned to Finn and nodded. 

“So that’s where we are,” he said, tilting his head back and forth to scan her from all angles. It was so plain on her face, he didn’t have to look very hard.

Rey grabbed his shoulders. 

“Finn, we need to take that base. I have to get to him. Something is going to happen. I saw it, just for a moment. He’s going to fight on his own. He wants to die.”

Finn secretly felt that this wouldn’t be such a terrible idea. He didn’t say it, of course. But, when he looked in her face and saw the love plain there, he knew that he’d have to set aside his own anger and fear for her. If Ben Solo came back, that is.

“Last night, after you came up here, we hatched a plan. Come down, we’ll tell you about it.”

Finn stood up first, and reached his hand down to Rey. He pulled her up and gave her another hug, as though to give her a store from which to draw when things grew rough. They held on for a moment, and Rey was so glad she wasn’t alone any more. But Ben was.

When they tried to open the door to the staircase, it was locked. Finn hadn’t propped it open. Rey looked pointedly at him, reached out her hand and the door unlocked. They both laughed as the door slid open. The others were eating breakfast when the two rejoined them. Neither of them spoke of what had passed on the roof. 

“So, here’s the plan,” said Jess. “There are only seven of us and the droids. We’re all going to have to do our part.” 

Rose took over. 

“Once we get in, the biggest thing we have to do is disable their communications. If they can send a message to the fleet or anyone for help, we’re sunk. Finn and I still have our First Order uniforms, so I can sneak in through the back gate. It’s only controlled by a panel, so BB-8 and I can open it while Rey enters from the front. Once I’m inside, I’ll steal a tech uniform if I can and make my way to a comm panel to disable the relays. But, we also need to keep any ships we’re not using from taking off after us.”

Snap got up to pace. 

“There’s over 200 Stormtroopers, techs and support personnel on the base. That’s way too many for us to take by force. But, Rey, if you can neutralize the guards at the main gate and get to the hangar door controls, which are right inside the main entry, Jess and I can draw whoever isn’t already trapped in the other hangars into 4 and lock them in. She and I will pretend to sneak around the base until we’re caught and thrown in the brig. Rose will let us out and we’ll draw the troopers to us by splitting off in two directions. Without comms or door control, they won’t be able to stop us or report us, and we’ll have a chance to get to the transports and reach the Finalizer.”

Rey was taken aback. 

“Us? Allow us to reach the Finalizer? I’m going alone.”

They all made annoyed sounds, gestured dramatically and rolled their eyes. 

“Why does everyone always say that? That’s not how this works! We will never let one of our own go alone, and it’s useless to fight. We choose to go. I need to go.” Jess looked indignant as she spoke, as though the idea of being left behind offended her.

“Thank you,” Rey replied, gratefully, humbled. In the recent months, she’d learned in so many ways that loving people meant that their battles were your own and, while she’d fight to the death for anyone she loved, it still amazed her that others were willing to do the same.

“Besides, I can’t take sitting around here waiting any more. What weapons did you bring?” Snap asked the group.

“Well, Chewie has his bowcaster, the rest of us have blasters, and Rey has her lightsaber and a blaster,” Poe replied.

“It’ll have to do. I wish we had grenades, though,” Jess said, looking wistful. 

“Nothing changes,” Poe laughed.

“We’ll attack tonight, when the fourth shift, which is the smallest of the rotations, takes over. We can lock the rest of them in their bunks once we get access to the door controls. Okay, let’s go have a look.” Jess said, handing out her two pairs of macrobinoculars and then attaching the site to her blaster. 

“I’ll let Chewie know our plan, we can go get him at dusk,” Poe offered, holding out his hand so Rey could give him the comm. “He’ll want to be there.”

They all dressed in their rags again and filtered into the street traffic one at a time. The base wasn’t far, it only took 30 or so minutes to walk there. The two pilots directed them to an alley behind a tall building that was as near to the base’s gate as they could get. A large door faced the alley and Snap tapped the control panel to see if it was still armed. A red light flashed and the door remained closed. An indecently happy expression decorated Jess’ face as she turned to Rey.

“Rey, do you think you can get it open? We can see the base from the roof.”

Rey reached out and touched the keypad, running her mind down the circuitry attached to the door to trigger the release. The door sighed open. 

“That was so cool,” Jess sighed. Poe laughed and slapped her on the back. Rey wondered if they were all covered in bruises from the slapping.

They climbed the stairs to the roof, noting on their way up that the building was empty. Jess told them that many shops and businesses had shuttered rather than serve the First Order when the base was overrun. From the roof they had a good view of the structure and its access points. The main structure was one large, long, rectangle, bisected by a high-ceilinged corridor running the full length, closed on either end by fortified bay doors. Large hangars were positioned in each of the four corners. It was well-staffed and heavily armored, surrounded by a high wall of wire. But there was only one gate. 

“Uh, guys? Where’s the back gate?” Rose asked.

“Dammit. They were faster than I thought,” said Snap. “The last time we were here, it was still there.”

“It looks like it’s just wire. My lightsaber will be able to cut through, but it will be really visible in the dark,” Rey suggested.

Snap furrowed his brow, thought for a minute, and then turned to the group.

“Okay, new plan. We’re going to make a delivery. What cargo were you carrying for Lando?”

***

Things on the Finalizer and throughout the fleet had not been going well. Insubordination was rife. Hux was at a loss to understand why his troops were suddenly shirking their duties and orders and acting counter to their conditioning. There had been a number of instances of outright defiance. One young cadet had taken the baton with which she was being disciplined by her superior and turned it on the officer, breaking his jaw. Several of the corps had to be executed publicly to reinforce the rule of order. Hux’s methods had worked so well for so long, he saw no reason to believe that stricter punishments wouldn’t bring back order, but there was a gnawing doubt in his unimaginative mind. Whereas before, no Trooper would dare to meet his eyes, everywhere he went, he was pierced by the gaze of blank-faced young men and women who continued to stare at him long after he had passed them by. It was unnerving. He called his senior officers to the meeting room off of the bridge.

“My loyal officers, I’ve asked you here today to inform you that we must rein in this lack of discipline that is infecting our forces. It has come to my attention that, on a number of occasions, Troopers have violated direct orders and, in one case, assaulted a senior officer. I command you to regain control of your squadrons. Any officer who has dissent in their ranks will answer to me.”

“Don’t you mean they’ll answer to me? I am the Supreme Leader, after all.”

Hux whirled around. Kylo Ren stood behind him, an unreadable expression on his face. 

“You are dismissed,” Ren said the assembled men and women with such finality that the officers practically clawed their way out of the door. When the last officer had scrabbled his way into the hall, Hux stood and tried to craft an air of indifference over the interruption. It didn’t work. 

“Why did you recall the Knights of Ren?” Ren went on, as calmly as though he were asking if Hux had a new hat, instead of confirming that the General had signed his death warrant. Hux tried to upend the conversation and discomfit his opponent as much as he had been by this change in demeanor.

“Supreme Leader, I have grown concerned regarding your behavior of late. You have been absent, unavailable when on the ship, and seemingly uninterested in the duties left to you by your....predecessor.” This last was spoken with just a hint of accusation. 

“My predecessor largely ignored the routine operation of this ship unless it involved one of his personal projects. I now intend to involved myself more deeply in the daily affairs of the First Order.”

Hux couldn’t conceal his horror. 

“This ship and the fleet have always been under my command. My troops…”

“Yes, your troops. I understand they’ve been...problematic of late.”

How in the hell did he know that? Hux wondered. What had he been doing in his quarters?? Damn mind-readers.

“It’s under control. My officers will maintain order.”

“How? By threat of execution? No. I think a different method is called for. Maybe my presence will do what yours could not.”

Ren turned to leave.

“Supreme Leader, I must object…”

“You must?” Ren looked back, holding Hux’s gaze until Hux dropped his eyes. “The Knights will be here very soon. I have felt it. Then we’ll see where their loyalties lie.”

Ren turned and walked out. Hux sank into the captain’s chair at the head of the table, drew his face into a scowl and slammed his fist on the table. This had not gone as he’d planned.

*** 

As Ben Solo left the furious Hux behind, he mentally calculated the odds of his plan going terribly awry. They were very high. There were five Knights of Ren remaining, including him. Kylo Ren’s usefulness as a Skywalker had saved him, the mighty blood of Darth Vader had buffered him against the ultimate brutality Snoke brought down upon his other protege. Since the original seven pupils from the Temple had joined the order of Ren, Snoke had pushed them so far, breaking their minds and bodies, that two were gone. Ben remembered one pupil who, when ordered to kill his family, including his Force-sensitive young sister, in order to stop the spread of the light and to destroy any remaining ties, had ended his own life. It hadn’t mattered. His family was murdered despite his sacrifice. One Knight had disappeared, shut off from the Force, her family and all trace of her gone. This was the first time Ben had envied her. 

Now he had to understand why Hux’s troops were defying their leader. On a ship the size of the Finalizer, it was difficult to ascertain the significance of sensed emotions. But the thought patterns to which he’d become so accustomed were now jagged and uncertain, and seemed to elevate the typical quiet fury of the ship’s occupants to a volatile level. He made his way towards the practice arena where he had almost ended the cadet’s life and now had a legion of troopers eager to win his favor. As usual, the massive room was filled with cadets, Stormtroopers and officers and, also as usual, it fell silent when he entered. 

“Supreme Leader, do you wish to have the floor cleared...” The training officer in charge hurried over to him, concern in his eyes.

“Come with me.” 

The confused man had no choice but to obey. He was led to a private room near the arena, one of thousands of like rooms on the ship, for use by officers. It had a long table and was surrounded by tall chairs. It was incredibly claustrophobic. As the door shut behind him, the officer stared at Ben with a hunted expression. He was not an clever man, neither was he cruel nor compassionate. He understood order, and that had been disrupted. He couldn’t imagine what new disruptions were going to occur now. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you. I just need information. Sit down. What is causing the sudden insubordination amongst the ranks?”

“Sir, I don’t know what you mean. General Hux’s methods are….”

Ben stood across from the man, leaned forward until his knuckles were resting on the table, looked him in the eyes and asked again.

“Why are your men and women disobeying the General and his officers?”

The man, whose name was Tullen, sat transfixed.

“Because of you, sir, and because of FN-2187.”

Ben straightened, startled.

“How so?”

“You begged forgiveness of the boy. You show concern for the troopers. You upset the order of things.”

“And FN-2187?”

“He defied the Order, sir, and killed Phasma. If he could do this, so could they.”

Solo dug into the man’s mind, stunned. “How do you know this? 

“I am required to monitor my cadet’s communiques.”

Ben didn’t understand.

“Are you also not required to report any aberrant behavior to your superiors?”

Tullen was also, thankfully for his subordinates, not imaginative, either.

“They have broken no rules, sir. We all know of these deeds. It has not been forbidden to speak of them.”

Ben let out the breath he’d sucked in moments earlier. It was likely only not forbidden because the officers who knew of Ben’s activities had been too frightened or confused to report them to their superiors, and most of the people who had witnessed Phasma’s fight with FN-2187 were dead. But not all, apparently.

“You may go.”

Tullen’s eyes took a moment to refocus. 

“Thank you, sir,” he said, fleeing.

Ben sat and thought for a long time, there in that tiny room. When he’d awoken hours earlier, alone in his quarters, he’d reached for Rey, having dreamt they’d truly been together, that she was there in his arms, and not risking her own death on Mirrin. Much as she had, he’d panicked upon waking and not finding her near. At first, he’d tried to instinctively shut out the pain of her absence, before remembering that she wasn’t gone, and neither was her love. He’d accepted her gift, and returned it. The pain gradually subsided, until he felt something akin to happiness. She knew him, she truly saw him, and she still loved him. He didn’t need to fear the pain, because he now had someone with whom he could share it. He’d never truly be alone again.

Through her determination, he’d recognized what fear had done to him, and to them all. She was right, Luke, even, was right. No one had come for him, no one but her had fought for him. Until her, until she helped him see his value, not just as a Skywalker, or as a Knight, but as a man, he’d not thought he held any worth except that which others ascribed to him. Snoke had tried to destroy him, turning him and all those whom he abused into tools that would build their own destruction. Now he would show them that they had value other than as those tools. He wanted to show them their humanity. The time had come to save their souls, and Ben Solo was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're building to the end, folks!! I cannot thank everyone who has read this fic and been so kind as to kudo, bookmark or comment enough!! You have brought me so much happiness. Thank you!!


	22. Chapter 22

Rey and Rose stood next to a large, empty crate in the cargo hold of The General, peering into it with matching doubtful expressions.

“Well, I was the one who said we’d win by saving those we loved,” Rose said, her head tilted to one side, “so this seems somehow appropriate, although I’d have never thought in a million years I would be talking about Kylo Ren.” 

Rey looked momentarily startled, then grinned. “That actually means I should be in the one in the crate, then, doesn’t it?”

“Nah, you’re too tall,” Rose reminded her, setting off a round of laughter. Rey hugged her friend and held on for a moment. Finn walked over to the two women.

“Okay, ready to go?” he asked Rose, which made both her and Rey laugh harder. He gave them a quizzical look as Rey offered Rose her hand to help her friend climb into the deep, recessed bottom of the crate, hoisting BB-8 in after her. Rose curled up, wrapping herself around the droid to keep him from rolling and banging the box’s metal sides. Finn and Poe set an insert tray full of typical comm replacement parts above the pair on a set of railings specially designed for the purpose. 

“If we didn’t know that Lando was a smuggler before this, we’d know now,” Poe said, nodding in admiration at the cleverness of the crate design. The insert locked from below, so anything or anyone, the latter of which was more likely judging by the ventilation in the lower half, in the crate would have to release the insert from underneath to remove it. It could also be released by fitting a special key, which Rey would have on her, into a hidden lock on the side of the crate. 

“All right,” he continued. “Rey, you’ll deliver Rose and BB-8. You’re sure you can make the guards let you pass?”

“I can make them let me pass and give me their blasters,” Rey reassured him.

Jess walked up to Rey, pointing at the map of the base they had used to plan their mission. Everyone was grateful she’d had the presence of mind to grab a datapad when the base was under attack.

“The most likely scenario is that they’ll direct you to deliver Rose and BB-8 to one of the six storage units ringing the center passage. If you can, pick the last door on the right after hangar three. Once you deliver the crate, Rose and BB-8 will first take out the comms by interfacing with the mainframe. There’s comm stations in each of the hangars and one at the end of the base by the back door. I told them that’ll be the easiest one to access. Then Snap and I will get captured and taken to the brig. Rose and BB-8 will break us out and we’ll draw the troops to the waiting hangar. Rey, it’ll be your job to get to the main control room. Once the troops have been drawn away, you’ll reroute the door commands to your location. No ships but the ones we need can get out.”

“I see a big flaw in this plan,” Finn said. “Whoever leads the troops to the hangar will be trapped in with them.”

“No, we won’t,” said Snap. “I know my way in and out of everywhere on that base. There are two access ports in each hangar that lead to the roof. I doubt the Stormtroopers will have found them yet. We just have to climb up and can be out in time to meet you. One of you will need to let us know which hangar has ships that’ll give us the best chance of getting out.” 

“Finn, Poe and Chewie,” said Rey, “cover the main entrance. We can’t have anyone running off to send for help or bring in reinforcements. When I’ve locked down the base, I’ll give you the all clear, then you can come to the outside door of whichever hangar has the ships and I’ll let you in.”

The portmaster had loaned them his coat, hat and a transport, this time with a repulsorlift. They gently lifted the heavy crate onto the bed, Rey tightened the straps holding it in place, then checked over the faked shipping manifest, making sure the signatures were in place. They had their story all worked out. As she turned to look at her friends, she felt compelled to say something to these wonderful souls who had fought so hard and for so long, and trusted her so implicitly. She grabbed Chewie’s hand and smiled at the little band of Rebels.

“May the Force be with us.”

She pulled away before she her emotions overwhelmed her, adjusted the coat and hat, climbed onto the transport, eased out of the alleyway by the The General and steered her way towards the base, the rest of the group watching from the shadows, waiting to follow one at a time. 

***

The waiting was interminable. The Knights were nearby, their minds a suffocating shroud on Ben’s, pushing into him as Snoke had, looking for the rope with which to hang him. But they still weren’t on the ship. They hovered at a distance, waiting for what sign, Ben knew not. He fought back, subtly, knowing it would only be a matter of time before he was laid open to them, his mind flayed. He had to move forward, quickly, before they saw his heart, before they could get to Rey. He could see into their minds, too, and he knew that the galaxy would be lost if they were allowed to enact their plan. But, even though they guarded themselves. there were a few things that had slipped. Useful things. He knew where to dig.

The time for his plan had come. Walking the ship, unable to sleep with the Knights in his mind and the burden of his guilt crushing him, he’d looked for the flame, hoping that what the training officer had said was true. It was everywhere, the flame of rebellion, in the minds of those whose will had been ground out and in those for whom the price of order had been too high and who had paid for unattainable peace with their souls. The intensity with which this fury burned was so searing he was stunned he hadn’t seen or felt it before this moment. But he had been so blind. He’d needed to stoke the smoldering fire if it was to engulf the entire First Order. And he stoked it, reaching out to these men and women, opening their minds a little wider. He’d also sought out the few friendly faces on the ship and asked for favors, which were granted.  
He hoped he was doing the right thing, yet again. 

His last stop was the bridge, where he’d ordered a begrudging Hux to assemble the entire complement, his earlier words having somewhat convinced the General that the Supreme Leader would attempt to restore order, even if it was with the hated old ways. So, on the flight deck of the Finalizer, a few hours later, the man who had been Kylo Ren stood looking at the arrayed troops standing in formation before him. He’d dressed as the Supreme Leader should, gloved and caped, his lightsaber on his belt. 

As he opened his mind, he knew they feared that he was there to quell their insurrection. They believed he was going to single out and punish or kill the perpetrators, the disobedient. Those who were still loyal to the First Order relished the thought. Many of them had joined willingly, having attended the Imperial Academy or survived the destruction of the Empire, recommitting themselves to the subjugation of the will of the galaxy when the new regime surfaced. Many of the officers, that is. The troopers had largely been brought to Hux as abducted or surrendered child conscripts and, while brainwashed, were now held in check only by the constant threat of further violence. Ben stopped walking and placed himself at the head of the largest battalion of armored Stormtroopers, standing on a level with them.

“Rebellion is spreading again to every corner of the galaxy. Word of what happened on Crait has given some systems and their citizens hope.” 

He directed these comments to the infantry, using the Force to reach the thousands of ears that had expected to hear of their doom. The officers, arrayed behind their units, were hard-pressed to hear. 

“Skywalker faced me on the sand flats and our confrontation gave the Resistance time to flee. But General Organa is dead. Luke Skywalker is dead. The Resistance is scattered, desperate to find allies who will join them in their fight against the First Order.” 

Some officers, who had finally moved forward enough to hear him, cheered, then trailed off as the Supreme Leader fixed them with a gaze of terrifying coldness.

“However, right now on a planet not far from us, a small band of Resistance fighters led by Skywalker’s apprentice and the defector FN-2187 is poised to take back a base that was once theirs. It will be theirs again. And I will not stop it. I will not stop any of it. The time has come.”

There was no sound now on that deck but that of machines. The soldiers, the crew, the officers, they stood in utter, silent stillness, all listening to one man. A man they had hated and feared until a short time ago. Ben didn’t need to use the Force any more. Everyone could hear him. 

“We’ve had the same master. A cruel and vicious master who would break our minds and bones to take what was never his. No proof of loyalty, no oath was enough, no amount of blood spilled could quench the thirst of that master’s hatred. This order was born of hate, it was born of fear and that fear, which is our true master, will crush the light from this galaxy if it is allowed to do so. But there is still light yet. It is in all of you, as it is in everyone who struggles to be free. And it is in that light that we will throw off the form of our oppressor and be revealed as those for whom our parents mourned. Show your face to the light and let it burn the darkness from your souls, as it has mine.”

Ben Solo, the child who had burned so brightly that the light and the dark both feared him, betrayed him, threw off Kylo Ren for the last time and was reborn. In his mind, Rey was there, beside him. He could do what he must now, for he was loved and he loved in return.

And in front of him, in wave after gleaming wave, the Stormtroopers removed their helmets, and the officers screamed. 

***

Rey flew the transport up to the gate of the base at what she hoped was a normal speed. And that it was normal to be delivering a crate of unnecessary parts after dark. And that she’d be able to subdue the minds of the guards. She was hoping for a lot. There was only one guard, though, and he didn’t seem to care at all that someone he’d never seen before was making a delivery of something he didn’t bother to check at an hour when most people should be sleeping. He didn’t even bother telling her where to go. Rey was deeply suspicious, but his mind didn’t reveal anything but apathy, which in itself was odd. 

She flew the transport into the wide, covered causeway of the base. The lights were low, the structure was fairly busy, but there were few officers, mostly crewers and troopers, still on duty. She counted them as she flew, noticing that more of them than Jess had said to expect were on the floor, and there was a great deal of milling about.

Once Rey reached what she thought must be the storage room at the far end of the corridor, she realized that she and her friends had made a big mistake. The door was too narrow for her to navigate through with the transport, and the crate was so heavy that it had taken her and three others, including Chewie, to lift it onto the bed. Now alone, she’d have to publicly use the Force to move Rose and BB-8 in their unwieldy box. She looked around as surreptitiously as possible to see if anyone was near enough to become suspicious when one person managed to lift an enormous supply crate to the ground on her own, but most people seemed to be working elsewhere. Over the course of a painful quarter hour, she slowly slid the crate off of the bed of the transport and onto the floor, stopping every time someone would pass by or look in her direction. She made a big show of laboriously pushing the crate through the doorway, which was unlocked. But, it wasn’t a storage room. Or, rather, it was, but it was occupied. 

There, in front of her, were a handful of Stormtroopers with their helmets off. She knew from Finn that this was absolutely forbidden, that they had to have permission to remove their headgear while on duty. What was happening here?

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she mumbled, lowering her voice and tilting her head down so her face was obscured as she turned to leave. Rose would be all right, if a little cramped, until they were done, which would hopefully be soon. 

“Stop,” one of them ordered. 

Rey turned around and began to gather the Force. 

“You forgot your manifest.” 

The trooper handed her back her paperwork that she had left on top of the crate. 

“Thanks,” she grunted, releasing her energy as she almost ran out the door climbed back onto the transport. She turned it around and slowly drove through the base, trying very hard to avoid looking over her shoulder to see if she was being followed. When nerves got the better of her and she took a quick glance back at the end of the hall, she saw that the door to the makeshift meeting space was closed again.

Hangars two and three sat on opposite sides of the passage, flanking the closed, floor to ceiling rear door of the base. Hangar two had crates of cargo piled almost floor to ceiling on either side of the wide bay, and hangar three had four or five small short range supply ships that had no lightspeed capabilities. Hangars one and four were back by the entrance. Hangar four was full of ground transport and equipment, but hangar one had three hyperspace capable ships, a shuttle and two TIE fighters, and the pilots were nowhere nearby. She looked around to see if anyone was watching as she steered the transport into hangar one, but no one was paying any attention. She got the same crawling sensation that she had at the gate. Something wasn’t right. 

She tucked the cart in the dimmest corner of the hangar behind some empty pallets, did a quick visual inspection of the ships and then scanned the walls for spare clothing. She was in luck. Hanging by racks of tools and equipment for servicing the ships, she found a row of technician jumpsuits and helmets. She snatched two sets off their hooks and hid behind a pile of coiled refueling hose, quickly stepping into the coveralls. She rolled another up and shoved it into her suit to give to Rose. She then stuffed the portmaster’s hat and coat, which wouldn’t fit under the new clothes, into a garbage collection chute, hoping the kindly man wouldn’t get in trouble for losing his uniform. She picked up a handheld tool rack and walked out of the hangar towards the main control room, which was just where Jess and Snap had said it would be, right inside the main doors. She could see through the windows that there were two Troopers and one officer in the room. She took a deep breath and entered.

“What do you want?” the officer in the control room barked at Rey.

“I was asked to check your comms,” she replied, still lowering her voice to an unrecognizable pitch. “They’re not working in hangar four.”

“The comms are working fine, I just got a transmission from the Finalizer.”

The officer seemed frantic, and Rey noticed again that a frisson was passing through the room. She prepared herself to subdue the trio when, suddenly, a voice spoke in the deepest part of her mind and heart. She stood transfixed, unable to understand the officer as he shouted at her to leave or register the troopers approaching to escort her out. All she could hear and feel was Ben, far away. 

I’m sorry. I love you.

She turned on her heel and ran out the door of the control room, drawing her lightsaber from inside her jumpsuit as she sprinted towards the other end of the base. She grabbed her handheld comm and pressed the button.

“Finn, Poe, Chewie!! Something is wrong, I’m going to get Rose! We’ve got to go, now!” 

She couldn’t hear the responses from the other end as she was suddenly surrounded by screams and the sound of blaster fire. She spun, holding her blade up, crouching to prepare for an attack, but none was directed at her. Stormtroopers were fighting everywhere she looked, but most of them weren’t wearing their helmets. She turned and ran to the nearest comm station in hangar one. Over the system came a string of transmissions, orders for any available ship to render aid, then voices shouting, giving contradicting orders to...resist? She ran back out into the long hall of the base, casting around for anyone she recognized. 

“Finn! Poe! Can you hear me!” Rey shouted into her comm as she avoided a helmeted trooper who had been thrown against the wall near her.

“Rey!!” She heard familiar voices to the left of her. She looked and saw Finn, Poe, Chewie and the two pilots running full bore up the road. Snap and Jess had not even had time to get arrested. All around them was utter chaos. They, like Rey, were dodging fighting, flailing bodies and blaster shots as they neared her. Suddenly, the huge doors of the base slammed shut, trapping her in and them out. She charged into the control room, but the officer was down, the troopers gone and the control panel destroyed. She had to find another panel, and Rose, who she hoped had stayed hidden. Racing back to the end of the base, she used her saber to clear her path of blasts, trying not to hit anyone with the rebounds. Not having done that before, she hoped she hadn’t hit too many people. She reached the door to Rose’s hiding place and wrenched it open. The lid to the chest was off and Rose was gone, BB-8, too. 

Rey back in the hallway, an officer careened into her as a helmetless trooper punched him in the face. Rey bent her knees, caught the officer on her back and flung him away with an upward jerk. When she turned back to the trooper, she brought her saber up between them, expecting him to attack her next, but he just looked at her in surprise. She recognized him. He had been the one to hand her the manifest.

“What’s going on??” she shouted to him over the din.

“The First Order, we’re fighting back,” he started running towards a melee of former Stormtroopers and their commanding officers. 

“What? Where?” Rey shouted.

“Everywhere!!” he shouted back over his shoulder.

“Rey!!” Rey saw Rose and BB-8 running towards her from hangar three. 

“It’s all over the First Order. Something happened on the Finalizer, Hux’s ship, Ben’s ship. It’s mutiny.”

“We have to go.” Rey turned and grabbed Rose’s hand so as to not lose her in the crush. They ran into hangar one, ducking blasts and bodies, Rey using the Force to clear a path. They tried to shut the door behind them, but the hangar door controls weren’t working. 

“They must have been shut down from the control room,” Rose said as she pounded her fists on the panel. 

“The controls were destroyed. Whoever did it must have overridden access first. Come on,” Rey ordered, “we’re going to blast our way out. No one’s going to follow us now.” 

Rose and Rey climbed up the shuttle’s open ramp, BB-8 rolling rapidly behind. Rey buckled herself into the cockpit and Rose did the same. 

“Do you know where the ion cannons are?” Rey asked Rose as she prepped the shuttle for launch.

“Yes, I’m priming them now,” Rose replied, taking the controls in the co-pilot’s seat and flipping the toggle from blaster to cannon. “I hope this doesn’t bring the building down on us. Paige would be so surprised to see me now!”

She fired and the huge exterior metal hangar door was ripped from its track and flung through the fence beyond. 

“Woohoo!!” Rose shouted.

“We have to get the others,” Rey said, switching on the hyperdrive computer and retrieving the coordinates for the Finalizer. She ignited the ion engines and maneuvered the ship carefully out of the wreckage to the front of the base, where her friends, namely R2, were trying to override the door controls. They turned on the shuttle as it landed, blasters armed. She let down the ramp and BB-8 rolled down it before she could stop him.

“It’s us,” Rose shouted, running behind the droid. “There’s two TIE fighters in hangar one! We need them! Go through the hole on the outside! We don’t know what’s going on between us and the fleet!”

“We don’t know what the hell is going on down here!” Poe shouted, as he turned to run. 

Jess ran after him, and Snap, Finn, Chewie, Rose and the droids piled into the shuttle. Rey raised the ramp just as the front doors of the base opened and blaster fire showered them. They lifted off and hovered just out of range, waiting for the two pilots.

“They think we’re First Order trying to escape!” Rey shouted over the noise.

“They’re First Order!” Finn shouted back.

“Not anymore!” Rose and Rey said in unison.

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on??” Finn yelled, hopelessly.

An explosion in hangar one was followed by the two TIE fighters who were chased out with more blaster fire. 

“Shuttle? Are you there?” Poe’s voice came over the comm. “This is TIE one. Copy.”

“Copy that, TIE one, this is shuttle, we are right behind you,” Rose replied.

“Where are we going, shuttle?”

“We’re going to the Finalizer. Set your course and make the jump to lightspeed. Copy that, TIE two?” 

“Copy that,” Jess’ voice said over the comm. “Let’s go get ‘em.”


	23. Chapter 23

The First Order was at war. The comms on the Finalizer had broadcast to every receiver in the Order, and all had heard the former Kylo Ren exhorting them to revolt. All the whispers the conscripts had been hearing for the past month had coalesced into one voice, and it was telling them to fight. 

At the first click of a Stormtrooper’s helmet, Hux had fled, screaming to his guards to follow while, around him, other officers froze as thirty thousand men and women, finally released from their servitude, emerged to take back what was rightfully theirs. His path to the bridge wasn’t yet obstructed, and, once there, he commanded his few loyal soldiers to override door controls and seal in the deck crew, who all sat stupefied as, from the comms, the sounds of the First Order disintegrating hammered their ears. 

The fighting on the deck, which flashed across the bridge’s displays like a particularly gruesome vid, was shocking in its ferocity. Those who were loyal to the First Order remained so because the cruelty of the regime suited their need for violence, and that violence that was now fully unleashed on less vicious opponents. The casualties were high. Hux was utterly at a loss, unable to flee, unable to stop watching. He was powerful only as long as he was feared. Now that fear was gone. The guards, after witnessing their likely end as it played out electronically before their eyes, were the first to bolt, not caring who was on the other side of the door they themselves had sealed and reopened. These were no Praetorian Guards to die for their master. The crew swiftly followed, and Hux was alone. 

“Cowards!” he screamed after them. He wouldn’t abandon his ship. 

He felt hope swell as, one by one, the ships of the First Order navy jumped into view. But chagrin soon smothered that hope as the ships didn’t stop, didn’t send fighters, didn’t try to contact their general. They seemed to merely let the inertia from the remnants of their hyperspace transit carry them into dangerously close proximity with each other.

Down on the deck, his lightsaber a bloody slash amidst the butchery of foe and friend alike, Ben heard the fleet arrive, each craft displacing whatever matter existed in its place before reentry into normal space, creating an almost sub-aural event that always accompanied the massive ships. He knew he had to take control of the fleet, and to do that, he had to get to the bridge. The distance between him and the closest turbolift was near impenetrable, and, as he pushed through the hordes, dodging weapons fire and cutting down those who wished to stop him, he hoped against hope that he could make it in time. Soon, however, all were fleeing at his approach. He was terrifying in his progress, a figure of fire, come to end their strife, or enact it. 

The turbolift stopped below the bridge, and, as Ben ran the maze of ramps and corridors to reach the upper levels of the ship, he saw the carnage his words had wrought. Lifeless bodies were everywhere he turned. Death followed the Skywalkers. He stopped at a control panel covered with holo screens outside of a smaller cargo bay and scanned the monitors showing the whole ship. There was fighting everywhere. The dining hall, the arenas, the repair bays, wherever there were those the Order had subjugated, there would be rebellion. It was impossible to tell who was winning.

He approached the bridge, expecting to see his way barricaded, to have to fight guard after guard, but the halls were bare but for those left behind. Ben reached out with his mind to each prone figure he passed, and found none aline. The bridge door was sealed, but it was no match for a lightsaber. The door split in its frame as it was bisected by the saber and fell to the ground with a slam at Ben’s final Force blow. Hux stood on the bridge, his back to Solo. 

“Have you come to kill me?” he asked without turning around, seemingly composed, even as his empire fell around him.

“Would you like me to kill you, to make you a martyr?” 

“It’s not I with the death wish.” 

Hux spun and fired, his concealed blaster catching Ben in the arm, blazing a white hot trail across his bicep. 

Ben reached out his hand and summoned the blaster, crushing it in his fist. Hux’s face grew even whiter than his usual pallor, his feeble attempt on Ben’s life having failed. 

“What are you going to do to me, son of Solo? Gut me as you did your father?” Hux asked, surprising Ben, both because of the seeming bravado of the statement and its content. Hux knew of Han’s death.

“Nothing,” said Ben, “I’m not the one whose punishment you should fear. Surrender your fleet.” 

“Surrender my fleet? When they’ve come to save me? You are mad,” Hux sniffed, his face reshaping into its typical, albeit slightly less convincing, sneer. Ben stepped closer, but his hands stayed at his sides. Hux flicked his eyes at the ungloved fingers that had so often choked him, but didn’t see them rise. He jerked his eyes back to his opponent’s, and saw only implacability there.

“You forget,” Ben said, in an unnervingly emotionless voice, “I am Supreme Leader. I killed Snoke, I will end this now. Surrender your fleet.” 

“My generals answer to me, and I would rather die than watch you destroy everything I built. If you’re the Supreme Leader, you give the order.” 

“No. You and your father engineered this monstrosity, and now you will end it. Call your officers. Tell them to surrender their ships. I will not ask again.” 

Suddenly, the approach radar display to Hux’s right chimed an alert and lit up, showing three small ships inbound, fast.

Ben’s entire attention was pulled for a moment to the moving signals. Hux had heard, he knew what had happened on Mirren, he knew who was coming. Now he’d destroy Solo’s hopes as his had been destroyed. Before Ben saw the cunning on Hux’s face, the general slammed his fist on the control panel's comm switch.

“Fire at those ships! Stop them!!” he screamed into the ether.

Ben’s lightsaber smashed down on the console, destroying it, but it was too late. The order had been given. Hux collapsed as Ben’s backhand caught him hard on the jaw.

***

The two TIE fighters and the shuttle had jumped out of hyperspace in the center of the First Order’s navy. There was no formation to the fleet, the ships were just drifting through space, carried forward by whatever propulsion had set them on their random courses.

“What the in the hell…” Rey heard Poe say over the comms. “Why aren’t they firing? Is no one in command anymore?”

Behind them, four small ships they didn’t recognize jumped in, too, close enough to be within accurate firing range, but no active weapons were detectable. Rey felt pressure strike like a blow to her mind before she could block it out. She screamed.

“Rey!!” Rose reached out for her friend, who was clutching her head in her hands, while also trying to steady the shuttle's course as Rey's sudden movement had sent them veering to the right. Rey gasped, drew the Force in to her like a collapsing star and, following the attack back to its source, released all that energy on the one who had targeted her. The shock and pain she felt on her foe’s end was gratifying. She let go of her head, her face white and her eyes streaming, and grabbed the controls of the ship, managing to shut down her mind just in time before she felt the next assault.

“It’s all right, I’m all right,” she said to Rose. “Poe? Jess??” She flicked the comm switch. “There’s four ships coming up on us. I don’t know who they are, but they want me dead.”

“We see them, we’re on it,” Jess’ voice replied, just as an ion cannon blast streaked across her field of vision.

***

Ben jumped into the pit to take control of the weapons array. He had to ready the cannons. Once he started firing on the other ships to draw them away from Rey, they would fire back. He turned to another nearby panel, keyed in the order to evacuate and the sound of sirens split the air. On the display, he watched those who were still able to run do so, dragging their friends and allies with them. After a few excruciating moments, pods began firing from the ship. 

When he turned back to the radar, there were four more ships. He knew those signatures. He tried to reach out to Rey, but as soon as he opened his mind, the Knights were there, and it was torture. He pushed back as hard as he could and felt his own blow land in an unprepared mind. He smiled. 

He looked up, lightsaber in hand, as he heard footsteps approach. A torn and bloodied officer appeared in the doorway, glanced in and turned as if to run, but then stopped to stare at the prone form of Hux on the floor where Ben had left him, unconscious. She smiled, walked slowly over to the long, thin figure on the floor and kicked her former general. Then she saw Ben. She tensed in fear, and then relaxed when she saw his face. That had never happened to Ben before, and he was oddly touched.

“Sir! You need to evacuate! If any of those ships still have men loyal to Hux, they’ll kill us. Without a full contingency, we won’t be able to protect ourselves!”

“Go, evacuate,” Ben told her, “I need to stay here.”

The officer rolled her eyes and dropped down to the weapons array. “What are you trying to do?”

“There are three of our ships out there, the ones from Mirrin.” He pointed at the radar. “I need to give them cover, but I have to get to a working comms to order the fleet to stand down and tell those three ships they’re being followed. Everyone needs orders.” 

“Copy that,” she replied, sitting down and taking control of the turbolasers. 

He nodded at her, climbed out of the pit and sprinted out into the hallway towards the nearest comm array, which was in Hux’s quarters. He tore the locked door off its frame and located the controls. He opened a fleet-wide channel using his own code.

“This is the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Stand down. Stand down all ships. I am assuming command of the fleet.”

There was no response. He closed the channel and scanned for Rey’s ship. The comm crackled a bit before connecting. 

“Rey.”

“Ben! What’s happening? Are you alright?”

“Please, you need to turn around. All of you. You must go. There’s ships behind you, coming for me. Go.”

“No. Where are you? Who is in those ships?”

“You must go.”

“NO. That’s not your choice to make. Where are you? Who are they?”

“I’m on the bridge of the Finalizer. We’re trying to give you cover so you can escape. Hux won’t stand down the fleet. My order has come. The Knights of Ren are here.”

“I’m coming to you now. I know what you’re trying to do, and I won’t let you do it. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“No, Rey…”

But she was gone. He slammed his fist down on the console. Then he turned and ran back to the bridge. The officer was firing at the other destroyers, trying to offer cover to the three little ships, but it wasn’t long before the Finalizer rocked and shook as the fleet turned on one of its own. It was four ships to one, they wouldn’t last long. Whoever was firing was beyond his control.

“Go,” he ordered the officer. “Evacuate the ship. I order you.” 

“Forgive me, sir, but I’m not taking orders any more,” she replied.

Suddenly, a stunning explosion threw them off their feet. The controls flickered. 

“It’s our main array, sir, it’s down,” the officer told him as she pulled herself upright and scanned the displays. 

Ben pounded the cannon’s console in frustration. The officer, whose name he still didn’t know, was firing continuously with the lasers. 

“What’s your name, officer?” he asked.

“R-34...Prina Dola, sir,” she replied, smiling. She looked back at her display. “Sir, the ships, the shuttle and two TIE fighters. They’re coming here. And they’re being followed, and not just by those four ships. There’s a TIE squadron on their tail.”

***

Rey banked hard to the right to avoid a blast that almost caught her wing. The destroyer firing on her couldn’t change its targeting as quickly as she could change her direction. Her unpredictable flying, unhindered by formal training, confused those trying to anticipate her course. The squadron after them, who had joined the unfamiliar ships, weren’t many, but they. coupled with the destroyer fire, were enough to pull their attention away from their mystery pursuers. Whatever was happening in the fleet, there were obviously still some who were loyal to the First Order, and it was hard to tell who was fighting for whom. The four unidentified ships behind them weren’t firing on Rey, Jess and Poe, just perfectly shadowing them, which seemed impossible.

“Poe, Jess, get away from here! I’m going in to get Ben and then I’ll be out. Go! We’ll meet you back at Mirrin.” 

“Nope, you don’t have enough shielding on that shuttle to take many hits. We need to cover you.” 

The shuttle passengers could see the strophic blasts fired by their friends hit the Order’s fighters one by one, and cheered as each enemy TIE erupted into metallic showers. Soon, there were only three remaining, one targeting each Rebel ship, locking on. 

“Hold on!” shouted Rey. She pushed the controls down hard, using the gravity of an enormous destroyer below her to accelerate. As the TIE prepared to fire, she yanked hard on the control stick and engaged her ion drive to break her momentum and allow her to make a sharp, upwards turn. The TIE couldn’t change course in time, and it slammed into the deck of the destroyer.

“Damn!!” Poe shouted through the comm. “Nice move!! Jess, on my mark, drop your nose and kill your drive. When the other TIEs pass overhead, fire your engines and come around. We’ll be wide open.” 

“We’re going to do a plummet maneuver now?? All right!”

The shuttle watched in horror and awe as their friends suddenly dropped out of trajectory, the momentum from the last move sending them towards the fleet below them, only to watch them roll in an impossible somersault and fire on the ships directly above them. Finn whooped while Snap shook his head wistfully. They could all tell he wished he was in a TIE cockpit.

“All clear, shuttle!!” Poe’s voice was triumphant.

“Poe, Jess, I’m going in now. I saw a landing bay on the Finalizer on the port side. Those other ships are coming in right behind us. Can you stop the destroyers’ cannons? I don’t want us to be blown up once we’re on the ship.”

“No problem!” Poe sounded too happy to comply. He and Jess peeled off.

Under and over the the decks of the destroyer Rey went until she was close enough to the hangar she’d spotted that she could see straight inside the vast mouth to the cavernous interior of the ship. She accelerated towards the opening.

“Rey, what are you doing??” Finn demanded from behind the cockpit.

“I’m going in,” she said, gritting her teeth in concentration, “if we slow down, the surface cannons will get us.”

“You’re going too fast, you’re going to crash! Reeeeeeeey!!” 

As the shuttle flew through the field into the Finalizer, the whole ship rocked with an enormous fusillade. She banked tightly in the hangar, followed by the four strange ships who’d been on her at every turn. The shuttle had an unwieldy turning radius, and she almost took off a wing on a Imperial walker suspended from the ceiling. After completing a tight circuit of the bay, she rapidly decelerated and pulled the shuttle into the center of the bay, but had to scramble for a place to set down. There were casualties everywhere and few places were clear enough to accomodate them. The Finalizer was still being bombarded by cannon fire and was now starting to collapse. 

“If I’m not back in ten minutes, go!!” Rey shouted as she set the shuttle down, grabbed her lightsaber and ran down the hastily lowered ramp. She desperately scanned all around her, not seeing Ben, but also not seeing many left alive at all. She’d seen the escape pods firing from the ship, but she knew he would not have been on one of them. She closed her eyes and reached out, clawing through the foreign minds in her own. 

“Ben.” She whispered his name. 

On the bridge, Ben heard her. She had come back for him. But she wasn’t alone. The Knights were here.


	24. Chapter 24

The Finalizer was being pummelled. Poe and Jess could see the extent of the destruction from their ships and knew they had to get to the other destroyers’ cannons before a shot reached one of the Finalizer’s reactor cores. Only about a dozen weapons were being fired from the fleet, but they were enough. Any more and Hux’s flagship would have been destroyed long ago. More TIE fighters were disgorged by the huge ships, following the two Rebels, but fewer than they expected. Whatever was happening, the First Order was losing. 

“Jess, mark the two destroyers to port! Take out the firing surface weapons first, but get the rest if you can! And there’s three TIEs on your tail!” 

Poe split from Jess and came in close to the outer hull of the aft destroyer. The guns were all trained on the Finalizer, and four TIE fighters had followed him down. He had never been in a fight like this. There was no order, no formation. It was fun.

The surface of each vessel had dozens of cannons and turbolasers, and Poe had to count them off in his head as he obliterated each one, remembering how Finn had described each ship’s complement and what he had seen on their bombing run off D’Qar. The armament towers were enormous, so each pass was like flying through a forest. Since he’d grown up doing just that, he easily outpaced the TIE pilots, who were likely more used to flying in open space. He pulled fire from his pursuers to take out some of the targets, too, drawing them close to his tail and waiting until they locked on before pulling up and letting them either fire on or crash into cannon towers. It was easy to maneuver in the TIE fighters, they were brand new and so highly tuned that it took almost nothing to navigate and target. He wondered for a moment why he’d never been blown out of the sky, considering how advanced the target lock system was, but then he remembered he was just a better pilot than anyone in the First Order. He chuckled quietly to himself. 

Through their open comms, Poe could hear Jess shout as she cleared out a whole quadrant of towers with a volley of missiles. Poe knew he had to stop showboating and just use the missiles, too, for the sake of expediency. He had seen in a violent, never to be forgotten flash the amount of damage TIE missiles could do, and now he turned them back on the enemy below. By the time the two pilots had razed enough weaponry to keep the fleet off the Finalizer, they realized they were no longer being followed.

“Jess, do you have eyes on the fighters?? Where did they go?”

He flipped on his scanner and the radar lit up near the flagship.

“Damn,” Jess muttered. “Poe, we’ve gotta get them away from Rey.”

They turned their pirated vessels back towards the squadron, but they had gotten too far out of range to fire upon with their ion cannons, and their proton rockets would send ordnance out to the Finalizer, destabilizing it even further. 

“Poe, how short of the microjump have you done?”

Poe’s comm was silent for the briefest of seconds, then Jess could hear him start to laugh, a wicked, diabolical laugh.

“Jess, you’re a crazy genius.”

“Yeah, I know.”

***

“Let’s go! Now!” Ben grabbed the arm of the officer, Dola, and pulled her down the long series of passageways to the turbolift, but it was gone, shattered in its shaft. It was a quarter mile drop down to the hangar floor. Both Ben and Dola stood transfixed for a moment, staring at the absolute destruction below. The floor lurched, almost sending them to join their comrades. Dola grabbed Ben’s arm and pulled him away from the opening and into the long passage leading down to the deck. She was lighter and faster and reached the hangar first. Rey heard the bay doors open, saw the strange woman bolt out of the doorway, and charged to intercept her. Dola held up her hands in surrender, knowing the woman barreling towards her must be one of the people the former Supreme Leader was trying to protect.

“I’m not here to fight!!” she shouted, dropping to her knees. “I’m on your side!! Ren is right behind me, but Hux is still on the bridge, unconscious but alive. We need to go get him. If you’re here to stop the First Order, you have to stop him.”

Dola knew Ren would be furious at her for trying to go back, but she also knew that Hux had to pay, and that the whole galaxy would want to extract that payment.

Rey didn’t know who this woman was and she didn’t care, she just offered her hand to the kneeling officer and pulled her up. As Rey opened her mouth to ask if Ben was all right, she was interrupted by a voice to her left.

“Hux is still here?? He’s on the bridge??” Rey whirled around to see Finn standing right beside her, his face somehow simultaneously bleak and jubilant. He grabbed his friend’s arm and turned her to face him. “I want to go. Can I go? I have a few things I’d like to say to him.” 

Rey nodded. “Hurry.”

Finn grabbed Dola’s hand and hauled her after him through the maze of debris, and Rey could hear Dola protesting as they ran. Rey couldn’t help but laugh.

The door to the hallway wheezed open and Dola and Finn raced past Ben as he stepped out of their way and into the hangar, Finn only slowing enough to give him a wide berth. He was barely able to send a glance back to his friend, whose life had been so ineffably shaped by her connection to the man now standing before her that they had all risked their lives to save him out of their love for her. He only briefly saw the hopeful, wondering look that bloomed across Rey’s face before the door slid shut behind him.

Though they had been together so often through their bond, the two lonely young people who formed the great hope of the Cosmic Force had only been in each other’s physical presence a handful of times. But now, they were no longer prisoner and captor, combatants, or conflicted allies. Rey had found her center and her place, and Ben had found his humanity and his worth. Here they were equals. The energy of the universe and all its creation wrapped itself around the pair as they came together and were finally reunited. Rey smiled as she looked upon the true face of Ben Solo for the first time, and he smiled back, for her truly saw her, too.

But, though it was for this moment that they both had lived and hoped, the Force suddenly roared a warning their minds. Rey followed Ben’s eyes as they were drawn over her shoulder and she spun, lightsaber drawn, to protect them both from whoever was coming to try and tear them apart. Ahead of her, 100 yards behind the stolen shuttle in front of which her friends stood, the four dreadful black ships had landed. Rey watched as Rose, Chewie and Snap dropped behind the protection of the shuttle’s ramp and bulk, until only heads and blasters were visible.

The doors of the strange vessels hissed open as if controlled by a single command. Through the spewing exhaust vapor, Rey watched as the four mask-wearing monsters she knew from her nightmares emerged, shining, black clad and terrifying. Each clutched a lightsaber, which they ignited with the thrum of destruction. Blades lit the fog in slashes of gore as unwilling kyber crystals battled against their constraints like furious animals forced to harness.

The Knights of Ren ignored the little clutch of Resistance fighters, who stared in confusion and fear as these unknown horrors passed them by and targeted their beloved friend, who stood like a figure of pure light before their awful approach.

From behind Rey, Ben Solo looked upon the Knights and was finally unafraid. Snoke had ordered him to destroy the Jedi, and Luke Skywalker, but he, Ben, was the last of the Skywalkers now. He’d been a fool to not see it before. They would always have come for him. But the Jedi were not gone, and now the dark had to cede its place. He lit his lightsaber, no longer finding no beauty in its jagged, spitting blade. But it would still serve its purpose. His hand lingered on Rey’s back as he passed her and she watched, waiting, understanding that this was his reckoning. Only thoughts passed between them. 

I’m here. I will always be here. 

I know.

They met in the middle of the deck, Ben Solo and the Knights of Ren, surrounded by the bodies of the oppressed and the oppressor, watched by the Resistance. The shortest Knight, who pulsed with a darkness Rey found repellent, spoke. 

“Kylo Ren.”

“That’s not my name,” Ben calmly informed her. An asperous laugh hissed from her modulator. 

“Ah, but Solo is? A worthless name from a worthless man.” 

There was a low hoot of laughter from one of the other Knights.

“Snoke always said you were the weakest of us,” she jeered. “He knew you would disappoint him one day. Ironic that he didn’t know you would be the one to kill him. Oh yes, we know it was you, and not this feeble girl, as you claimed.”

Ben merely tilted his head as he regarded her, as though he found her only mildly puzzling.

“I see you still wear your mask. My grandfather’s legacy. Take it off,” Ben ordered, quietly.

Again the metallic not quite laugh raced through the cabal. 

“Why? So you can see me as I kill you? No, that won’t be necessary.” 

As the Knight was speaking, the three others loosely circled Ben, lightsabers held in right hands to form a ring of fire. Rey slowly moved in, as closely as she could, near enough to hear everything, despite the shattering ship and sparks falling like snow around them, as one or the other had done each time they met. Ben seemingly noticed nothing, only the woman before him.

“I want to see the face of my friend. I want to see the face of Marinet Zo. That’s who you are.”

He gestured to each of the three Knights surrounding him in turn as he gave them back their names.

“Barhun Anse. Lole Crast. Jinner Pall. I know you all. We were children together, until Snoke took us and turned us against the light, against each other, against hope. He tried to destroy us.”

The Knight who had been Marinet Zo stood silent, her weapon blade by her leg. Her stillness was disquieting. The other three Knights stopped moving and looked to Zo, intention clear even though their faces were obscured.

“Ah, they take orders from you now,” Ben said to her.

He directed his next words to the other Knights. 

“There is no leader here. Only another who wishes to take away your will. You can be free. There is no dark without the light. Come back.” He had to try.

Zo stepped in very close to Ben. 

“Oh, you poor thing. Unlike you, I never fought the dark. It was always the only thing there.”

She spun, her lightsaber in her hand burning an arc behind and around her as she brought the blade down overhand to strike at Ben.

But Rey was there, standing between her beloved and his former friend, her violet blade crashing against the red fire of the woman who had been Marinet Zo’s saber. Zo laughed.

“And here she is, the new Jedi. I thought we would have to go looking for you. How wonderful that you came right to us.”

Zo backed away, pointing her blade at Rey’s face, but Rey stood, unflinching, as the red lit the fury in her eyes.

“Oh, I see it’s there in you, too! The Jedi always were terrible at keeping out the dark.”

The Knight swung a casual backhand stroke, and Rey parried, not retreating. She spoke.

“The Jedi were wrong, and so are you. There is no fight between the light and the dark. There is only the balance, the grey.”

“What?” Zo stepped back.

“The Whills,” Ben said. He was standing slightly behind Rey, his eyes wide as he recognized the words. “The Gray Jedi. Luke said...”

Rey turned to him and smiled. 

“The old Jedi are gone. It’s just us now.” The words had new meaning.

She then faced Zo, gesturing around her with her saber.

“I’ve read the book. This must all end. You cannot keep out the light. Your fear has preyed upon you, just as Snoke did. He manipulated you into believing that fear was all you had. It isn’t. Let go.”

She said this as much to Ben as to the Knights. Let go, the Force will find balance. It’s never too late.

Another hiss from Zo followed this. She turned her mask to Ben. 

“Ah, how sweet. She thinks she can save you. Does she know what you’ve done? Or does she think that it can all be wiped clean? The Skywalkers are awash with blood, even the great Luke Skywalker, our master, your uncle, killed thousands.” She said this not with the detachment Rey would have expected, but with accusation. In this the Knight wasn’t wrong, and Rey knew she had to speak the truth, as well.

“Luke didn’t fight for you. For any of you. He let you go. He failed you. You were children. But you’re not children now. And it’s not too late.”

“Yes, it is.”

Zo charged, and with her, the other three Knights, who had been silent, waiting, sprang forward. They slammed into Rey and Ben, driving them back, for a moment, but Rey knew that she could win, they could win, but Ben had to want to live if he were to do the same. She threw herself into the fray.

Rey’s friends watched, helpless, as she and the man they had hated were flanked and assaulted by Snoke’s assassins. They couldn’t shoot, they couldn’t flee, they had to wait until there was an opening. One came when Rey ducked under a poorly aimed swing by the tallest Knight and kicked him hard in the back as he passed her. Chewie shot at the unbalanced man, hitting him in the chest, and he went down. 

***   
Jess and Poe approached the nose of the Finalizer, and could see the remaining TIEs ahead, skirting the flagship in a cluster, driving ahead to the the hangar bay door behind which their friends were trying to save the galaxy. 

“All right, Jess, what’s your plan, here??”

“The hangar bay is still ahead of the squadron. One microjump and we come in just beyond them, then we fire our rockets from the rear. I’ve sent you the coordinates.”

“I’ve never done one this short, but let’s give it a shot!” Poe replied. A jump that short could send them right into space occupied by another ship if they were even a fraction of a degree off. And then to time the rocket launch? It might be impossible.

“We can do this!” Jess shouted back. “You’ll be out of hyperspace almost the second you go in. Don’t get disoriented! Make the jump and shoot!”

Poe really wished he had BB-8 here with him to make the calculations, but he trusted Jess. He keyed in the coordinates for a patch of space just beyond the hangar and flipped rear gunner controls to his stick. 

“Here we go!” Jess said, “Three, two, one…”

Poe pushed the hyperdrive engage, brought his thumb down on the trigger and watched the rocket fire at the TIEs from what, to the squadron, had been mostly empty space a nanosecond before. The enemy pilots had no time to react, and the rocket caught the lead fighter in the wing, sending a shower of explosive ordnance out into the other ships. Jess and Poe hollered in joy and surprise that their plan had worked. 

“Finn?? Rey?? Where are you? We’re coming in!” Poe called into his comm as he changed course.

No voice responded to their comm. Jess’ worried voice sounded in Poe’s ears.

“Poe, we’ve got to get in there and help them. Something’s gone wrong.”

***

 

Finn and Dola ran up the endless corridors to the bridge, Finn firing a string of questions at Dola.

“Is Hux scared? Is he unconscious? Who hit him? Can I hit him?”

“Who are you? Why do you care what happens to Hux?” 

“I’m FN-2187.”

Dola slid to a stop, feet away from the bridge door.

“No. Are you kidding me?? You’re one of the reasons we’re all standing here now!! You gave us the courage to stand up to the Order! And you killed Phasma!”

Finn hadn’t thought he would be both a Resistance and First Order folk hero. He didn’t mind. He just shrugged as humbly as he could.

“We left Hux here,” Dola pointed to the open doors to the bridge, but, when they looked inside, Hux was gone.

Dola hurried to a console and rapidly flipped through display after display until she found what she was looking for and called to Finn.

“There!! His escape shuttle is in docking bay 27. Let’s go! Now!!”

“Wait!” Finn shouted as he reached for the comm he’d pocketed and switched it on. After giving Poe and Jess a brief order, the former First Order soldiers ran full bore from the bridge. 

***

It was now Zo and Ben, circling each other, as Rey fought the other two alone, screaming as she tore into the Knights, each strike of her blade wearing them down with her seemingly inexhaustible strength and tenacity.

“She is allowing her fury to lead her,” Zo taunted Ben. “She is no more balanced than you. It’s all lies, there is no gray.”

She stepped into Solo’s reach and they met each other, her barely controlled soul mirrored in her coruscating lightsaber. 

“Why don’t you say anything?” Zo demanded, as she struck at his torso. “Are you afraid?”

“No,” Ben replied, parrying her assaults, “I’m not.”

Zo thrust again. Ben deflected her blade, trying to avoid striking her. Again and again she leveraged blows at her foe, and each time he knocked her saber away, but never struck on his own.

“Fight back!” she screamed at him. “FIGHT BACK.”

“No.”

His calm enraged Zo more than any violence could. She ripped off her mask. She still looked startlingly young, the woman revealed there. She was pale, almost translucent, her black eyes enormous, prominent amidst her too sharp features. She had long ago shaved her head, leaving behind the brilliant red hair that had been so beloved by her mother. That girl was gone. Just her wrath remained.

“Fight me! I will end the Skywalkers, as Snoke demanded!”

“I will not fight you. Your war is over. Snoke is dead. I killed him, and with him died the Knights of Ren.”

“No, it is you who will die.”

She unleashed upon him an attack of such unhinged fury that he could only block the blows that she hammered upon him. He was strong, but she was stronger in this moment.

Rey had been fighting well and had only been marked, but one Knight, the one Ben had called Crast, swung her body in a low, deadly spin that caught Rey’s leg before she could block. Rey shouted as her knee buckled, while, over her head, Chewie shot a blast that took off Crast’s helmet, flinging the Knight back onto the deck. Rey stood and pinned Crast with her saber until Snap, Rose and Chewie were there, weapons pointed at the Knight’s head.

Rey felt the man Anse approach, and wheeled around to face him. But he merely stood, staring at Rey and then Crast. As the Rebels watched, he touched the sides of his mask and disengaged it, then lifted it off and threw it aside. 

“No,” he said. “No more. I will no longer be a slave to the dark.” They all watched, stunned, as his lightsaber followed his helmet, and he kneeled.

“End this. Kill me.” He looked pleadingly into Rey’s eyes. “I can no longer bear what I have done.”

“No,” Rey shook her head. “I will not take your life. You are needed.” 

She didn’t know why she said this. It came to her lips unbidden, but she knew in her heart it was right. The others, who had restrained Crast, rushed to do the same for Anse. He let them.

Rey turned to see the diminutive Zo beating her lightsaber with such savagery upon Ben’s that she knew he wouldn’t last much longer. He wasn’t fighting back.

“Zo!!” Rey screamed. 

Zo turned, laughing as she saw Rey, injured and bleeding, calling to her, the only loyal soldier in the war against the light, to draw her away from the fallen man who had once been Kylo Ren.

“Oh, you want to fight me! The little girl, the nobody, wants to fight me! Oh, I will, but first, I’m going to finish off the traitor.” 

As she swung her blade meet Solo, he was there.

“Choose,” he demanded, leveraging an overhand blow upon her skull that she barely repelled.

Zo stumbled backwards in surprise, lightsaber up. 

“What??”

“Choose. It’s not too late. Choose. Rey chose. Pall chose. They came back.” 

Ben kept advancing, striking to keep her off balance.

“I have made my choice!” 

“Then I’m sorry.”

Rey stood behind Zo and Ben in front. Zo swiveled, facing each of them in mad defiance.

“This is not how this will end! I will not stop until you and she are both with Skywalker again!”

Zo held her lightsaber in both hands, straight in front of her like a pike. Then she dove, thrusting her blade at Rey, who she believed to be the weaker of the two. Rey brought her weapon up to turn the blow. Zo’s eyes narrowed. She struck at Ben, then Rey, again, and again, and again to strike them down, each cut growing wilder until all three were blurred in their battle, their blades impossible in their speed, a sight unlike any that had been seen since before the Jedi Temple fell.

Zo, fueled by something past human understanding, somehow met each attack. She knew Rey was injured, and she timed a crouch to allow her to sweep Rey’s knee with her foot, sending the other woman down. Ben instinctively reached for Rey, so when Zo came up, she hit under Ben’s arm with her shoulder, hard. He felt a crack and he briefly lost feeling, his hand loosening its grip on his saber. She kicked him full in the chest, and he fell. 

***

Dola and Finn sprinted down the corridor to the launch bay. There, not twenty feet from the door where they stood, Hux was getting on his shuttle.

“Hux!” Finn screamed, pulling out his blaster. “Get off the ship or you die!!”

Hux stopped, turned oh so slowly and laughed, pointing back with his own weapon.

“FN-2187. I thought it might be you who would try and kill me. But how are you going to stop me? Are you going to blow up my shuttle? Your blaster won’t make a scratch in the hull.”

“No,” said Finn, “but that will.” 

Poe and Jess’ TIE fighters appeared outside the hangar doorway. A voice came over Finn’s comm.

“Hi, is this Hux? This is Poe Dameron. I never got to deliver General Organa’s message. Finn has it for you. Oh, and put down your weapon.”

Hux dropped his blaster. Finn walked up and punched him in the face. 

***

“So, there it is. I knew she’d be your undoing. Reaching out to her, how predictable. Snoke was right about you, you are WEAK.” 

Zo screamed the last word as she stood over Ben, panting, bloody from the viciousness of the fight. She smiled as she lifted her saber, blade down, ready to strike the final blow. Ben raised his empty hand, slowly, ready to use the Force, only to see the smile vanish from Zo’s face. The woman looked down in shock to see Rey’s blade protruding from her chest, the glow turning the Knight’s frosty skin a deathly purple. Zo’s hands fell to her sides and her saber joined Ben’s a few feet away. She slid down to the floor as the blade was withdrawn, and, as she fell, she met Ben’s eyes in astonishment. Then, she lay on the floor, dead. The Knights were no more.

Rey dropped to the floor and scrambled to Ben. 

“Are you all right??” She asked, urgently, touching his arm and his chest and anywhere else she could think might be injured. 

He pushed himself upright, wincing slightly, never taking his eyes from her face. 

“Yes.” 

She made a noise, a pent-up breath half sob, half laugh. They looked at each other then, relief, confusion, ebbing fear, all fighting in their hearts. Then, slowly, so slowly, Rey took Ben’s face in her hands and kissed him, with all of her love and hope and need and longing. He kissed her back, gently, then fiercely, holding on to her with one arm in the desperate fear she’d disappear and this would all have been a dream or a vision. 

They broke apart, breathing hard. 

He was so uncertain of what to say, to do. He didn’t have to say anything. She already knew.

“Let’s go end this.”

Rey stood up, gingerly, and reached out her hand. He took it. Together, they made it to a surviving comm station. With Rey by his side, Ben Solo informed the fleet that Hux was in custody, that he’d surrendered. The few remaining loyal officers, overwhelmed and outnumbered, gave up their ships. The new rebellion was over. 

Ben and Rey paused a moment before returning to the shuttle. Rey looked into his face in the unsettling way she had, her directness piercing even the deepest layers of his hardened heart. How he loved her. 

“I see what you’re thinking,” she said. “But it will be all right. I’ll be with you.”

“I believe you.”

She put her arms around his waist and he wrapped his good one around her shoulders, burying his face in her hair.

Poe, Jess, Finn, Rose and Chewie were waiting for them when they returned. Hux was shackled, held on to by the Wookie. The general had an enormous lump on his left temple. They all stared at Ben Solo, stunned by what had transpired. Without a word, Rey embraced each of her friends, led them into the ship, closed the hatch, lifted off and jumped to hyperspace and safety.


	25. Chapter 25

By the time she returned to Mirrin Prime, Rey had only been away from Jakku for a little over two months. What had taken the First Order thirty years to build took only eight weeks to destroy, but in those eight weeks, so much of what had been done to stabilize the galaxy after the Empire had been lost. The systems now had to start anew, with reluctant leaders to show them the way. 

Representatives from each able system met at the old Republic headquarters on Mirrin Prime, summoned by that planet’s suddenly beleaguered administrators, but as days went on, old fights and unearthed grievances mired down each discussion on whether to restore the Republic fleet and armies from the ashes of the First Order, or to allow planets to govern themselves and equally divide the Order’s resources among them. It was with great trepidation that a new provisional Council was formed, but, with Leia and most of the Senate gone, those governing knew little of the battles she’d faced with the growth of the First Order, and the extent of the Order’s reach in the governmental and criminal workings of the galaxy would have to be rediscovered by those now factioning in the corridors of the white city’s jurisprudential hallways.

But even as governance hung in scattered clouds about the debate halls’ domed ceilings, the judges and legal personnel who’d been required to accompany their political operatives were swift to work. That, at least, was one thing upon which all parties could agree: a high commission had to be convened with haste for the trials to begin. Ben had been taken into willing custody immediately upon the Rebels’ return, and he and the remainder of the First Order officers and soldiers who were captured or surrendered only under duress would be tried for war crimes. Those who had been prisoners of the Order and who had turned, however, could stay as members of the new service, if they wished, but anyone who chose to go was released. There was no one who didn’t doubt that the influx of tens of thousands of formerly indoctrinated military wouldn’t potentially destabilize the galaxy again, but there was no choice. 

The trials were long and bleak. Officers and corps alike were tried and convicted for crimes against the galaxy and the New Republic. Hux’s indictment, held after all his subordinates had been sentenced, was holocast to every system. Snoke had commanded the First Order, but Armitage Hux had engineered and populated it. All the files of the children who had been stolen to form the disposable workforce of the Order were broadcast, face after innocent face shown to the systems and their citizens to not only emphasize the horror of what Hux had done, but find those children’s families, if they existed. Hux refuted nothing, argued nothing but that he had done what was right and needed, that the galaxy needed order above all else, and that the method of applying that order was unworthy of consideration. The galaxy disagreed. Hux’s sentence was short and final. He had his family would trouble the galactic citizens no more.

While the trials dragged on, the wheels of reconstruction slowly ground forward. Larma D’Acy, K’ai Threnalli, Nien Numb, Kaydel Ko Connix, they found their way back to join the new Council’s military arm when word reached them. Poe was offered the job of General of the Council fleet, but he turned it down, politely. He just wanted to fly again and decided on stay on with Jess, Snap, Kare Kun and the new Black Squadron, which arrived one day in splendid form as a gift from an unknown benefactor. Five new T-85 X-Wings, just like he’d had as a Rapier, an extravagant display that made them uneasy until Poe read the coded message that accompanied them. Before Starkiller, the Senate had ordered and paid for the ships, only delays in manufacturing had kept them from being delivered. The Director of Incom-FreiTek apologized profusely. Poe knew it was probably not the whole truth, but he accepted the gift, and the slow work of rebuilding their forces began. 

Finn was asked to help transition the former Stormtroopers who stayed in service to find their place. The work was hard. The men and women who wanted to serve, despite their intentions, had been trained to be automatons, and they struggled with freedom as much as they struggled with a chain of command that valued their opinions and lives. Finn found a few trusted colleagues, Prina Dola and the tech known as Valasa among them, to continue the work in his stead, as he planned on following Rey when she left Mirrin. Ben had asked, through Rey, to find Valasa, if she’d survived, and to take care of her. She’d been the one he’d asked to help him broadcast to the entire First Order. Her new position of authority made her uneasy, but Rose took the woman under her wing and together they laid the groundwork for a new team of technical support staff on the base.

When they were free from testifying and in the days before Ben’s trial, Rey, Finn and Rose spent their few free, blessedly quiet hours together, endlessly walking the city, remembering who they were before this began. For Rose, it meant finding a way to bring her parents to her. For Finn and Rey, it meant starting anew. They could choose who they were, and it was liberating, and terrifying. Rey, who had never before been asked what she wanted to do, was begged by the new government to begin a new temple, to return the ways of the Force to the galaxy. She demurred, knowing that, without Ben by her side, she would only be teaching part of what any student could learn. When he was freed, they would decide together.

Ben’s trial was the last. He accepted no council, never spoke, never offered a defense or a justification. The charges laid against him were many, but so were the witnesses of his transformation. All the remaining members of the Resistance who had watched Kylo Ren become Ben Solo spoke on his behalf, although none of them could believe they were doing it. Former First Order corps and officers by turns excused and excoriated him. Hux blamed him for the undoing of the Order, which, in truth, helped Ben far more than hurt him. Jinner Pall was the last witness. It was his testimony that tipped the scales. He spoke for two days, graphically detailing how Snoke had isolated them all and preyed upon them and their families, separating them from everything and everyone they loved and turning them against the light. The children they had been were destroyed, and, in their place, weapons remained, brutalized, violent tools of Snoke’s making. Rey had had no idea, no way of understanding what had been done to Ben and the others. She only knew what Luke and Ben had shown her. That Ben had come back from what had been done to him was a miracle, and she swore he would never be alone again. Every day, as he sat, feet away but unreachable, she held him in her mind, and every night, they were together, she in her room, he in his cell, nothing in the universe able to keep them apart. Their bond was always open now, and they both thought it meant the Force had fulfilled its duty in bringing them together.

Then, the trials were over. The courts were persuaded by the scores who spoke in Solo’s defense, by the testimony of the Resistance’s most celebrated fighters, and by Pall. Ben was freed, although the decision wasn’t without great controversy. Many wanted him dead, executed. Others wanted him appointed to the new government. In the end he just wished to be allowed to live, to somehow atone for his past, find his way forward, with Rey. 

On the day he was released, she was waiting for him outside the quiet door at the back of the Republic courts, away from the crowds eager to see Vader’s grandson, Leia Organa’s son, a man hated and revered, Jedi Killer and savior. Rey looked a little different when he saw her, her hair back in one loose bun, her face older, somehow, and all the lovelier for it. Neither of them spoke, she just took his hand and led him home.

***

Rey stood at the base of the Uneti tree outside Poe’s childhood home, her hand on the smooth trunk, her mind full of the intertwining fingers of the Force, anchored by these ancient life forms. Its bark swirled like the galactic nursery of Archeon and its leaves, like palms, stretched towards the heavens. 

“This, this is where we will have the temple. The tree wants us here.”

Rey, Chewie, Finn and Rose had spent the last four months on the Falcon in search of a place to settle and students to teach. Poe had joined them on Yavin 4 to introduce them to his father and the tree, just as he’d promised. Rey knew as soon as she landed that this was where she wanted to stay. It was beautiful, green and verdant, and so alive with the Force. And the ancient temple, it was as though it were waiting for her. It seemed so just that the structure built by the Massassi, a people enslaved by the Sith, would now be home to a new kind of Jedi. She couldn’t wait for Ben to see it.

For four months they had been apart. They’d spent a few weeks together on Mirrin Prime, painfully tentative at first, as they were both inexperienced and fairly naive about love. But, Rey didn’t know how to hold anything back, and Ben was starved, so it didn’t take long for them to figure out what to do. They loved each other with a fierceness that left them both dazed, but pleasantly so. 

Although their closeness brought them both such joy, it was, however, no surprise to Rey that Ben was growing more anxious as the weeks passed. She watched him struggle to find his place outside of her, with the galaxy at large and amongst her friends, who tried their best to befriend him, despite their own conflict, only to be rebuffed. It was this that made the pair testy. She knew that, if he only asked for help, from any of them, they’d solve everything together. But, despite their love, they were still the same two argumentative, obstinate people they had always been, and neither could be chivvied into accord. 

One night, long after everyone else had gone to bed, Rey sat on the terrace of the house they had been given by the grateful Mirrin government after the trials. It perched on the edge of a forest outside the city, overlooking a wide river, which normally Rey loved to watch as it caught the light of the stars and carried it away. But, tonight, in her worry, she didn’t notice the stars. She’d had a nightmare, and in it, Ben stood above her in the clothes of an emperor, scornful and mocking and full of self-hatred, and it frightened her. If he continued to isolate himself, she was afraid she’d lose him. She was so weary warring against all that sought to divide them, especially that which they carried in their hearts. She just wanted to live in peace. 

She heard Ben approach, obviously not able to sleep himself and, as he came to stand next to her, she looked halfway over her shoulder.

“You eventually have to join the rest of us out here in the world,” she said, continuing their argument of earlier in the day when he’d excused himself from joining the friends’ usual evening meal, and she’d followed, telling him he should at least try to stay, to reciprocate their overtures. “You have to let people other than me into your life. I had a dream, a nightmare. You were cold and distant, and I couldn’t reach you. That can’t happen.”

All of a sudden, she wasn’t mad anymore, just afraid. She jumped down from the railing overlooking the river where she’d sat, slid her arms around Ben’s waist and rested her cheek against his chest. He was no longer in black, having chosen to dress as the other residents of the planet in grays and browns, and his pale gray doublet seemed to glow in the faint light of the moons. He wrapped his long arms around her and she closed her eyes and sighed, tightening her grip on him. It was at times like this that her heart threatened to burst from her body and consume her. She’d learned long ago to hold on to these moments while she had them, as they were all too fleeting. 

“I know. I know. I...I need your help. What I’ve done to them, I see it in their faces when they look at me. I want to tell them to stop, that they don’t have to keep trying. They tolerate me because they love you, and it hurts them.”

She had nothing to say to refute what he knew to be true, so she didn’t try. 

“What can I do?”

“Did you know that, a long time ago, when a Jedi would fall too far to the dark, he would be sent to meditate in isolation until balance could be restored?”

“I didn’t know that, but, to be fair, there’s a lot I don’t know.”

He smiled into her hair. 

“I have to find a way to make my peace. I’ve hidden from my fear for so long, and now I’m hiding in you. I want to face it and move forward.”

She pulled away from him and raised her hand to his cheek, tracing the curves of the face so beloved to her. He would come back, she knew, with an unburdened heart, if she let him go. So, it was she who suggested that he go to Ahch-to. It had been, after all, where the Jedi had gone to reflect for as long as the order had existed, and it might be a place where Ben could find his peace. 

“I can take you,” Rey suggested, knowing that, even though she knew Ben needed to come to terms with all that he had done and had been done to him, his leaving might crush her. She wanted to hold on for as long as she could. 

***

They took two ships, a shuttle to leave behind with Ben on Ahch-to and the Falcon, which Lando had brought back to them, shiny and fully-functioning, on Mirrin. His people had even constructed little nest boxes for the Porgs in a row of easily-cleanable cupboards outside the cockpit. Lando had stayed for the political bickering and the trials, and was, himself, begged to join the new Council. To everyone’s surprise, he’d agreed. Bespin was prosperous, and needed to be consulted about the workings of a galaxy that relied so heavily on the product from its beneficent atmosphere. And he remembered the Empire, and saw the Order rise. It couldn’t happen again.

The day they departed for Ahch-to, Lando came to see them off. His extravagant cape was no longer so conspicuous amidst the equally ostentatious clothing of his fellow officials in the new government, but Rey still thought he looked like a pylat bird she’d seen in a holo on Bespin. Maybe that had been intentional. 

Lando stood in the cockpit, having followed them onboard, lovingly stroking the newly upholstered seats and idly flipping switches that now worked, thanks to new springs.

“Kids, I almost wish I was going with you. I’ll never feel like I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to warrant sitting still while there are so many people out there to dazzle. She’s a crazy place, don’t let her lead you astray.”

He kissed Rey and Rose goodbye, embraced a stiff Chewie and shook Finn’s hand. Then, he stopped in front of Ben and studied his face for a while. Rey wondered if he was searching for Han and Leia there. The little group watched in growing concern until Lando reached out and took Ben’s hand and clasped in both his own. The older man then released his grip, clapped Ben on the shoulder and departed. Ben watched him go with something like gratitude, but reddened as he found all the eyes of the Rebels on him. He harrumphed something inaudible and went to hide in his quarters. 

Chewie waited for Rey in the cockpit. It had not been an easy reunion between Ben and his oldest friend. But, while there was nothing that could erase Ben’s actions, Chewie knew what Snoke had done to this boy he’d loved, and he forgave him. In time, they’d regain some of what had been lost, and Ben knew to wait. In the meantime, Chewie had asked them to take him home, to Kashyyyk. He’d not had time to mourn his best friend, and he was tired. 

Rey watched Ben all the more closely in the last few days before his self-exile. Although no longer volatile, he was still so rife with conflict, and Rey knew that would likely never change. Being equally composed of light and dark had never been easy for him, especially when coupled with the relative isolation and lack of guidance in his childhood. Rey marveled that her struggle for survival had, oddly, kept her from the desperate introspection Ben had suffered from as a child. And now he was placing himself in isolation again. But, this time, it would, hopefully, allow him to live away from expectations for the first time in his life. 

She didn’t stay, even for a night, on Ahch-to. She knew that Ben was anxious to be alone, even as he’d miss her. She’d never be in doubt of that, she could read every thought in his mind and on his face, as he could for her. The caretakers were kind to Ben, welcoming him to the island with warmth. Luke had told her that they never questioned the comings and goings of the Jedi, that they just kept everything the same for when one of the order would return. Ben was just one more in thousands of years of service. 

They embraced for a long time, inside the hut where they’d first touched. It had been rebuilt by the industrious caretakers, who seemed to know that it was the only place to put their new visitor. Rey abruptly let go and left, knowing that, if she stayed even a moment longer, she’d never leave. Ben understood. 

***

Poe’s father, Kes, was delightful. He had known all of their friends and loved ones, and was a wonderful storyteller. Rey, Rose and Finn would all be sad to leave his home when the temple was finished being refitted. He was thrilled at the prospect of Rey and her new little students staying nearby and learning about the Force. He’d introduced her and her friends and protege to the whole community, who were also delighted, if a little overawed, to have such august new neighbors. 

It had been stunningly easy for Rey to find Force-sensitive children scattered throughout the systems. Luke had told her, with great bitterness, how he had been plagued by hopefuls, and maybe, someday, she’d have to turn people away from her temple, but for now, the Force had led her through the galaxy to seven boys and girls, their gifts lighting up the web of energy around them like streamers guiding her to a celebration. So much of what Luke had told her was on her mind now, about how Leia had trusted him with Ben, and now she had her own little charges. She hoped that, between her and Ben and the rest of the community around her, she’d succeed where Luke had failed. Their parents had been harder to persuade, not that Rey blamed them. In the end, many of them came with her. She didn’t see any reason to keep them away. When she was a child, she’d have given anything to be part of a family and couldn’t bear to separate theirs. She knew that Luke would be furious, that she was violating a million rules of the Jedi, but she didn’t care. 

It took two months for teams provided by the grateful planets of the galaxy to prepare the temple. Rey, her students and their families moved in, and Finn, Rose and her parents took a home nearby. Poe had asked Finn to stay on Mirrin, but he and Rose wanted to be near Rey, to start their own lives. 

Finn and Rose were in the huge, mostly empty hangar at the base of the temple on move-in day, unloading the Falcon with supplies they’d brought back from Mirrin. Neither of them had ever had a thing of their own, and starting a new life meant having to pick out everything, so they came back to Yavin 4 with a lifetime of small comforts for their new home. 

“I think your parents are really going to like the feather bed,” Finn said, as he carried a box down the ramp to a cart. “I’m glad we got one for ourselves, too. I never want to be cold again. I could have bought twenty of them to sleep on.”

“I don’t know that they’ll take it. They’re so stubborn about handouts. They just look so small, I want to make them wear five sweaters apiece just to give them some padding. Now that they can eat whatever they want, I’m going to fatten them up.”

Finn grabbed Rose and pulled her in. He kissed her all over her face, and she laughed in response before pushing him away to climb back into the Falcon and get more of their new belongings. She jumped back down to the deck of the hangar, holding a small box. She handed it to Finn with a shy smile, and waited. Finn looked surprised, and that surprise turned to hope and fear when he saw Rose’s gift. It was a memory rod, and he knew what was on it. He ran back into the cockpit of the Falcon, followed by Rose, and plugged it in. A vid popped up on the cockpit display. Finn leaned back in the pilot’s seat and covered his mouth with the hand whose elbow rested on the chair’s arm. He tried to keep his breath steady as tears brimmed on his lower lashes. He looked up at Rose, who stood next to him.

“I don’t know that I can look,” he said. “What if they don’t want me, what if they sent me away?”

“I haven’t watched it, but I know they contacted the Council when they saw your face on the holocast. They sent a genetic sample, your parents are alive and wanted to find you.” 

He reached out, took her hand and pressed the activate button. On the display appeared two faces, an older man and woman, and they began speaking. They told of their planet, a small one in the Unknown Regions, that had been overrun by the First Order. The Order had taken all of the planet’s children of a certain age, including Finn. They never thought they’d see him again, but they always held out hope.

When the vid ended, Finn looked shell-shocked. Rose grabbed his face and turned it to her. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, we’ll figure this out together! I know it’s a lot to digest, you don’t have to do anything now, you can think about your decision before…”

He jumped out of his seat. 

“I want to meet them. Right now. Can we go there? Or should we bring them here? Do you think they’d want to come here?? Do you think they’ll like me? What if they’re disappointed in me??”

Rose was crying now. She placed her hands on his chest. 

“They will be so proud of you, we are all so proud of you. Let’s go tell Rey, we need to make plans.”

***

Rey was with her students in one of the mid level chambers. When they’d all returned to Yavin 4, she’d had no idea where to begin, so she just started by telling the children what she would have wanted to know at their age. They weren’t alone, they had each other, they’d all learn and grow together. And when Ben returned, he could teach them what he had learned from Luke.

One of the children, a five-year-old girl named Xiva, was sitting cross-legged on the floor, trying to concentrate, even though everything distracted her. 

“Master Rey?” Xiva’s piping voice was uncertain. Rey crossed the room from where she was speaking to another child and crouched by the girl’s side. 

“Xiva, are you having a hard time focusing?” Rey asked her.

“Yes, someone’s coming.”

“Oh, do you hear footsteps?”

“No, I feel that someone is coming. I don’t know them. I think it’s a man. The Force is moving around him a lot. It’s very stormy.”

Rey’s breath caught. She was so entangled with the children that they were all she could feel. She swept away her connections with them and reached out. Ben.

She started laughing, and the children looked confused. 

“Children, I’ll...I’ll be right back, you’re released for now.“ She gestured to the three older students clustered in one corner around a datapad. “Take the younglings to their families, please.”

Before her pupils could protest or comment, she bolted out of the door. He was getting closer, she felt him as he entered the atmosphere and made planetfall. She met Finn and Rose as they climbed the stairs to find her, and grabbed Rose by the shoulders.

“Ben! He’s coming!” 

She was grinning ecstatically as she let go and ran down the steps. Finn’s face got the look it usually did when anyone mentioned Ben.

“You know,” he said, “I don’t know that I’ll ever get it. She could have had Poe and she chose him. He’s just so broody.”

Rose just took his hand and led him away from the reunion below. She got it.

***

Rey was waiting at the door to the hangar when the shuttle landed. As soon as the ship’s ramp lowered, she launched herself at a dead run. The hangar was massive, and, when Ben stepped into it, he was a least a quarter mile from Rey. As she barrelled towards him, she saw the look of momentary shock in his eyes be replaced by longing and relief. He quickened his step towards her and watched as her face transformed from determined hardness to radiant joy. He stopped and braced himself at the last minute as Rey literally jumped into his arms. She gripped his shoulders so tightly he could feel her nails, as short as they were, dig in through his jacket. He held her around the waist as her legs wrapped around him. 

“You can’t ever leave again,” she said into his shoulder. 

“I won’t, I won’t ever leave you again.” His face pressed into the place where her neck met her collarbone, and she shuddered to feel him there. She leaned back slightly with her torso and kissed him, long and hard and with all the pent-up desire and longing and love she felt for him, love that hadn’t diminished in the slightest since the moment they parted. They could have kissed forever, but they both heard nearby giggles and pulled apart, breathless, to look around. Behind the ramp to the shuttle peered four little faces, and, slightly farther back behind the bulk of the ship, the three older children stood, red and embarrassed at the display in front of them and for having allowed the younger ones to get away.

Rey set her feet down, took Ben’s hand, wiped her eyes and her nose with her sleeve and pulled him to meet his new pupils. He looked terrified.

***

“Rey, I have something to tell you. I think we should take a trip.” It was nighttime, but they were both awake. Rey raised her face from where it rested on Ben’s chest and looked at him in surprise. “A short one,” he continued, “Finn and Rose should come and he can meet his parents on the way back. We’ll not be gone long.”

Rey interrupted him with a little comical head shake indicating her disbelief at what she’d just heard. After interrogating him for hours about his time at the first Jedi temple, she saw that his heart had calmed considerably. But it was this invitation that told Rey how far he’d come. She rested her chin on her hand and looked him in the eyes. Then hers narrowed. He looked a little shifty.

“What. Why do we need to go on a trip, especially after you just got back? What aren’t you telling me?”

“Some things were shown to me on Ahch-to, and I think you’ll want to see them, too. We need to go back to Jakku.”

Ben could see her jaw tighten, could feel her resist his words.

“There’s nothing for me on Jakku, Ben, you of all people know that.”

“Rey, I’m sorry for what I said. It was wrong of me to tell you to let go. You have to make peace with your past in your own way, and, if you want, I’ll help you.”

“There’s no way for me to do that now. My family is gone.”

She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair before pulling it back into a ponytail that she fastened with a piece of fabric from a small nearby table. Ben knew she was protecting herself and he felt terrible for forcing the issue, but he wasn’t finished. 

“I wasn’t on Ahch-to the whole time I was away. I also went to see where you buried my mother,” he said, quietly.

“By yourself? All alone? I would have gone with you!” Her indignance made Ben flush. She really did love him.

“No, you said your goodbyes, I couldn’t ask you to go through that again, not this time. I needed to do it on my own. I had to face her, and what I did to her, and my father.”

Rey looked as though she wanted to protest, but then stopped herself. She had no real argument she could offer. 

“I had to say goodbye to my parents, Rey. And, if you want to say goodbye to yours, you can. I found them. I found where your parents are buried.”

He knew Rey would be shocked and might be furious at him. He knew she would be conflicted about his news, and he was right on all counts. She jumped up and spun around to face him, her stance wide to hold her up as she unleashed her anger.

“I didn’t ask you to do that. Why would you do that??”

“When I wanted to go see my mother, I didn’t know where she was, at first. But a trace of her still lingered, once I looked for it, and it led me to Endor. And I don’t know why, but the Force showed me the way to your parents, too. I don’t know if they were sensitive, but it’s strong around them, even now.”

“They didn’t want me, Ben,” Rey sat back down on the edge of the bed. She looked small and defeated. “They would have found a way to come back for me if they had.”

Ben gathered her in his arms. He kissed her and held her close. 

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Do they have graves?”

“Of a sort.”

“I wonder if I’ll ever be able to forgive them.”

Of all the souls in the galaxy, Ben Solo likely knew the most about forgiveness, of the need to offer it as well as have it granted to you.

“All you can do is try.”

“All right, I’ll go. There are a few things I want to get from Jakku, anyway, if they’re still there.”

Rey didn’t sleep much that night, but neither did Ben, so it was okay. She wasn’t alone.


	26. Epilogue

The dawn was cold on Jakku. Ben awoke shivering, despite the blanket over him and Rey’s heat next to him. He chose to sleep outside the Falcon in a tent as he was still uncomfortable on the ship, both because of his memories and his height, so he gave it and its occupants as much space as he could. By the time Rey awoke, dressed and joined him by the small fire he’d laid, he’d made her breakfast, which she didn’t know he knew how to do. He’d learned a great deal on Ahch-to, but most of the food-related lessons had been about fish.

Rey kissed him good morning. He always wanted to hold on forever, but they had to eat. 

“Are you cold?” he asked her.

“No, I’m fine. The fire is warm. There was never enough kindling to build one when I lived here.” She took a bite of the meal he had made her. “This is really good,” she said, looking up at him with surprise. 

He looked pleased, but a little embarrassed. He was terrible at taking compliments. They both glanced up as they heard Finn and Rose’s footsteps on the ship’s ramp. Rose paused slightly as she walked to join them. The pair touched her heart deeply. 

“Today’s the day, huh?” Finn asked as he sat down, after helping himself to the food over the fire.

“It’s going to be a long walk. We can’t land the Falcon any closer. She’s too heavy and we don’t want her to sink. And we also might not have much luck. The sands shift so much, anything remaining of their graves might be covered.” Rey tried to rein in expectations, both her own and theirs, but she didn’t want to hide her gratitude. “No matter what we find, though, thank you,” she said, “thank you for coming with me.” 

After breakfast, when Rose and Finn returned to the Falcon to get water canteens and more appropriate boots and clothes, Ben asked Rey to hang back for a moment as she prepared to follow them.

“Rey,” Ben said as he pulled her back down to sit by the fire. “I never apologized.”

“Yes, you did.” 

“No, no, I didn’t. What I said, about you, about being...nothing...” 

He had to stop for a moment. Rey waited, knowing that even mentioning that terrible day took tremendous courage. She knew he was sorry, but she still kind of wanted to hear him say it. 

“I tried to hurt you. To make you lose faith in yourself. It was despicable. I wanted you so badly, I thought you could…it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. So desperately sorry.”

“That was a good apology,” she said. 

He laughed, a little surprised, bleating laugh that made Rey laugh, in return. 

“Out of everything that happened on that horrible day, the one thing that sticks out isn’t you telling me that I’m nothing. It was you saying please. I don’t imagine you said it that much before then. It was very polite of you.”

“Yes, my mother would have been so proud.” Once the words crossed his lips, the joke was over and his guilt returned, a little lessened, but still there. Always there. Rey turned her earnest, honest face to his. 

“She would be proud now, I know it. They both would.”

***

They all walked for a good long while. They only had a rough notion of their destination, and had to follow Ben’s slender connection to where the Force led. Rey stopped to take a drink of water. She capped the canteen, shaded her eyes and lifted her macrobinoculars to survey the landscape.

“I hate this planet,” Finn grumbled, catching up to Rey, who was the only one who knew the trick to walking on sand and had mounted a little rise. The others struggled with the odd, sliding, sideways gait that everyone adopted when walking on deep dunes and were far faster to tire than the woman who’d grown up here. 

“Well, you only got to see a little of the majestic Jakku landscape the last time you were here. But, since no one is chasing us this time, and you have water, enjoy all the beauty my childhood home has to offer.”

Rose and Rey laughed, but Finn just looked grumpy and sweaty. Rey reached out and grabbed his hand, helping him and then Rose up onto the little outcropping on which she stood. Ben was already next to her. If he was as miserable as Finn, he’d never, ever let on, not when Rey’d had to suffer this terrible place for so long.

They had been to see her home the day before. The endless parade of tic marks on the walker’s metal wall, the tiny doll, fashioned to look like a Rebel, which Ben pocketed, the hammock in which she slept and the displays from which she learned, all these things broke Ben, Finn and Rose’s hearts. Rey had been alone for so long. As they climbed through the remains of her shelter, Finn looked angry and Rose deeply pained, while Ben clutched the little doll so tightly Rey thought it would disintegrate. They all dealt with their sorrow so differently. Sharing her own pain with her loved ones helped ease the burden of it from Rey, however, and, when she walked away from her former home for the last time, her sadness stayed behind, like an outgrown cloak she’d never wear again. But the Rebellion helmet, that came with her.

Back in the desert the next day, the quartet kept walking until Ben held up his hand. They stopped in an open, scrubbed clean patch of ground that had far less sand on it than the surrounding dunes. It was a natural hollow, protected by a rock shelf. Rey could just see the glint of a building in the far distance through her optics. Near it, she could see the Falcon. She hadn’t realized they’d walked so far.

On the ground lay a row of stones. On each stone was scratched an initial or two, and sometimes an illegible inscription. Rey tremulously reached out and felt a familiar swirl around two stones that had been placed close together, one marked with the initial L and the other R. She dropped to her knees. Finn and Rose each squeezed her hand or shoulder and moved slightly away, knowing her well enough to understand what she needed. Rey turned to Ben, who was standing behind her, always near, and held out her hand. He joined her, kneeling, and Rey, the scavenger, the nobody, the little girl who had been left behind, the Jedi, forgave her parents. She leaned into Ben and knew, in that moment, that her life was beginning again, but this time, full of hope, love and belonging. 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot believe that this is my last chapter. To say that I've been overwhelmed by the support shown to my story would be like saying the fanboys have been a little contentious about Luke. I am grateful beyond any words I could compose to all of you readers. I cannot believe how many of you have taken some of your precious time and spent it reading this. I am honored to be given such a gift. Thank you all, a million, billion times for your kindness. I hope to somehow meet all of you again someday.


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